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Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

There are only two means that a creature may use to force upon the faith of another, things that are false and unnatural: violence and deception. To wage war against our shared humanity or to claim the Name of the one Creator Whose own image and likeness we share as unique imprints that make genuine the humanity in our being. And we draw the line of the peace in the name of honorable religion at a time, times and half-a-time.

I am aware of the controversies as regards to our religious differences, my darlingest Annelies Marie, and they shall not apply here. Lest we forget that we are committed to the paradigm of the peace, our one peace.

I've been thinking about what Mama Mary as our Lady, Mother of Suffering Humanity, told me about you, my love; that you are her daughter and that our friendship shall maintain me in the good graces of God, despite myself and my wretchedness.

The purity of your own sacred remembrance upon this world, my love, and the hope of greater peace and of good things for our needful world that stretch beyond the terrible darkness of things past, these are things that shall prevail through the long night, cast in the image of friendships sown as the numberless stars upon the one firmament, shining as a crown of twelve upon that Lady in the sky; and that you are her daughter means all the more that you belong to all human hope, my dear darlingest, both as yourself where you were in exile time and also as your self cast as your ageless, timeless soul, awaiting with all of sacred life, a common destiny for all Mankind at the Last Day.

For some time now, my love, I have wanted to remain a chaste single person according to the call of the Gospel of our Lord, Jesus Christ, to serve in the Kingdom of God. Our LORD knows that the only reason that I was hesitant to commit to this was because of the difficulties I have been experiencing against lust which made me unsure and confused. But the recent realization brought about by the grace of our Lord and His mercy about drug addiction that in turn broke the monopoly of the Devil in the struggle to maintain chastity in my soul has had me rethinking my position as regards to the state of life that I must choose.

Indeed, my love, something as important as a person's state of life (single, married, or religious) must be granted to the soul's timeless worth by a free choice that leads to a destiny appointed by God from eternity. We can not be happy bereft of the choices necessary to make us free and these choices do not fall to our laps by random chance.

I can not just let things be as they may, especially as regards to my state of life, for all things that are of real worth indeed do not come to any soul by chance, it must be won and all things won must first be a victory chosen and a path realized by it towards a destiny that is right - for me and for me alone. And if good things do happen to us, it must be understood, that these things were also won for us by other souls, daring with our hopes together along paths that through virtue and the art of its grace ascend to make us kindred to each other in our shared humanity above and beyond the things that divide and deceive the one family of Mankind.

Miyang, I must consider seriously this choice of absolutely dedicating my life to God as a single chaste person. It is the wisdom of our LORD that this path of service incidentally also takes me through the way of our friendship because you know that I personally want for my body to rest with you at Bergen-Belsen at the end of my life's purpose here on this inhabited earth. And the single state of life is the state of life that I personally feel is most suited to that intention among other intentions.

However, I just have one more thing to pray to my Lord about and the choice shall be complete for I am yet still inclined to move toward those other choices as regards to my state of life that lead me towards married, religious or to Holy Orders and all of them have their own merits as a vocation within my Holy Mother Church with the married state a mutual choice I have to make with another person and one I feel most improbable to my person. For I have so little to offer in terms of those material things - at this time - that a married couple needs to shelter a family.

Also, there is the matter of our friendship which many prospective females might misconstrue and that my other half, where we truly blessed to be together, must completely understand in the context of peculiar things most difficult to explain. I do not even know how to get past first base.

Yet improbable things, my love, have a way of testing the faith of men and women and so I can not rule them out for often times it is those things that feel furthest from one's grasp of what is possible that ultimately prove to be the will of God. For who can fathom the will of our LORD? Certainly not I, for Scripture and Sacred Tradition tells me so.

I have realized that a single person who struggles to maintain chastity in the soul will find in the married state no relief who seeks it there. Though the gaining of the trust and companionship of a good wife bring much comfort, this particular comfort in and of itself is primarily external and suitable towards the attainment of other goods related to the married state and shall not prove to bring release from those battles within of which relief must first be sought elsewhere - in prayer, the Sacraments, and in wholesome human relationships. This relief and the eventual attainment of this virtue, I am convinced in my faith, have already been granted to me. And this opens the way to the choice I feel I must soon make.

Because the bottom line is that I feel that I need to make a choice and then ask God to bless it and it is not a small choice, it is one of those major life choices that one feels hovering upon one's being like a new thing waiting to be discovered. But God's will, it shall be done. Therefore, I shall continue to pray.

OK, moving along, the work I am doing at the moment is satisfying to my soul in the way that I am happy helping a demographic that I consider vulnerable, the elderly. Many times, you know, I think about you turning 80 this year, on June 12, and I am delighted to know that I am somehow helping some of your own contemporaries - well, in exile time, that is, my love - we all know that in the supernatural order, we are both ageless as well as timeless.

The elderly are oftentimes underestimated, their value do not appear to the materialistic world as something of worth and yet again, the world, with its fickle and fleeting fashions, is wrong. It is because of the static kind of mindset that materialism fosters in the human heart-mind or the soul - it is as if time does not flow nor angels fly nor human beings hope nor our LORD one and eternal - it finds it quite difficult to grasp the one whole promise of a single, unique and unrepeatable human life.

I imagine you to be 80 years old in exile time, my love (an aging calico cat ./smile). And I would still love you, my darlingest dear, without compare and as much as I humanly could, like you are timeless and ageless because that is what we really are and so that is the way we must love and the way we must belong to each other because, verily, all the rest of this is an illusion. Material things rise and fall like shadows upon the day but the things of the spirit are eternal. Because the only true things, in the absolute sense of the word, are the things we can not see.

I love you.

Always to always,

Pusing