20090305

Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

Prayer, my love, which is the constant lifting up of one's heart-mind to God - love longing for Itself - becomes complete in the self by the bearing of the fruits of the Holy Spirit of God. It is not enough that we pray, for prayer can never be just about thoughts and words but must burst out from the loving within the soul into the reality of the self and others - for the good of all things.

This is where much of my frustrations are found for I have many, many faults, my love. Prayer is a tool of repentance and therefore, must in its own time lead us to bear the fruits of penance. But who am I to tell the one Daystar of my little life how It should shine or demand from Its light where it should lend its quickening illumination. For I am in the darkness, need itself.

I have learned to trust in the LORD - despite of myself, out of necessity, amidst these battles I must fight against the demons that seek to overthrow the Kingdom inside of myself, and not to let my hope in God and in others through God be pinned down by needless scruples.

I am familiar with spiritual pain (and so I can completely relate with Big S., Sarah Silverman) and the angst that all repentant sinners experience which in itself present a constant temptation to curse at the Providence of God but it shall take a lot, and I mean a whole lot of undoing within my heart for me to even begin to think about setting my own will against the one changeless will of the one Beautiful, the one triune Perfection and true God of my heart. I am often beset by whispering accusations and raging uncertainties about many things, most especially when I fall into sin, but these things shall not prevent me from picking myself up and continuing on my way nor shall these things cause the love that has begun to live in my soul of others and of my LORD to turn to ashes from within.

To God alone belong the victory. Therefore, where it concerns God's creatures, seen and unseen, it is when one's will has given up the fight and have allowed evil to spread its lie in the soul shall the Kingdom from within fall and the being of that person, human or angelic, turn to ashes from within.

This gives me hope, my love, and keeps my feet on the ground as a human being. Angels are defined by the swiftness and the accuracy of their flight, but we human beings are defined by our will to fly - for none of us are born with angel wings, we must earn them by our willingness to rise above adversity. And we can not rise above adversity if at first we do not begin with our feet planted firmly on the ground of tribulations.

We are each called to perfection but it is not through the way of perfection that our human feet are called by our LORD to Himself but through another road, a mountain path, a way of loving sacrifice for we shall indeed conquer together in Him but by way of repentance, my love - the royal road of the Cross.

I've been falling asleep during my training classes these past several nights and its embarrassing. Work is going great, my love - I love my workmates and my trainers. The company culture where I work is good as well. I work in the call center industry, as you know, my darlingest and I am blessed by a job through this industry which is an industry that is above all things, service oriented.

You know, I've been keenly observing this particular industry for a time now and should also like to post something about it because it would be a good thing indeed to help demystify some of the misconceptions I perceive people in America and maybe also in Europe seem to be prone to have about this industry stealing their jobs and also at the same time to disseminate to my own Filipino compatriots a common understanding of those things that work to humanize our clients, things that make them more than just mere voices, disembodied and distant, but human beings, who like ourselves desire to dwell near to the warmth of all human hearts and needy like all of Mankind.

Gosh, this Internet cafe is full of screaming, noisy high schoolers right now. The rowdyruff boys are in Townsville so it seems. So I got to go for now, my love.

I love you.

Always to always,

Pusing