Dear darlingest Miyang,
9/9/9
So much chatter today about the symmetrical positioning of the calendar numbers, 9/9/9, my loveliest love. And it would be a good thing if it were universally viewed to be a good thing but these things are never that way, it seems. Why? Because our experience of time is always more than its parts or the sum of its parts.
I'd like to avoid getting into deeper waters at this time, my loveliest love. Suffice to say, 9/9/9 - if today, it gives us a choice - then, let this leading lead us to experience for ourselves what is good, what is true and what is timeless, in ourselves and in other people like ourselves. That way, this day fades away not into oblivion but into eternity where we, if we are good and God-willing, endure in peace and good will with God and with each other, shall be able to re-live it forever at the prevailing of the purpose of the all of creation.
I still have other thoughts I'd like to put down with you here in our Planet Annelies but I am at an Internet cafe at this time and it's really noisy. I'll have to find some quiet time soon.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
20090908
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
I'm so thankful, my darling. I did well during our second assessments at work and were given passing marks by the quality analyst who scored my mock customer call. I guess I'm still a little bit tired because it has not all sunk in yet. I know I'll be happier later on when I get more sleep /smile. I really hope and pray that our whole training class makes it - or what's left of us, that is.
Something Beautiful
You know, my loveliest love, that I always check for news about you filtering up and down, in and around the proverbial grapevine for not only am I jealous to defend your remembrance, as I should, I am also personally keen on finding out anything more about your own history here on earth. And yesterday, I am happy to report, I was rewarded by this totally new (in my eyes at least) photograph of you.
I once asked myself in the darkest days of my life how something so beautiful can only add to my despair, my Miyang. Looking at this picture of you and feeling your love dwelling together with mine in our heart of hearts together, I know now what you weren't meant to be in my life.
And I thank the LORD, our God, always for making me understand why.
---<--@
I know I've got other things that I feel right now that I can not find the words to express, my darlingest, and I trust them all to be good. But I think I shall leave it off for now and just stay with this quiet feeling in my heart.
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
I'm so thankful, my darling. I did well during our second assessments at work and were given passing marks by the quality analyst who scored my mock customer call. I guess I'm still a little bit tired because it has not all sunk in yet. I know I'll be happier later on when I get more sleep /smile. I really hope and pray that our whole training class makes it - or what's left of us, that is.
Something Beautiful
You know, my loveliest love, that I always check for news about you filtering up and down, in and around the proverbial grapevine for not only am I jealous to defend your remembrance, as I should, I am also personally keen on finding out anything more about your own history here on earth. And yesterday, I am happy to report, I was rewarded by this totally new (in my eyes at least) photograph of you.
I once asked myself in the darkest days of my life how something so beautiful can only add to my despair, my Miyang. Looking at this picture of you and feeling your love dwelling together with mine in our heart of hearts together, I know now what you weren't meant to be in my life.
And I thank the LORD, our God, always for making me understand why.
---<--@
I know I've got other things that I feel right now that I can not find the words to express, my darlingest, and I trust them all to be good. But I think I shall leave it off for now and just stay with this quiet feeling in my heart.
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Monday, September 7, 2009
20090907
Dear darlingest Miyang Marie,
Hello, my darling! I really don't have much today - I still have half of my laundry to do and some more sleep (hopefully) to catch up on before the beginning of another working week for me later on tonight. This week is when we (meaning me and my training class) are slotted to take our second assessments so understandably the tempo is going up a notch. I've learned a good deal during the last two weeks we've been taking in calls and am reasonably confident about it all. In contrast to my confidence levels during the first assessments, this is a great improvement.
I've managed to re-read and proofread a prior work of mine which I will now entrust here with you in our Planet Annelies, my loveliest love. This work is dated 20090720.
Guidance
Our national sovereignty lies with the people. All of our geographical bounds, their resources and market potential, exist for the people. Our state, in all its levels, that represent our one Filipino nation in the democratic forums our one Republic undertaking of Country derive its authority to govern its peers through the will of Divine Providence from the mandate of the people. All of our endeavors of community, across all of our generations, that give life to our nation are undertaken by the people. The state itself ultimately is also of the people, deriving its particular belonging from the people. Our own sense of self identity is a common reality established by the memory of the hopes of our people, that lead us toward remembrance and the sanctification of our hopes in time.
Our nation is a vessel of sacred life which above all else is endowed by the Almighty God with a will of peace to shelter the generations of the people.
Therefore, time, territory, treasure - these things are negotiable items. They have the ability to renew themselves given time according to the needs of sacred life. But life, above all human life, is non-negotiable.
If we, as the Filipino people, in the service of our citizenship with each other, are ever to enter into battle, then let there be no other reason than this - because we are true to our commitments to our one nation; that we may, as a people together, fight to preserve and advance what promises we represent for each other and bring out what is best in ourselves as citizens of our one Republic peace.
For what else is a nation but our families, friends and dear ones, what else is our motion of Country but the will to shelter and provide for them - in peace and good will? What else are other nations made of but the same, what else is their will of Country but the same? And what hope have they entrusted to the care of each other apart from our own belongings to each other - but only the hope to live and to preserve their posterity?
The honor of our nations are not offended by disputes concerning the earth hereupon or the visible universe above or even the timeless void immediately beyond. These are things that test our understanding and if sought in the right spirit and with the necessary virtue, cultivate our potential for good and strengthen the familial bond between our nations.
Neither our national sovereignty nor our cultural integrity are ever that fragile. For what has been built by the actions of all human communities can not be undone for our nations are more than what we can see here on earth.
The honor of our nations are offended only by the lack of our sense of timeless remembrance of ourselves. For the heart of the children of Mankind stir only for this, unto remembrance. For it is only through remembrance and the sanctification of all human hopes in time that are we ever beckoned forward by the will of our Creator into the greater purposes of our LORD's glorious creation.
Much have been given to us, much also is expected of us to give and to provide for the needs of our own present time. War threatens to consume our hope but this is only so because we are not present to each other in the here and in the now - in God and Country, for God and Country.
For our hopes exist neither in the past nor in the future and if we leave this lineage unguarded in the here and now of the present by our refusal to accept the eternal memory of each other as our LORD intended us to be as human beings and as human nations together, the gravity of these times will sink ourselves and our communities deeper into the mire of false hopes unto tears and unto despair and we shall waste our all our lives and our generations in endless battles unto dissolution.
If there is division, bridge it not with the despair of war for this is exactly what war intends and the relief of two thousand years shall provide us with many validating examples of this. The calling of the times also press our hearts to yield to the common labor of this most favorable season for building. War has held our nations hostage for too long and for too much has the darkness ruled over our will - War is a lie - it never belonged here on our earth. It was never part of the original purposes for which our LORD established the realm of Mankind. And so however much we would like to plant the anchors of our hopes firmly in War, because virtue is not a native of the void of war but of the heaven of our LORD's golden eternity, it would only sink deeper and deeper into the nothingness. For War is just as empty of promise as it's defeated master, a tyrant and a murderer from the beginning.
Let us now build our world, O my friends, but with the hope of peace this time. If not for our present generations, for our Starshine and all of their generations of life.
Therefore, let us not cast our labors into the darkness for this darkness shall only wane behind us for we have but one path to take and we must take this path together as one family of nations. Let us allow ourselves to be swept away once again in the great all-embracing order of the all of creation. Upon our peace together in our hearts let us ascend and upon our understanding of each other in our world let us build upon belongings upon belongings unto unity and pull our inhabited earth away from all of this maddening darkness, eastward unto the gate of each our Eden's returning, eastward unto the one Peace of our Father Abraham, unto healing and strength for all our nations, unto shelter and prosperity for all our generations and respite for our failing world.
For no other reason does the noble military exist but to preserve the one family of the nations of Mankind. At the Last Day, our LORD Himself and His hosts will contend with War and the enemies of sacred life and all our crying together would come to an end. But until then, we shall observe the peace and turning away from war, build from our friendships the shape of this new age to come.
This will be our guidance.
---<--@
There was another recent ferry incident over here in the Philippines, my loveliest love. That these incidents are more frequent than seldom are an indication to me of a particular state of things, you know. An understanding of the Guidance that I have laid down with you above when it is viewed in the relief of all of these indications create a sense of mission - something that we, as a Filipino nation must do - and I feel this with all of my heart. It is our will of Country.
I've also been looking at the UN Millennium Development Goals and have been working to relate it with our thinking on the Morality of Human Need.
I love you, my Anne.
Always to always,
Pusing
Hello, my darling! I really don't have much today - I still have half of my laundry to do and some more sleep (hopefully) to catch up on before the beginning of another working week for me later on tonight. This week is when we (meaning me and my training class) are slotted to take our second assessments so understandably the tempo is going up a notch. I've learned a good deal during the last two weeks we've been taking in calls and am reasonably confident about it all. In contrast to my confidence levels during the first assessments, this is a great improvement.
I've managed to re-read and proofread a prior work of mine which I will now entrust here with you in our Planet Annelies, my loveliest love. This work is dated 20090720.
Guidance
Our national sovereignty lies with the people. All of our geographical bounds, their resources and market potential, exist for the people. Our state, in all its levels, that represent our one Filipino nation in the democratic forums our one Republic undertaking of Country derive its authority to govern its peers through the will of Divine Providence from the mandate of the people. All of our endeavors of community, across all of our generations, that give life to our nation are undertaken by the people. The state itself ultimately is also of the people, deriving its particular belonging from the people. Our own sense of self identity is a common reality established by the memory of the hopes of our people, that lead us toward remembrance and the sanctification of our hopes in time.
Our nation is a vessel of sacred life which above all else is endowed by the Almighty God with a will of peace to shelter the generations of the people.
Therefore, time, territory, treasure - these things are negotiable items. They have the ability to renew themselves given time according to the needs of sacred life. But life, above all human life, is non-negotiable.
If we, as the Filipino people, in the service of our citizenship with each other, are ever to enter into battle, then let there be no other reason than this - because we are true to our commitments to our one nation; that we may, as a people together, fight to preserve and advance what promises we represent for each other and bring out what is best in ourselves as citizens of our one Republic peace.
For what else is a nation but our families, friends and dear ones, what else is our motion of Country but the will to shelter and provide for them - in peace and good will? What else are other nations made of but the same, what else is their will of Country but the same? And what hope have they entrusted to the care of each other apart from our own belongings to each other - but only the hope to live and to preserve their posterity?
The honor of our nations are not offended by disputes concerning the earth hereupon or the visible universe above or even the timeless void immediately beyond. These are things that test our understanding and if sought in the right spirit and with the necessary virtue, cultivate our potential for good and strengthen the familial bond between our nations.
Neither our national sovereignty nor our cultural integrity are ever that fragile. For what has been built by the actions of all human communities can not be undone for our nations are more than what we can see here on earth.
The honor of our nations are offended only by the lack of our sense of timeless remembrance of ourselves. For the heart of the children of Mankind stir only for this, unto remembrance. For it is only through remembrance and the sanctification of all human hopes in time that are we ever beckoned forward by the will of our Creator into the greater purposes of our LORD's glorious creation.
Much have been given to us, much also is expected of us to give and to provide for the needs of our own present time. War threatens to consume our hope but this is only so because we are not present to each other in the here and in the now - in God and Country, for God and Country.
For our hopes exist neither in the past nor in the future and if we leave this lineage unguarded in the here and now of the present by our refusal to accept the eternal memory of each other as our LORD intended us to be as human beings and as human nations together, the gravity of these times will sink ourselves and our communities deeper into the mire of false hopes unto tears and unto despair and we shall waste our all our lives and our generations in endless battles unto dissolution.
If there is division, bridge it not with the despair of war for this is exactly what war intends and the relief of two thousand years shall provide us with many validating examples of this. The calling of the times also press our hearts to yield to the common labor of this most favorable season for building. War has held our nations hostage for too long and for too much has the darkness ruled over our will - War is a lie - it never belonged here on our earth. It was never part of the original purposes for which our LORD established the realm of Mankind. And so however much we would like to plant the anchors of our hopes firmly in War, because virtue is not a native of the void of war but of the heaven of our LORD's golden eternity, it would only sink deeper and deeper into the nothingness. For War is just as empty of promise as it's defeated master, a tyrant and a murderer from the beginning.
Let us now build our world, O my friends, but with the hope of peace this time. If not for our present generations, for our Starshine and all of their generations of life.
Therefore, let us not cast our labors into the darkness for this darkness shall only wane behind us for we have but one path to take and we must take this path together as one family of nations. Let us allow ourselves to be swept away once again in the great all-embracing order of the all of creation. Upon our peace together in our hearts let us ascend and upon our understanding of each other in our world let us build upon belongings upon belongings unto unity and pull our inhabited earth away from all of this maddening darkness, eastward unto the gate of each our Eden's returning, eastward unto the one Peace of our Father Abraham, unto healing and strength for all our nations, unto shelter and prosperity for all our generations and respite for our failing world.
For no other reason does the noble military exist but to preserve the one family of the nations of Mankind. At the Last Day, our LORD Himself and His hosts will contend with War and the enemies of sacred life and all our crying together would come to an end. But until then, we shall observe the peace and turning away from war, build from our friendships the shape of this new age to come.
This will be our guidance.
---<--@
There was another recent ferry incident over here in the Philippines, my loveliest love. That these incidents are more frequent than seldom are an indication to me of a particular state of things, you know. An understanding of the Guidance that I have laid down with you above when it is viewed in the relief of all of these indications create a sense of mission - something that we, as a Filipino nation must do - and I feel this with all of my heart. It is our will of Country.
I've also been looking at the UN Millennium Development Goals and have been working to relate it with our thinking on the Morality of Human Need.
I love you, my Anne.
Always to always,
Pusing
Friday, September 4, 2009
20090904
Dear darlingest Miyang Marie,
Some Thoughts 20090904
I've thought of a greeting card line for Twilight Pawprints, my loveliest love - either "Kameowsta?" or "Kameowmeowsta?" I'm still developing this and some other ideas... I'm thinking of writing a script for a tele-nobela as well as inspired to work on some inspiring leads that I should like to express as poetry. Of course, I still owe you heaps of haikus, my Miyang.
You know, we are where our hearts are so the truth of our own particular belongings to each other and what words we use to describe them are always two different things. One is the truth, the other leads to the truth. If we are where are hearts are and we know we belong, cor ad cor loquitur, then even without words, we are. Just a thought, my loveliest love.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Some Thoughts 20090904
I've thought of a greeting card line for Twilight Pawprints, my loveliest love - either "Kameowsta?" or "Kameowmeowsta?" I'm still developing this and some other ideas... I'm thinking of writing a script for a tele-nobela as well as inspired to work on some inspiring leads that I should like to express as poetry. Of course, I still owe you heaps of haikus, my Miyang.
You know, we are where our hearts are so the truth of our own particular belongings to each other and what words we use to describe them are always two different things. One is the truth, the other leads to the truth. If we are where are hearts are and we know we belong, cor ad cor loquitur, then even without words, we are. Just a thought, my loveliest love.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
20090904e
These thoughts I collected last 20090902, my darlingest:
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
You know, things seem to be on the up and up, at least I do feel that way right now, my loveliest love. Right now, I'm just thankful and its a very good feeling to have.
I'm starting to get the hang of things at work and hope to be able to pass our second phase assessments. I also intend on focusing on my recovery and I do have a lot of things going right now that I feel will help me along this road, my love.
That is why, I just want to appreciate all these good things in my life right now.
---<--@
A Prelude to Freedom
You know, next year is a pivotal year for the Philippines, my darlingest. All the things I have been writing about that concerns her own Republic peace, they all converge on that one day in May of next year when the citizenry of this one, particular undertaking of Country shall be called upon by our one Filipino nation to the vote.
If we, as citizens, do not understand the vote, then we, as citizens also, will not understand what it means to have a voice in the democratic forums of our one Republic.
This only means that we are allowing force to eventually rule over our reason. Any tyranny, for it to mature, must always be a thing allowed by the people. And in our case, my love, this cycle begins again anew next year at the ballot boxes.
To sell one's own vote and to sell one's own soul, these two things are virtually the same. In the former, you lose your freedom and in the latter, your humanity. And verily, all human beings need both.
I remain vigilant for our Philippines, for our one family of nations, my love, and for peace.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
You know, things seem to be on the up and up, at least I do feel that way right now, my loveliest love. Right now, I'm just thankful and its a very good feeling to have.
I'm starting to get the hang of things at work and hope to be able to pass our second phase assessments. I also intend on focusing on my recovery and I do have a lot of things going right now that I feel will help me along this road, my love.
That is why, I just want to appreciate all these good things in my life right now.
---<--@
A Prelude to Freedom
You know, next year is a pivotal year for the Philippines, my darlingest. All the things I have been writing about that concerns her own Republic peace, they all converge on that one day in May of next year when the citizenry of this one, particular undertaking of Country shall be called upon by our one Filipino nation to the vote.
If we, as citizens, do not understand the vote, then we, as citizens also, will not understand what it means to have a voice in the democratic forums of our one Republic.
This only means that we are allowing force to eventually rule over our reason. Any tyranny, for it to mature, must always be a thing allowed by the people. And in our case, my love, this cycle begins again anew next year at the ballot boxes.
To sell one's own vote and to sell one's own soul, these two things are virtually the same. In the former, you lose your freedom and in the latter, your humanity. And verily, all human beings need both.
I remain vigilant for our Philippines, for our one family of nations, my love, and for peace.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
20090904d
This work I begun 20090901, my loveliest love, and I am yet in the process of pondering on it myself:
Our one Human Habitation
Cast adrift in this great void of time, in a remote spiral arms of our one Milky Way galaxy, but one upon one of more than a billion known galaxies that lay spread in their great clusters across the vast expanse of the visible universe; upon the life bearing regions of a nameless yellow star, lay a nameless, native planet of earth - a world embraced by those familiar circling of seasons held in their great cycles by the perennial sweep of each our measured round about a singular middle aged star we simply call, our sun; a world sheltering these worlds within ourselves.
This is the reality of our one planetary home.
It is a reality that while seemingly being presently obscured by the prevailing darkness of the times, is nevertheless the abiding truth that prevails as the one common reality of our one planetary home.
We are upon this earth, a world embarked upon an inevitable journey toward an inescapable destiny that, while it remains hidden and unbeknownst even to the understanding of many, is nevertheless an unfolding of a reality that has and ever will be a truth that is and must be shared by and with all human beings as the one common reality of our one human habitation.
Upon this, our home world, we as human beings have pondered together the questions of our existence.
Each these question as questions bent and inward sought like answers seeking its way into thought.
Each these thoughts as thoughts we must leave afloat upon the cumulative tide of each those silent moment we spend sought in our seeking.
Each our seeking like our prayers met by our ascending with each moment that rises and falls with each moment spent in the pondering of that great and unfathomable silence, awash upon a void, hostile beyond hostile to all of sacred life.
We are by what answers we bear for each other, ever like the twinkling of each of those unseen stars rising in great arcs upon the great ocean of our LORD's eternity, an inward part of the rising and falling of one firmament, an integral part of the seasons of our one native sky.
These seasons of our one native sky are the interior seasons within each and every human soul that when perceived through the ebb and flow motions of our coming together in our great belongings under the sun, become the great celestial sweep of that one unseen cycle rising from deep within the soul of all Mankind.
And it is this one unseen cycle that universally attests to our common human witness of that one great and unfathomable purpose of all creation, the one great celestial cycle, the one gathering of the all of sacred life, and the one destiny toward which we are purposed to steer the one common reality of our one human habitation.
We are like the questions that we ask, borne by each our own common experience of our one human habitation.
We are by what answers we bear for each other carried afloat upon the great sweep of the physical motions of this vast and empty realm of the visible universe.
For we are through each other, our own seamless experience of our one common human reality, the experience of our own human habitation.
Begun at the timeless birth of all human togetherness, we are upon the earth, upon this one great and visible realm of our one common human habitation with each other, as those worlds upon worlds bound by our own true belongings to each other as the one lineage of the generations of Mankind.
And fallen into the darkness of exile time, at the autumnal dusk of our faded Eden, at the great scattering of worlds, we were a togetherness never purposed to belong upon a realm intended to be as divided, dark and barren, as fallen, bitter and empty as these shattered skies fallen upon our world.
When we, as human beings, gaze out into the universe above and around ourselves, we must know in our heart of hearts that even in the midst of all this emptiness and longing for life, even in the embrace of all these questions sought here in the darkness of exile time, here at the great scattering of worlds, if we are to understand the order of the physical stars in those temporal heavens above and around our native of earth, from clusters to galaxies, from star to star, from worlds to their companion worlds, we can easily perceive in each native region of space what is reflected inwardly in our souls like a primordial longing bound in companionships.
For there is only a gathering sense of belonging in the all of visible creation and this sense of belonging, reflected by the physical order of even those shattered temporal skies that lay barren about our native of earth and amidst all of this exile darkness, is the one order that have endured and therefore, should be the one truth that must have always to prevail in the order of all of the visible universe.
For our one human habitation is not comprised of individual human beings ordered according to each individual self. Our one human habitation is ordered according to the connections that we serve with each other as individual human beings and those relationships borne in exile time and dimensional space that we in our shared humanity is purposed to serve with and for the all of sacred life that we must in our own particular belongings to each other responsibly carry out not as divided individuals but as united wholes.
Therefore, we must be able to perceive the reality of all of visible creation with an understanding that bring us closer to an understanding of what truth it reflects.
For our one human habitation reflects the truth about our own persons as human beings with and to each other - in God and Country, for God and Country.
---<--@
Our one Human Habitation
Cast adrift in this great void of time, in a remote spiral arms of our one Milky Way galaxy, but one upon one of more than a billion known galaxies that lay spread in their great clusters across the vast expanse of the visible universe; upon the life bearing regions of a nameless yellow star, lay a nameless, native planet of earth - a world embraced by those familiar circling of seasons held in their great cycles by the perennial sweep of each our measured round about a singular middle aged star we simply call, our sun; a world sheltering these worlds within ourselves.
This is the reality of our one planetary home.
It is a reality that while seemingly being presently obscured by the prevailing darkness of the times, is nevertheless the abiding truth that prevails as the one common reality of our one planetary home.
We are upon this earth, a world embarked upon an inevitable journey toward an inescapable destiny that, while it remains hidden and unbeknownst even to the understanding of many, is nevertheless an unfolding of a reality that has and ever will be a truth that is and must be shared by and with all human beings as the one common reality of our one human habitation.
Upon this, our home world, we as human beings have pondered together the questions of our existence.
Each these question as questions bent and inward sought like answers seeking its way into thought.
Each these thoughts as thoughts we must leave afloat upon the cumulative tide of each those silent moment we spend sought in our seeking.
Each our seeking like our prayers met by our ascending with each moment that rises and falls with each moment spent in the pondering of that great and unfathomable silence, awash upon a void, hostile beyond hostile to all of sacred life.
We are by what answers we bear for each other, ever like the twinkling of each of those unseen stars rising in great arcs upon the great ocean of our LORD's eternity, an inward part of the rising and falling of one firmament, an integral part of the seasons of our one native sky.
These seasons of our one native sky are the interior seasons within each and every human soul that when perceived through the ebb and flow motions of our coming together in our great belongings under the sun, become the great celestial sweep of that one unseen cycle rising from deep within the soul of all Mankind.
And it is this one unseen cycle that universally attests to our common human witness of that one great and unfathomable purpose of all creation, the one great celestial cycle, the one gathering of the all of sacred life, and the one destiny toward which we are purposed to steer the one common reality of our one human habitation.
We are like the questions that we ask, borne by each our own common experience of our one human habitation.
We are by what answers we bear for each other carried afloat upon the great sweep of the physical motions of this vast and empty realm of the visible universe.
For we are through each other, our own seamless experience of our one common human reality, the experience of our own human habitation.
Begun at the timeless birth of all human togetherness, we are upon the earth, upon this one great and visible realm of our one common human habitation with each other, as those worlds upon worlds bound by our own true belongings to each other as the one lineage of the generations of Mankind.
And fallen into the darkness of exile time, at the autumnal dusk of our faded Eden, at the great scattering of worlds, we were a togetherness never purposed to belong upon a realm intended to be as divided, dark and barren, as fallen, bitter and empty as these shattered skies fallen upon our world.
When we, as human beings, gaze out into the universe above and around ourselves, we must know in our heart of hearts that even in the midst of all this emptiness and longing for life, even in the embrace of all these questions sought here in the darkness of exile time, here at the great scattering of worlds, if we are to understand the order of the physical stars in those temporal heavens above and around our native of earth, from clusters to galaxies, from star to star, from worlds to their companion worlds, we can easily perceive in each native region of space what is reflected inwardly in our souls like a primordial longing bound in companionships.
For there is only a gathering sense of belonging in the all of visible creation and this sense of belonging, reflected by the physical order of even those shattered temporal skies that lay barren about our native of earth and amidst all of this exile darkness, is the one order that have endured and therefore, should be the one truth that must have always to prevail in the order of all of the visible universe.
For our one human habitation is not comprised of individual human beings ordered according to each individual self. Our one human habitation is ordered according to the connections that we serve with each other as individual human beings and those relationships borne in exile time and dimensional space that we in our shared humanity is purposed to serve with and for the all of sacred life that we must in our own particular belongings to each other responsibly carry out not as divided individuals but as united wholes.
Therefore, we must be able to perceive the reality of all of visible creation with an understanding that bring us closer to an understanding of what truth it reflects.
For our one human habitation reflects the truth about our own persons as human beings with and to each other - in God and Country, for God and Country.
---<--@
20090904c
These thoughts I collected 20090901:
Dear darlingest Miyang,
Bad Memories
Bad memories are like potholes along the road. We have to fill them up with the substance of good memories before we can enjoy a smooth ride again.
This is what happens to me when ever I take a fall and bad memories happen - things slow down, the damage occurs and I have to deal with the aftermath. Lust is an appetite and the more it is fed, the hungrier it gets. To get away from it, I have to have a smooth road.
When life gets bumpy, as it often times do, that's when the mettle of all true friendships are tested and as often as our friendships are tested, my loveliest love, is as often as I have found you. That's why your one of my bestest of friends.
It is always a joy to travel this road of life with you, my darlingest Annelies Marie.
---<--@
Today is also the birthday of one of my bestest of friends with you. Just to remind me to email my buddy.
And I also have to finish the other half of my laundry later. But for now, I need to rest and get some sleep under my belt.
I have an outstanding request from the Aid to the Church in Need which I have to attend to as well.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Miyang,
Bad Memories
Bad memories are like potholes along the road. We have to fill them up with the substance of good memories before we can enjoy a smooth ride again.
This is what happens to me when ever I take a fall and bad memories happen - things slow down, the damage occurs and I have to deal with the aftermath. Lust is an appetite and the more it is fed, the hungrier it gets. To get away from it, I have to have a smooth road.
When life gets bumpy, as it often times do, that's when the mettle of all true friendships are tested and as often as our friendships are tested, my loveliest love, is as often as I have found you. That's why your one of my bestest of friends.
It is always a joy to travel this road of life with you, my darlingest Annelies Marie.
---<--@
Today is also the birthday of one of my bestest of friends with you. Just to remind me to email my buddy.
And I also have to finish the other half of my laundry later. But for now, I need to rest and get some sleep under my belt.
I have an outstanding request from the Aid to the Church in Need which I have to attend to as well.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
20090904b
These thoughts I collected 20090829:
Dear darlingest Miayng,
Adversity Tempering Hope
I fell again into drugs, its unwelcome company again found a way to obtain an entrance into my life. This addiction seem to cling on to me, thinking perhaps that I am still in love with its lie. But I am not, my love.
I know what it is by what it is not. And with every fall I observe it not by what it promises but by what promises it breaks. Everything it touches, it turns to dust. The more I understand it, the more I understand what it asks.
And these days, my love, it shall never have it. For unlike before, this addiction no longer possesses (or holds ransom) any part of my life's necessary pursuit of happiness. Neither does it have any more claim to my loyalty and my love.
I repent from the day I allowed this intruder in my life. So much of my life, my own weaknesses, and the lives of my own family and friends have suffered from its influence.
Yet through the influence of the same family and friends was my freedom restored to me and through the mercy of our LORD God, I now have a choice.
It was the ignorance of my youth that it chose to exploit. It shall never again find me there. For this addiction is a lie. Ask a lie about either truth or self and it knows neither. So it shall remain in ignorance.
But as my remembrance of the truth grows, I know my own hope is no longer a matter of how, but when.
I will press ahead toward a place it can never follow. I know where my heart belongs and it is not to this addiction.
---<--@
Change to Master Change
Change is the only certainty in the life of Man. Time is both a flow that grows outward from the heart as well as a motion that rises and falls in the now of each moment. The former is subjective and belongs only to each of our You and I with the LORD, our God and the latter is an objective medium of truth and belongs to the all of creation in relation with the all of creation and its one Creator.
Subjective time and physical time both constitute exile time which like the ebb and flow motion of the lunar tides, drive the ascendant motion of sacred life.
The experience of time, here in our human habitation with each other, is the experience of change. For just as in the eternity of our LORD God, all that is truth is immovable and unyielding in their perfection, here upon our human habitation, all that is truth is ever in motion.
Time is like a wild stallion. Before we can ride it, we must break it. This is just the same as it is to say all change is fleeting because we must first master change before we are able to use its strength to tame the unknown earth.
Time is not just a measure. Neither is time a distance from any two points in causality. Neither is time a space wherein the human heart may rely upon for remembrance.
Time is both an effect as well as an inclination. And we must understand time as it is for us to be able to apply ourselves to the labor of the times which the labor of restoring peace.
Time as an element of the physicality of the visible universe is no longer enough to satisfy the needs and requirements of our present reality. If we convince our hearts that time is just the mathematics of temporality, as we have done so in the last age, then things in temporality will begin to seem random and without order and our perception of history will soon begin to empty itself out of value and meaning.
But if we are mindful of the spirit within ourselves, we are wont to experience (or to want to experience), at any instant in our life, time as an inclination to hope. Those who are mindful of the truth of things unseen are also alive to the truth within themselves and so dwells with a kind of native spirituality upon the earth.
I shall define spirituality as an application of the truth of our inward experiences and if we have within ourselves a form of spirituality, it must also follow that we are observant of the motions of sacred life.
There are people who experience spirituality without having any formal grounding in religious truths for creation itself, being a thing of good, drives the spirit of Man. Therefore, the human experience of creation is a source of spirituality but one must be mindful also that in this world of probation there are things that are also unseen things, dark and false, which when applied to the spirit of the self, allows evil to enter into each our lives and war to deny the peace of our nations.
And for all the terrible wake of the past two thousand years, it is the common duty of all honorable religion to provide for our shared humanity, a safeguard against things false and dark and a safe harbor for the restless spirit of Man.
For religious truth is a revealed form of the eternal reality and so imparts permanence to our experience of time not by its understanding of the truths of our sciences but by its understanding of the existence that drive these truths.
All truths being ascendant in their motion are essentially a motion intended only for those purposes by which our Creator has intended our creation to fulfill which are always good. And so all religion universally believe in good things for if it were not so, time itself will rise against it.
Religion fosters spirituality but any religion without a form of spirituality is a sham. For the spirit is like water not because of any physical similarity but because of its motion in exile time. A religion that promises to obtain for any of us the world of material things without heed to the purposes through which the forbearance of our LORD has preserved this world is ignorant of its own sacred duty. Or worse, out to exploit the hope of the nameless masses and bring shame to the mantle of all honorable religion.
Man is ever beckoned by the questions that accompany each one of us in our heart of hearts for the labor to which the soul of Man is universally called is a yearning for the truth. If we do not ask the questions that make us human, it only means we are lost to the truth.
But what is the truth in this world, what is this yearning, what is the purpose of this yearning? How do we answer these questions? To validate our existence, all human beings, at one point in each our life, must seek to find what constantly beckons us to the truth.
The substance of truth is a spiritual reality and therefore, is constantly in motion. It fills our experience of reality that we may then call it with words apt to our understanding of its concreteness and form. A tree is only true when it is a tree not only in form but also in motion. A plastic tree is suspicious because it is not possessed of its own substance. For the soul of Man is universally literate as far as the substance of truth is concerned.
Therefore, there is no easy answer to the questions that we, as human beings, in the depths of our hearts are so inclined to ask in the silence of our souls, in the confidence of our most intimate of intimates, in the centers of our religions and in the councils of our shared humanity.
This wanting, yearning, seeking is a lineage and this lineage is the structure of all human hope. We ask because all human beings possess an in-built inclination to hope and to ignore this hope is to be ignorant of its reality.
Ignorance of hope inevitably leads to despair and despair is the common thread that bind together all things human that precipitates into division and armed conflict. And I should interject here that we are speaking specifically of failures that are distinctly human for the spirit of war is not human.
At the same time, we must also understand that the purpose of our nations is to prosper the peace and foster the hope that provides for the people. Therefore, if we are to address the prevailing lack that consume our nations, being mindful of the truth of these things, we are effectively building on the substance of the peace. For peace is the eternal purpose of our nations, it is the order by which we are expected to each endure the requirements of our human life and with each other prevail in the truth. And so if we place the anchors of our hopes on things that are enduring, we lay our claim to those promises that prevail not because its lineage is subject to any random chance but because its lineage leads us from truth to truth and strength to strength.
And so we have come full circle in our discussion and going back to our experience of time, specifically, exile time, if we are to be mindful of time, we will observe in our heart of hearts that time is more than its physical manifestation, in fact, time that is physical is always an effect. If we shall set our gaze upon physical time and think to change it, it is impossible because the time for change as regards to physical time is already passed.
There are those of us who seek change in this way by placing the locus of our will at some past time, thinking that there is a past time that exists, we anchor our hopes from desires that extend like a lineage backwards from the present now and away from the doors that open the way into future things yet unclaimed. But time does not exist to scatter nor does time exist to serve our lack of remembrance - physical time, that is. For by the time we arrive, if by physical time alone, we would have already determined the place.
What the future brings is never determined by our ignorance of the needs of the present time. And no future is writ in stone, it is always what our LORD intends, for the future is when we remember who we are, what we are, and why we are here for. Time that flows outward from our hearts is the reality that is promulgated from the Throne of our LORD in eternity, and the experience of time as a necessary spiritual reality not apart from but in consonant with physical time is both the reason as well as the validation to why time is both an effect as well as an inclination.
As light is both a particle and a wave, time is both a coming and a going, we build from the timeless, what in time shall add to the lineages of our nations as well as to the lineages of each our selves and both of them, if we are true, being a heritage of peace.
To master the ride, we must break the mindset that keeps us from being in the here and now. And then, to be able to use its strength and harness its will of change, we must become alive again to the truth that gives breath to each our human spirit, quickening the heart and making each our soul aware of itself for we are, as the timeless expression of the "you and I", what allow us - in the company of our friendships and in the company of our nations - to bring both permanence and light in a world that is very badly in need of both rest and repair.
So to change our world, we must change ourselves. And to be able to do so, especially as nations, there must be in our heart of hearts, a remembrance not only of ourselves but also of others as ourselves - not ruled by division but ordered by our belongings to each other. And if we remember our peace, we also remember our LORD God, because it is not through war that change is mastered, it is not through division that any of our hopes remain in their unbroken lineages, but only in the remembrance of the LORD and service to sacred life that the anchors of our individual as well as national longings for a necessary peace find again their native strength.
So many people dwell in tears because their hopes are left unrecognized, their needs unaddressed, their shared humanity unrealized, the damage of war more than what it takes from our belonging to each other, it is also prevalent in what it leaves in its collective wake, for the darkness of war is a spiritual malaise that bring division to the native unity of all of creation. For the mindset of war requires division but the understanding of peace tends towards unity in the truth.
It is strange that hope is a virtue that is specifically sent to bring forth in the darkness, from the understanding of our nations, the necessary unity of peace which is its purpose. To the individual, hope is an inclination towards peace and good will, to our nations, hope is an inclination towards remembrance - it conditions physical time by reminding the heart of Man to always be mindful of the truth of the human condition and its unchanging responsibilities.
Love is a motive, faith a strength, but hope is a becoming - it transforms us from one breath into one breathing together, it binds our nations together in authentic freedom, it allows us to bear together the requirements of our being human and in the midst of even the deepest of darkness, it keeps for our shared humanity, the light of peace that serves to kindle and rekindle our sacred remembrance.
Hope reminds us to be vigilant in our attitudes of prayer and to discern the seasons that guide the labors of our times.
Hope is a virtue whose particular commission is to dwell in the memory of Man, it is the longing that seeks, it is the questions that ask, it is the purpose that drives all things that fulfill us in the truth of ourselves. It is the virtue that guide the course of physical time. If we recognize what hope is and we anchor its longing on something good, then we will have gained the freedom to choose the outcomes before the outcomes are chosen for us. And if we remember the hopes of others, we become citizens to each other.
Some people who have mastered change in their lives have also mastered their hope. They hope not by believing in randomness and blind chance but by working out the paths that shall lead them toward those necessary graces that fulfill the promise its virtue in their lives.
But all people who master change are able to calm the storms of uncertainty in themselves and take charge of the vessel of their lives.
If we are no longer tossed by the random winds that flow from the fickle seasons of this world, knowing by a conviction in the heart, that all of these are but part of this world and therefore, just as ephemeral, then it only follows that the anchor that holds us fast against the storm must be just as unyielding in its strength as our trust in and determination of the reality of its truth.
Absolutely speaking, the motions of exile time is a washing away of the darkness and a shedding away of former things. All hopes have their fulfillment in the glory of God in the all in all of creation. So we must set aside a place in our hearts for these things, for even if there is weakness, it is not through weakness that we endure. We endure because there is hope and we come to strength because we have anchored our hopes on things that not only endure but prevail.
---<--@
Health Care
Of the three elements of Country, the nation, the state and the common market - only the nation and the state can be said to be humanly interested as well as politically invested in health care, respectively speaking.
In individual terms, health is a human good. But in terms of individual nations, health is a necessary good. Therefore, it is a prudent thing to make provisions for the maintenance of the public health in terms that serve both the individual as well as the national requirements. This is possible because both the individual as well as the national requirement for health care are in keeping with good and the common good.
The only difference is what is subject to necessity and what is subject to choice.
What must be avoided is to place health care in the scope of the common market. For the common market exists for material prosperity and is driven by needs that are often unfamiliar with the keeping of the other elements of Country. It is not that the common market is uncaring of the needs of our being human. It is because it is imbued with a different aspect of our common labors of Country. What it seeks to preserve and what it is meant to advance are temporal as well as material goods and it provides for these needs. Even its failings are an accurate reflection of what the common market is as a distinct element apart from the nation and the state.
The maintenance of health is not a product nor is health an outcome of market processes. Therefore, as regards to health care as a human need, the common market responds differently at best. And at worst, it responds not at all.
Health is a responsibility. It is for the individual, a free and human choice and for the responsible state, something from a public good when it is considered as a civic duty to a national right when it is effected through legislative action.
Health is like taxes, only we pay it as a condition of our being human. Therefore, just as in the sharing of the tax burden, it is the sharing itself that is the duty of every citizen, so it is with health care, the extension of our belonging to each other.
As regards to health care, what is necessary is for everybody and this must be adequately interpreted by the state and what is made available for the exercise of free and human choice must be the responsibility of those who are willing and able to exercise it.
The state and the nation should be in agreement as regards to how to align the good with the common good and this agreement should form the basis of any dealings with the common market which will also be necessary but only as a supplier and/or as a provider in terms of employee benefits and not as a part of the health care system. It will be regulated and preserved by the state, utilized, sustained and governed by the nation and supported by the enterprise economy of the free market (the common market). It is neither public nor private - the effect is a national cooperative system of health care. All sectors stand to benefit from it by doing what each does best.
It is the expectation in Miyangerjia, at the very least, that health care is never to be perceived as a burden because it is a burden that is shared by the community and is therefore, no longer a burden but a civic duty.
---<--@
Auxiliary Forces
The paradigm of the peace requires us to rethink the nature of auxiliary forces. And by auxiliary forces, I mean to say, non-native troops.
There are central forces and there are local forces and none of these are auxiliary for all are native troops. And both of these belong to the national military forces.
Absolutely speaking, given the nature of the present times, all human forces are native forces.
---<--@
Lesson Learned 20090829
So there I was, my darling, getting ready for work Friday night. I've purged myself of that urge somehow by keeping my focus on those things I know I care more and love more about than demon drugs - like God, true self, friends, friendships and good work. There is confusion in my life but my hopes for my own life as well as that of our nations and all those that we love are anchored on those things - our hopes for peace. My own recovery and my own labors in this life are intertwined like you and I are in our love. So to apply myself to these things, I must be true to these things.
I used to placate the presence of demon drugs so close to my own life by paying it off. And then it sucked me in. You give sin a toehold, it takes over your whole life. And its your fault. So I set expectations straight - lest my own hypocrisy deny me what hope I desire for my own life, my love - I will neither abuse nor will I tolerate it in other people.
But I also do not want to be lied to as well. And I did not expect this lie to come from somewhere so close to home. Its so frustrating but I have thought about it and when and if it shall happen again, I will restrict it as much as I could but I shall never again be so frustrated as to allow my own hurt to collapse my commitments to the truth.
I work hard for my money, my darlingest, and I will not allow my own wages to feed into the false economies of false things that I know contribute to the suffering of millions. It is a difficult balance but one I must keep for now until such a time as I am able to move out and find a place of my own. To do this I must concentrate on my work and my recovery.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Miayng,
Adversity Tempering Hope
I fell again into drugs, its unwelcome company again found a way to obtain an entrance into my life. This addiction seem to cling on to me, thinking perhaps that I am still in love with its lie. But I am not, my love.
I know what it is by what it is not. And with every fall I observe it not by what it promises but by what promises it breaks. Everything it touches, it turns to dust. The more I understand it, the more I understand what it asks.
And these days, my love, it shall never have it. For unlike before, this addiction no longer possesses (or holds ransom) any part of my life's necessary pursuit of happiness. Neither does it have any more claim to my loyalty and my love.
I repent from the day I allowed this intruder in my life. So much of my life, my own weaknesses, and the lives of my own family and friends have suffered from its influence.
Yet through the influence of the same family and friends was my freedom restored to me and through the mercy of our LORD God, I now have a choice.
It was the ignorance of my youth that it chose to exploit. It shall never again find me there. For this addiction is a lie. Ask a lie about either truth or self and it knows neither. So it shall remain in ignorance.
But as my remembrance of the truth grows, I know my own hope is no longer a matter of how, but when.
I will press ahead toward a place it can never follow. I know where my heart belongs and it is not to this addiction.
---<--@
Change to Master Change
Change is the only certainty in the life of Man. Time is both a flow that grows outward from the heart as well as a motion that rises and falls in the now of each moment. The former is subjective and belongs only to each of our You and I with the LORD, our God and the latter is an objective medium of truth and belongs to the all of creation in relation with the all of creation and its one Creator.
Subjective time and physical time both constitute exile time which like the ebb and flow motion of the lunar tides, drive the ascendant motion of sacred life.
The experience of time, here in our human habitation with each other, is the experience of change. For just as in the eternity of our LORD God, all that is truth is immovable and unyielding in their perfection, here upon our human habitation, all that is truth is ever in motion.
Time is like a wild stallion. Before we can ride it, we must break it. This is just the same as it is to say all change is fleeting because we must first master change before we are able to use its strength to tame the unknown earth.
Time is not just a measure. Neither is time a distance from any two points in causality. Neither is time a space wherein the human heart may rely upon for remembrance.
Time is both an effect as well as an inclination. And we must understand time as it is for us to be able to apply ourselves to the labor of the times which the labor of restoring peace.
Time as an element of the physicality of the visible universe is no longer enough to satisfy the needs and requirements of our present reality. If we convince our hearts that time is just the mathematics of temporality, as we have done so in the last age, then things in temporality will begin to seem random and without order and our perception of history will soon begin to empty itself out of value and meaning.
But if we are mindful of the spirit within ourselves, we are wont to experience (or to want to experience), at any instant in our life, time as an inclination to hope. Those who are mindful of the truth of things unseen are also alive to the truth within themselves and so dwells with a kind of native spirituality upon the earth.
I shall define spirituality as an application of the truth of our inward experiences and if we have within ourselves a form of spirituality, it must also follow that we are observant of the motions of sacred life.
There are people who experience spirituality without having any formal grounding in religious truths for creation itself, being a thing of good, drives the spirit of Man. Therefore, the human experience of creation is a source of spirituality but one must be mindful also that in this world of probation there are things that are also unseen things, dark and false, which when applied to the spirit of the self, allows evil to enter into each our lives and war to deny the peace of our nations.
And for all the terrible wake of the past two thousand years, it is the common duty of all honorable religion to provide for our shared humanity, a safeguard against things false and dark and a safe harbor for the restless spirit of Man.
For religious truth is a revealed form of the eternal reality and so imparts permanence to our experience of time not by its understanding of the truths of our sciences but by its understanding of the existence that drive these truths.
All truths being ascendant in their motion are essentially a motion intended only for those purposes by which our Creator has intended our creation to fulfill which are always good. And so all religion universally believe in good things for if it were not so, time itself will rise against it.
Religion fosters spirituality but any religion without a form of spirituality is a sham. For the spirit is like water not because of any physical similarity but because of its motion in exile time. A religion that promises to obtain for any of us the world of material things without heed to the purposes through which the forbearance of our LORD has preserved this world is ignorant of its own sacred duty. Or worse, out to exploit the hope of the nameless masses and bring shame to the mantle of all honorable religion.
Man is ever beckoned by the questions that accompany each one of us in our heart of hearts for the labor to which the soul of Man is universally called is a yearning for the truth. If we do not ask the questions that make us human, it only means we are lost to the truth.
But what is the truth in this world, what is this yearning, what is the purpose of this yearning? How do we answer these questions? To validate our existence, all human beings, at one point in each our life, must seek to find what constantly beckons us to the truth.
The substance of truth is a spiritual reality and therefore, is constantly in motion. It fills our experience of reality that we may then call it with words apt to our understanding of its concreteness and form. A tree is only true when it is a tree not only in form but also in motion. A plastic tree is suspicious because it is not possessed of its own substance. For the soul of Man is universally literate as far as the substance of truth is concerned.
Therefore, there is no easy answer to the questions that we, as human beings, in the depths of our hearts are so inclined to ask in the silence of our souls, in the confidence of our most intimate of intimates, in the centers of our religions and in the councils of our shared humanity.
This wanting, yearning, seeking is a lineage and this lineage is the structure of all human hope. We ask because all human beings possess an in-built inclination to hope and to ignore this hope is to be ignorant of its reality.
Ignorance of hope inevitably leads to despair and despair is the common thread that bind together all things human that precipitates into division and armed conflict. And I should interject here that we are speaking specifically of failures that are distinctly human for the spirit of war is not human.
At the same time, we must also understand that the purpose of our nations is to prosper the peace and foster the hope that provides for the people. Therefore, if we are to address the prevailing lack that consume our nations, being mindful of the truth of these things, we are effectively building on the substance of the peace. For peace is the eternal purpose of our nations, it is the order by which we are expected to each endure the requirements of our human life and with each other prevail in the truth. And so if we place the anchors of our hopes on things that are enduring, we lay our claim to those promises that prevail not because its lineage is subject to any random chance but because its lineage leads us from truth to truth and strength to strength.
And so we have come full circle in our discussion and going back to our experience of time, specifically, exile time, if we are to be mindful of time, we will observe in our heart of hearts that time is more than its physical manifestation, in fact, time that is physical is always an effect. If we shall set our gaze upon physical time and think to change it, it is impossible because the time for change as regards to physical time is already passed.
There are those of us who seek change in this way by placing the locus of our will at some past time, thinking that there is a past time that exists, we anchor our hopes from desires that extend like a lineage backwards from the present now and away from the doors that open the way into future things yet unclaimed. But time does not exist to scatter nor does time exist to serve our lack of remembrance - physical time, that is. For by the time we arrive, if by physical time alone, we would have already determined the place.
What the future brings is never determined by our ignorance of the needs of the present time. And no future is writ in stone, it is always what our LORD intends, for the future is when we remember who we are, what we are, and why we are here for. Time that flows outward from our hearts is the reality that is promulgated from the Throne of our LORD in eternity, and the experience of time as a necessary spiritual reality not apart from but in consonant with physical time is both the reason as well as the validation to why time is both an effect as well as an inclination.
As light is both a particle and a wave, time is both a coming and a going, we build from the timeless, what in time shall add to the lineages of our nations as well as to the lineages of each our selves and both of them, if we are true, being a heritage of peace.
To master the ride, we must break the mindset that keeps us from being in the here and now. And then, to be able to use its strength and harness its will of change, we must become alive again to the truth that gives breath to each our human spirit, quickening the heart and making each our soul aware of itself for we are, as the timeless expression of the "you and I", what allow us - in the company of our friendships and in the company of our nations - to bring both permanence and light in a world that is very badly in need of both rest and repair.
So to change our world, we must change ourselves. And to be able to do so, especially as nations, there must be in our heart of hearts, a remembrance not only of ourselves but also of others as ourselves - not ruled by division but ordered by our belongings to each other. And if we remember our peace, we also remember our LORD God, because it is not through war that change is mastered, it is not through division that any of our hopes remain in their unbroken lineages, but only in the remembrance of the LORD and service to sacred life that the anchors of our individual as well as national longings for a necessary peace find again their native strength.
So many people dwell in tears because their hopes are left unrecognized, their needs unaddressed, their shared humanity unrealized, the damage of war more than what it takes from our belonging to each other, it is also prevalent in what it leaves in its collective wake, for the darkness of war is a spiritual malaise that bring division to the native unity of all of creation. For the mindset of war requires division but the understanding of peace tends towards unity in the truth.
It is strange that hope is a virtue that is specifically sent to bring forth in the darkness, from the understanding of our nations, the necessary unity of peace which is its purpose. To the individual, hope is an inclination towards peace and good will, to our nations, hope is an inclination towards remembrance - it conditions physical time by reminding the heart of Man to always be mindful of the truth of the human condition and its unchanging responsibilities.
Love is a motive, faith a strength, but hope is a becoming - it transforms us from one breath into one breathing together, it binds our nations together in authentic freedom, it allows us to bear together the requirements of our being human and in the midst of even the deepest of darkness, it keeps for our shared humanity, the light of peace that serves to kindle and rekindle our sacred remembrance.
Hope reminds us to be vigilant in our attitudes of prayer and to discern the seasons that guide the labors of our times.
Hope is a virtue whose particular commission is to dwell in the memory of Man, it is the longing that seeks, it is the questions that ask, it is the purpose that drives all things that fulfill us in the truth of ourselves. It is the virtue that guide the course of physical time. If we recognize what hope is and we anchor its longing on something good, then we will have gained the freedom to choose the outcomes before the outcomes are chosen for us. And if we remember the hopes of others, we become citizens to each other.
Some people who have mastered change in their lives have also mastered their hope. They hope not by believing in randomness and blind chance but by working out the paths that shall lead them toward those necessary graces that fulfill the promise its virtue in their lives.
But all people who master change are able to calm the storms of uncertainty in themselves and take charge of the vessel of their lives.
If we are no longer tossed by the random winds that flow from the fickle seasons of this world, knowing by a conviction in the heart, that all of these are but part of this world and therefore, just as ephemeral, then it only follows that the anchor that holds us fast against the storm must be just as unyielding in its strength as our trust in and determination of the reality of its truth.
Absolutely speaking, the motions of exile time is a washing away of the darkness and a shedding away of former things. All hopes have their fulfillment in the glory of God in the all in all of creation. So we must set aside a place in our hearts for these things, for even if there is weakness, it is not through weakness that we endure. We endure because there is hope and we come to strength because we have anchored our hopes on things that not only endure but prevail.
---<--@
Health Care
Of the three elements of Country, the nation, the state and the common market - only the nation and the state can be said to be humanly interested as well as politically invested in health care, respectively speaking.
In individual terms, health is a human good. But in terms of individual nations, health is a necessary good. Therefore, it is a prudent thing to make provisions for the maintenance of the public health in terms that serve both the individual as well as the national requirements. This is possible because both the individual as well as the national requirement for health care are in keeping with good and the common good.
The only difference is what is subject to necessity and what is subject to choice.
What must be avoided is to place health care in the scope of the common market. For the common market exists for material prosperity and is driven by needs that are often unfamiliar with the keeping of the other elements of Country. It is not that the common market is uncaring of the needs of our being human. It is because it is imbued with a different aspect of our common labors of Country. What it seeks to preserve and what it is meant to advance are temporal as well as material goods and it provides for these needs. Even its failings are an accurate reflection of what the common market is as a distinct element apart from the nation and the state.
The maintenance of health is not a product nor is health an outcome of market processes. Therefore, as regards to health care as a human need, the common market responds differently at best. And at worst, it responds not at all.
Health is a responsibility. It is for the individual, a free and human choice and for the responsible state, something from a public good when it is considered as a civic duty to a national right when it is effected through legislative action.
Health is like taxes, only we pay it as a condition of our being human. Therefore, just as in the sharing of the tax burden, it is the sharing itself that is the duty of every citizen, so it is with health care, the extension of our belonging to each other.
As regards to health care, what is necessary is for everybody and this must be adequately interpreted by the state and what is made available for the exercise of free and human choice must be the responsibility of those who are willing and able to exercise it.
The state and the nation should be in agreement as regards to how to align the good with the common good and this agreement should form the basis of any dealings with the common market which will also be necessary but only as a supplier and/or as a provider in terms of employee benefits and not as a part of the health care system. It will be regulated and preserved by the state, utilized, sustained and governed by the nation and supported by the enterprise economy of the free market (the common market). It is neither public nor private - the effect is a national cooperative system of health care. All sectors stand to benefit from it by doing what each does best.
It is the expectation in Miyangerjia, at the very least, that health care is never to be perceived as a burden because it is a burden that is shared by the community and is therefore, no longer a burden but a civic duty.
---<--@
Auxiliary Forces
The paradigm of the peace requires us to rethink the nature of auxiliary forces. And by auxiliary forces, I mean to say, non-native troops.
There are central forces and there are local forces and none of these are auxiliary for all are native troops. And both of these belong to the national military forces.
Absolutely speaking, given the nature of the present times, all human forces are native forces.
---<--@
Lesson Learned 20090829
So there I was, my darling, getting ready for work Friday night. I've purged myself of that urge somehow by keeping my focus on those things I know I care more and love more about than demon drugs - like God, true self, friends, friendships and good work. There is confusion in my life but my hopes for my own life as well as that of our nations and all those that we love are anchored on those things - our hopes for peace. My own recovery and my own labors in this life are intertwined like you and I are in our love. So to apply myself to these things, I must be true to these things.
I used to placate the presence of demon drugs so close to my own life by paying it off. And then it sucked me in. You give sin a toehold, it takes over your whole life. And its your fault. So I set expectations straight - lest my own hypocrisy deny me what hope I desire for my own life, my love - I will neither abuse nor will I tolerate it in other people.
But I also do not want to be lied to as well. And I did not expect this lie to come from somewhere so close to home. Its so frustrating but I have thought about it and when and if it shall happen again, I will restrict it as much as I could but I shall never again be so frustrated as to allow my own hurt to collapse my commitments to the truth.
I work hard for my money, my darlingest, and I will not allow my own wages to feed into the false economies of false things that I know contribute to the suffering of millions. It is a difficult balance but one I must keep for now until such a time as I am able to move out and find a place of my own. To do this I must concentrate on my work and my recovery.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
20090904a
Sorry, my darlingest, things are just really difficult here where I am right now, but I am still writing about the things we are most concerned about - including the progress of my own life. I just need to review some of those entries as well as put down some new ideas. There thoughts I collected 20090827:
Dear darlingest Miyang,
Copenhagen and Biking
I just saw a report on the Big Boss Cat (the BBC) about the City of Copenhagen being the most bicycle friendly city in Europe. I feel so glad for Copenhagen and Sweden, too!
I personally have always like biking and I know of more than a few closest of friends as well as family who loves to bike. I know you yourself love to bike. And Margot, too. And you know, speaking of Sweden reminds me of that cute little line from the movie "Hey, Hey its Esther Blueburger, 'Swedish?'"
All of these are indeed good reasons to applaud Copenhagen and by extension Sweden, of course, for this fact. But we do have deeper and more profound reasons also to be advocates of the same with Copenhagen.
For when it comes to saving our environment - it takes much to reap much. When it comes to global warming, baby steps do not count, my love. Odd but true.
And so let me tell you this, my loveliest love, our fair Miyangersjia is 100% with Copenhagen on this - the planning and the designs of our roads and highways will and must incorporate not just motor traffic but biking, pedestrian (jogging) as well as efficient mass transportation lanes.
We are but one planet so none of us could truly ever claim to have one feet on the issue and the other one where exactly? For the good sake of our earth, we all must be in it to win it. And if we can not do it by nations, Miyang, we will do it by cities and believe together that if we build it, the day will come that we shall achieve it and the rest will follow.
This initiative must and will mesh with all the other green initiatives within our fair Miyangersjia like wind energy, proper public education, public ownership and responsible citizenry, waste recycling, our market triangle application that seeks to maintain an agrarian base and the principles of our City Charter itself all must come together in the individual citizen to help us together build a shelter of community that shall not only endure but prevail for our shared humanity till the Last Day.
Pornography
I remember a time when I kept my own secret stash of porn. I call those times those "times of shame". I also remember how the addiction fought against me when time came and the LORD asked me to destroy them all. It occurred to me that I bought it with my own money, it occurred to me that to be efficient I should keep them or at least give them to my friends but all of those avenues were evil and evil begot. Now, I never keep secret stashes of poison porn.
While there are times when I still do fall into temptation as regards to pornography, those times I have further succeeded in limiting only to when my will is weakened by drug abuse. And on the highway of my life, here on our eastward travels together on the Main Meow Meow, my dear beloved Purrrincess Meowrrrja Meowrrrj, drugs are due to take the next exit into the void of oblivion.
I said no to both poison porn and demon drugs at their very roots - irrevocably and absolutely. Of course, God had to break my stupid pride before all of that and this was the difficult part. For as I humbly accepted to the LORD that these things are a lie and that my God alone is the truth it was then that the LORD, our God, turned me over each new leaf and I have been shedding all of my old autumnal foliage ever since. And you know what the very best part of the story is, he gave me you and I was never, ever the same, my Miyang, for nowadays it seems, I am the ball, you are the bounce.
There were times when the external times of the day ruled my life and the clock of my addiction ran with the tides and the times of the earth and the moon. There was a time in my life when it was easier to flee into the arms of falseness and vanity when under the cover of the physical darkness of the night or when an alibi presented itself to my sin ever like the serpent presented itself to our first parents.
But it seems - bless the LORD - those times are waning in my life, my love. For nowadays, my darling, when it might seem to the untrained heart like night out here in the world, in the universe within my soul, it is always noontime because I am here, trying - striving - to be always to always present to where neither secret nor division can be kept from the glorious golden gaze of the one Daystar Sun of my life, Who is the One Almighty, our LORD God. Away from Here I have no belonging, my darlingest, because away from here is away from you and away from you, my love, is away from the all of you.
And that thinking I once shared with other suffering porn addicts, at least those single ones, that marriage to a purty cat can be a remedy to poison porn, that won't work either. For this line of thinking is nothing but another invitation into a whole new chapter of disillusionment and hurt but this time wreaked upon the lives of more than just one person, my darlingest dear, instead of just the one suffering addict.
The roots of porn is not corporeal, this poison is - like the darkness of our world of this present time - a spiritual malaise. And all things spiritual have their battles fought and won (and lost) in the heart of the person who our LORD calls individually by our name into battle against the evils within him or herself.
And so I do not see now how marriage to a purty cat can help any suffering addict if the very locus of our will to prevail against evil is not within ourselves. If we consider marriage or the "other" to be our way out instead of our own person, we only invite others into our selfish nightmare.
There is a way to effect change and it is just like what Gandhi said, by being the change we want to see in the world. And we must learn to do this change not for self but for the beloved of the self - the "you and I" - for the motions of this change, if it were truly intended for the good, is both shaped and directed by everliving love between the you and the I.
Knowing now what I understand in my heart of hearts, you can also now understand and appreciate with me why those times were "times of shame", my Miyang. And why keeping close to you, my love, you serve to guard my soul. I love you so much.
---<--@
It is through understanding that knowledge is learned but it is only through loving that understanding is begot. Knowing the way is not the same as getting there. So always lead with your mind but think with your heart.
---<--@
[... Our trainer at work is like a mama cat. Well, to my own "wave" at least, my darlingest, which is what all training classes are called over there at my job.
This mama cat impression is the impression that I get of her image in my soul. Its hard to explain but a mama cat image is a pretty darn good image to have. Even when she says please, its so irresistible because she's a mama cat.
Now, the world might understandably complain that it's not a sexy or a glamorous image but I am not referring to vanity here. These impressions that I speak of is sort of like a snapshot of a person's capacity to apply the self to what the heart have come to know and to love and as my own heart is convinced that this cat, our trainer, does love her own like her own that is what I perceived her as - a mama cat.
Our other trainer is different. She appears to me as a mentor cat and her kind of nurturing is the kind that molds the mold of knowledge that it may be correctly applied.
You see wisdom is never taught but is imparted in the moment from life to life.
Knowledge uses a bridge of words, numerals and concepts but wisdom can only be instantaneously understood in the moment. This is why good teachers teach us more by who they are than by what they teach.
All of these, my darling - the mama cat image, the mentor cat image - peculiar though these things are to my perspective in life with you, are nevertheless all universal aspects of that one and the same love that imparts life to all of our living - together. ...]
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Miyang,
Copenhagen and Biking
I just saw a report on the Big Boss Cat (the BBC) about the City of Copenhagen being the most bicycle friendly city in Europe. I feel so glad for Copenhagen and Sweden, too!
I personally have always like biking and I know of more than a few closest of friends as well as family who loves to bike. I know you yourself love to bike. And Margot, too. And you know, speaking of Sweden reminds me of that cute little line from the movie "Hey, Hey its Esther Blueburger, 'Swedish?'"
All of these are indeed good reasons to applaud Copenhagen and by extension Sweden, of course, for this fact. But we do have deeper and more profound reasons also to be advocates of the same with Copenhagen.
For when it comes to saving our environment - it takes much to reap much. When it comes to global warming, baby steps do not count, my love. Odd but true.
And so let me tell you this, my loveliest love, our fair Miyangersjia is 100% with Copenhagen on this - the planning and the designs of our roads and highways will and must incorporate not just motor traffic but biking, pedestrian (jogging) as well as efficient mass transportation lanes.
We are but one planet so none of us could truly ever claim to have one feet on the issue and the other one where exactly? For the good sake of our earth, we all must be in it to win it. And if we can not do it by nations, Miyang, we will do it by cities and believe together that if we build it, the day will come that we shall achieve it and the rest will follow.
This initiative must and will mesh with all the other green initiatives within our fair Miyangersjia like wind energy, proper public education, public ownership and responsible citizenry, waste recycling, our market triangle application that seeks to maintain an agrarian base and the principles of our City Charter itself all must come together in the individual citizen to help us together build a shelter of community that shall not only endure but prevail for our shared humanity till the Last Day.
Pornography
I remember a time when I kept my own secret stash of porn. I call those times those "times of shame". I also remember how the addiction fought against me when time came and the LORD asked me to destroy them all. It occurred to me that I bought it with my own money, it occurred to me that to be efficient I should keep them or at least give them to my friends but all of those avenues were evil and evil begot. Now, I never keep secret stashes of poison porn.
While there are times when I still do fall into temptation as regards to pornography, those times I have further succeeded in limiting only to when my will is weakened by drug abuse. And on the highway of my life, here on our eastward travels together on the Main Meow Meow, my dear beloved Purrrincess Meowrrrja Meowrrrj, drugs are due to take the next exit into the void of oblivion.
I said no to both poison porn and demon drugs at their very roots - irrevocably and absolutely. Of course, God had to break my stupid pride before all of that and this was the difficult part. For as I humbly accepted to the LORD that these things are a lie and that my God alone is the truth it was then that the LORD, our God, turned me over each new leaf and I have been shedding all of my old autumnal foliage ever since. And you know what the very best part of the story is, he gave me you and I was never, ever the same, my Miyang, for nowadays it seems, I am the ball, you are the bounce.
There were times when the external times of the day ruled my life and the clock of my addiction ran with the tides and the times of the earth and the moon. There was a time in my life when it was easier to flee into the arms of falseness and vanity when under the cover of the physical darkness of the night or when an alibi presented itself to my sin ever like the serpent presented itself to our first parents.
But it seems - bless the LORD - those times are waning in my life, my love. For nowadays, my darling, when it might seem to the untrained heart like night out here in the world, in the universe within my soul, it is always noontime because I am here, trying - striving - to be always to always present to where neither secret nor division can be kept from the glorious golden gaze of the one Daystar Sun of my life, Who is the One Almighty, our LORD God. Away from Here I have no belonging, my darlingest, because away from here is away from you and away from you, my love, is away from the all of you.
And that thinking I once shared with other suffering porn addicts, at least those single ones, that marriage to a purty cat can be a remedy to poison porn, that won't work either. For this line of thinking is nothing but another invitation into a whole new chapter of disillusionment and hurt but this time wreaked upon the lives of more than just one person, my darlingest dear, instead of just the one suffering addict.
The roots of porn is not corporeal, this poison is - like the darkness of our world of this present time - a spiritual malaise. And all things spiritual have their battles fought and won (and lost) in the heart of the person who our LORD calls individually by our name into battle against the evils within him or herself.
And so I do not see now how marriage to a purty cat can help any suffering addict if the very locus of our will to prevail against evil is not within ourselves. If we consider marriage or the "other" to be our way out instead of our own person, we only invite others into our selfish nightmare.
There is a way to effect change and it is just like what Gandhi said, by being the change we want to see in the world. And we must learn to do this change not for self but for the beloved of the self - the "you and I" - for the motions of this change, if it were truly intended for the good, is both shaped and directed by everliving love between the you and the I.
Knowing now what I understand in my heart of hearts, you can also now understand and appreciate with me why those times were "times of shame", my Miyang. And why keeping close to you, my love, you serve to guard my soul. I love you so much.
---<--@
It is through understanding that knowledge is learned but it is only through loving that understanding is begot. Knowing the way is not the same as getting there. So always lead with your mind but think with your heart.
---<--@
[... Our trainer at work is like a mama cat. Well, to my own "wave" at least, my darlingest, which is what all training classes are called over there at my job.
This mama cat impression is the impression that I get of her image in my soul. Its hard to explain but a mama cat image is a pretty darn good image to have. Even when she says please, its so irresistible because she's a mama cat.
Now, the world might understandably complain that it's not a sexy or a glamorous image but I am not referring to vanity here. These impressions that I speak of is sort of like a snapshot of a person's capacity to apply the self to what the heart have come to know and to love and as my own heart is convinced that this cat, our trainer, does love her own like her own that is what I perceived her as - a mama cat.
Our other trainer is different. She appears to me as a mentor cat and her kind of nurturing is the kind that molds the mold of knowledge that it may be correctly applied.
You see wisdom is never taught but is imparted in the moment from life to life.
Knowledge uses a bridge of words, numerals and concepts but wisdom can only be instantaneously understood in the moment. This is why good teachers teach us more by who they are than by what they teach.
All of these, my darling - the mama cat image, the mentor cat image - peculiar though these things are to my perspective in life with you, are nevertheless all universal aspects of that one and the same love that imparts life to all of our living - together. ...]
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Thursday, August 27, 2009
20090827
I collected these thoughts yesterday, my darlingest dear:
Dear darlingest Miyang,
Some Good News
I have some good news, my loveliest love. My mother texted me yesterday about her immigration petition for me. My mom and my step dad are US citizens, you see, and she said that she had recently learned from her sister, my aunt, in the US that her immigration petition for me has just recently been approved. Apparently, my aunt heard from our immigration lawyer in San Francisco about the approval.
Now I really don't want to get my hopes up too much just yet. I want to be really, really cautious about it all. But let me tell you, my darlingest dear, this could not have come at a better time. I really need to get away from the vestiges of my past life and through this seemingly unreal development, I feel that God is somehow telling me that if only I can cling on just a little bit more that our hopes together shall soon pan out, my Miyang, that amidst all the evil in the life of every Man there must also be a will of good that we all must believe in and rely upon. So, Bless the LORD, my loveliest love, for God alone is good.
I really would like to explore this avenue that seem to be opening up before us, my love, a little bit more closer but I should like to wait for a little more confirmation from my aunt or our lawyer.
All things in love remain in love, my love, and this is true with me which is why I must be careful because any unrequited love though seemingly heroic when viewed in retrospect hurts a lot when it is being lived in vitae and though this kind of self-abnegating hurt I feel is always a very good exercise in piety, one must always be careful to never exceed them to a point. Because taken to excess, its virtue becomes blind both ways, one from the dullness of lack that leads to complacency and the other from the darkness of pride that leads to hatred.
My chosen path is a way of love, my Annelies Marie, and you know that because I am in this way with you. It is a basic rule of life along this way to never allow the self to fall from either side of this path and avoid from becoming mired in either a state of complacency or of hatred most especially in the pious exercise of the spirituality of God and Country.
You can see this in the love that I personally bear for the Australian and American undertakings of Country as well as the Philippine one. Each of these precious motions of life and lineages of hope I hold in my heart as much as possible, with a love that - as freely and as humanly as I can express it - is without compare.
Therefore, any more or any less of this love more than what our LORD God alone may prescribe for me is futile and so I must never undertake to be any more or any less than what or who I am. Which is also why while I do allow for suffering in my life that I lovingly embrace, at the very same time, I do not wish to drink from the cup of suffering more than what I am given to drink.
I will not assume any more love than what I can give - either of persons or of nations. Not because I do not love us all but because I do, my loveliest love. And so when I am silent or am perceived to be silent about my love for anything it is not because I was or I am never there but because I seek to love all things like it is to ever always be there - to be from always to always.
These seemingly circuitous unbosoming, I know are often times difficult to understand, even for me, but what I do know is this: that I can instinctively trust these things because I never put them down without complete validation from my own heart of hearts.
And so while I should desire to plan for coming to America, I do not want to be so carried away by the motion that I forget to live in the present moment here in God with you and with all of our friends. And I do love my friends from work! This is sense of prudence and caution is one of those hard lessons I learned from my previous wanderings in Australia.
One thing is for sure, if our LORD God allows it, and I am permitted to return to the States, I will not waste a moment of my time over there, making sure with my life's width and breadth that the path that I am going to take this time with every choice that I make will be the one that leads to life, towards peace and friendship with our LORD and with all of you. I will build from there what I need so we can also build from here, my darlingest, and anywhere else this life may take us cats.
Yet above all I must make sure that where ever our LORD wills to apply my life that the necessary outcome of peace shall still remain one and the same outcome - one peace.
---<--@
Ninoy and Cory
If my nation wants to honor our late beloved Corazon Aquino - this is my personal opinion:
Let us remember Ninoy and Cory together on the same day of national commemoration and not separately because just the same as we should honor their virtue as individuals, we must also never forget their relationship with each other that gave them both the strength to carry us all through.
And then, let us put her beside her husband on the 500 note.
To me personally, our relationships with each other are more important than the individual parts.
It also hurts me a little when I see words of farewell to our heroes because I fear those words are somehow an excuse to forget. Personally speaking, I can never say good bye to the good because I see their achievements everywhere I go.
---<--@
Miyangersjian Monuments
When I think about this, I also think about the theme of the monuments worth building in our Miyangersjia - to ennoble the spirit of our community. One of the first ones among all of these would be a monument dedicated to the common people which is the monument of our one Filipino nation, titled "the eternal Philippines".
There will rarely be a depiction in Miyangerjia of a static single individual - our monuments will always depict the timeless motions of friendships, of belonging and of peace.
---<--@
Like and Love
When I was a little kuting, I said I love you to a girl I barely knew. And thought it was all the right thing to do. What an awkward moment that was! That moment drew for my awareness the line between the certainty of age and the recklessness of youth.
All love begins with a doubt like it is to like some things you never love and to love some things you never like. Love begins with a doubt, like a flower sleeping in the bud, it patiently awaits to know the beloved.
You are completely in love when you can stand away from your love and still say I am complete, completely in love.
---<--@
Lust
My dear co-worker one night - by all standards, a purty cat - a few days ago was sexually assaulted. The barangay watch in that area precluded what could have been a terrible thing not only to my friend but to all of her family and her family of friends, me included.
I do not even think of how I could bear with that were our LORD not kind enough to send a watchman to her assistance that night.
You see, my loveliest love, lust is a completely different reality away from love. And we shall look into this but not today. I do not yet want to go into that depressing place. Today, I just want to be here with my Annelies Marie, my Mrrrowley Polley, my Meowrrrja Meowrrrj, my Purrrincess Miyang.
Also, we're going to talk at greater length about addiction in general and drug addiction in particular some time in the future as well. Both lust and the wrong kinds of addictions are directly related, you see and we will try to trace them to their roots.
[... The thing with all evil things at first is it looks like something good (passive - it looks like the truth) and if it doesn't succeed in doing so, at some level, it tries to pass of as something good (active - it lies to the truth).
This always the MO of evil and so no matter how evolved its appearance may have become and no matter how slick its forked tongue may have grown, its primordial behavior like the night is to the day never changes nor does it possess the capacity to change.
Evil is a spirit just like sin is an act. Which is why we should never judge any human being without hope lest we despair of others nor should we judge our own selves without the same hope lest we ourselves commit the sin of despairing against the truth. ...]
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Miyang,
Some Good News
I have some good news, my loveliest love. My mother texted me yesterday about her immigration petition for me. My mom and my step dad are US citizens, you see, and she said that she had recently learned from her sister, my aunt, in the US that her immigration petition for me has just recently been approved. Apparently, my aunt heard from our immigration lawyer in San Francisco about the approval.
Now I really don't want to get my hopes up too much just yet. I want to be really, really cautious about it all. But let me tell you, my darlingest dear, this could not have come at a better time. I really need to get away from the vestiges of my past life and through this seemingly unreal development, I feel that God is somehow telling me that if only I can cling on just a little bit more that our hopes together shall soon pan out, my Miyang, that amidst all the evil in the life of every Man there must also be a will of good that we all must believe in and rely upon. So, Bless the LORD, my loveliest love, for God alone is good.
I really would like to explore this avenue that seem to be opening up before us, my love, a little bit more closer but I should like to wait for a little more confirmation from my aunt or our lawyer.
All things in love remain in love, my love, and this is true with me which is why I must be careful because any unrequited love though seemingly heroic when viewed in retrospect hurts a lot when it is being lived in vitae and though this kind of self-abnegating hurt I feel is always a very good exercise in piety, one must always be careful to never exceed them to a point. Because taken to excess, its virtue becomes blind both ways, one from the dullness of lack that leads to complacency and the other from the darkness of pride that leads to hatred.
My chosen path is a way of love, my Annelies Marie, and you know that because I am in this way with you. It is a basic rule of life along this way to never allow the self to fall from either side of this path and avoid from becoming mired in either a state of complacency or of hatred most especially in the pious exercise of the spirituality of God and Country.
You can see this in the love that I personally bear for the Australian and American undertakings of Country as well as the Philippine one. Each of these precious motions of life and lineages of hope I hold in my heart as much as possible, with a love that - as freely and as humanly as I can express it - is without compare.
Therefore, any more or any less of this love more than what our LORD God alone may prescribe for me is futile and so I must never undertake to be any more or any less than what or who I am. Which is also why while I do allow for suffering in my life that I lovingly embrace, at the very same time, I do not wish to drink from the cup of suffering more than what I am given to drink.
I will not assume any more love than what I can give - either of persons or of nations. Not because I do not love us all but because I do, my loveliest love. And so when I am silent or am perceived to be silent about my love for anything it is not because I was or I am never there but because I seek to love all things like it is to ever always be there - to be from always to always.
These seemingly circuitous unbosoming, I know are often times difficult to understand, even for me, but what I do know is this: that I can instinctively trust these things because I never put them down without complete validation from my own heart of hearts.
And so while I should desire to plan for coming to America, I do not want to be so carried away by the motion that I forget to live in the present moment here in God with you and with all of our friends. And I do love my friends from work! This is sense of prudence and caution is one of those hard lessons I learned from my previous wanderings in Australia.
One thing is for sure, if our LORD God allows it, and I am permitted to return to the States, I will not waste a moment of my time over there, making sure with my life's width and breadth that the path that I am going to take this time with every choice that I make will be the one that leads to life, towards peace and friendship with our LORD and with all of you. I will build from there what I need so we can also build from here, my darlingest, and anywhere else this life may take us cats.
Yet above all I must make sure that where ever our LORD wills to apply my life that the necessary outcome of peace shall still remain one and the same outcome - one peace.
---<--@
Ninoy and Cory
If my nation wants to honor our late beloved Corazon Aquino - this is my personal opinion:
Let us remember Ninoy and Cory together on the same day of national commemoration and not separately because just the same as we should honor their virtue as individuals, we must also never forget their relationship with each other that gave them both the strength to carry us all through.
And then, let us put her beside her husband on the 500 note.
To me personally, our relationships with each other are more important than the individual parts.
It also hurts me a little when I see words of farewell to our heroes because I fear those words are somehow an excuse to forget. Personally speaking, I can never say good bye to the good because I see their achievements everywhere I go.
---<--@
Miyangersjian Monuments
When I think about this, I also think about the theme of the monuments worth building in our Miyangersjia - to ennoble the spirit of our community. One of the first ones among all of these would be a monument dedicated to the common people which is the monument of our one Filipino nation, titled "the eternal Philippines".
There will rarely be a depiction in Miyangerjia of a static single individual - our monuments will always depict the timeless motions of friendships, of belonging and of peace.
---<--@
Like and Love
When I was a little kuting, I said I love you to a girl I barely knew. And thought it was all the right thing to do. What an awkward moment that was! That moment drew for my awareness the line between the certainty of age and the recklessness of youth.
All love begins with a doubt like it is to like some things you never love and to love some things you never like. Love begins with a doubt, like a flower sleeping in the bud, it patiently awaits to know the beloved.
You are completely in love when you can stand away from your love and still say I am complete, completely in love.
---<--@
Lust
My dear co-worker one night - by all standards, a purty cat - a few days ago was sexually assaulted. The barangay watch in that area precluded what could have been a terrible thing not only to my friend but to all of her family and her family of friends, me included.
I do not even think of how I could bear with that were our LORD not kind enough to send a watchman to her assistance that night.
You see, my loveliest love, lust is a completely different reality away from love. And we shall look into this but not today. I do not yet want to go into that depressing place. Today, I just want to be here with my Annelies Marie, my Mrrrowley Polley, my Meowrrrja Meowrrrj, my Purrrincess Miyang.
Also, we're going to talk at greater length about addiction in general and drug addiction in particular some time in the future as well. Both lust and the wrong kinds of addictions are directly related, you see and we will try to trace them to their roots.
[... The thing with all evil things at first is it looks like something good (passive - it looks like the truth) and if it doesn't succeed in doing so, at some level, it tries to pass of as something good (active - it lies to the truth).
This always the MO of evil and so no matter how evolved its appearance may have become and no matter how slick its forked tongue may have grown, its primordial behavior like the night is to the day never changes nor does it possess the capacity to change.
Evil is a spirit just like sin is an act. Which is why we should never judge any human being without hope lest we despair of others nor should we judge our own selves without the same hope lest we ourselves commit the sin of despairing against the truth. ...]
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
20090827
I collected these thoughts a couple of days ago, my loveliest love:
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
Hunger
Man was meant to be hungry (and/or thirsty), my darlingest. It seems so odd when I stop and think about it right now. But believe me when I say that far from turning a blind eye from the suffering of millions, what I am trying to say is good.
Man was meant to be hungry from within. For a food that only the LORD is able to provide. For if Man is able to shed even just a little of the hunger that makes him or her weak, then most certainly he or she shall be offered to eat from out of the hand of our God of those things that produce the kind of feeding that works to alleviate the suffering of many.
And so I like to be hungry this way, my loveliest love. Not because of me and only me, but because you and all of you.
[There are many kinds of hunger and indeed, this reality in Man has given rise to many myths much of them dark: vampires, ghouls and zombies, in my own Philippines, the aswang, but all these things are the stuff of human vanity (taken to their legendary extremes) and are therefore, not for cats, so to speak. For if in this world one is not in love with life, one is in love with vanity. And so, my darlingest dear, we must learn to tread these waters well the further down the eastward road we will go.]
For there are many kinds of hunger but only one true food that makes the hungry human heart glad. For me, my loveliest love, this is the food of friendships, the stuff of sharing and a taste of peace at last.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
Hunger
Man was meant to be hungry (and/or thirsty), my darlingest. It seems so odd when I stop and think about it right now. But believe me when I say that far from turning a blind eye from the suffering of millions, what I am trying to say is good.
Man was meant to be hungry from within. For a food that only the LORD is able to provide. For if Man is able to shed even just a little of the hunger that makes him or her weak, then most certainly he or she shall be offered to eat from out of the hand of our God of those things that produce the kind of feeding that works to alleviate the suffering of many.
And so I like to be hungry this way, my loveliest love. Not because of me and only me, but because you and all of you.
[There are many kinds of hunger and indeed, this reality in Man has given rise to many myths much of them dark: vampires, ghouls and zombies, in my own Philippines, the aswang, but all these things are the stuff of human vanity (taken to their legendary extremes) and are therefore, not for cats, so to speak. For if in this world one is not in love with life, one is in love with vanity. And so, my darlingest dear, we must learn to tread these waters well the further down the eastward road we will go.]
For there are many kinds of hunger but only one true food that makes the hungry human heart glad. For me, my loveliest love, this is the food of friendships, the stuff of sharing and a taste of peace at last.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
20090825
I collected these thoughts yesterday, my loveliest love:
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
VFA
Too, I have patriotic sentiments, my love. And while I do value my one Filipino nation very much, I also value along with our national remembrances, the national remembrances of our friends from other nations allied to our common cause of Country. What our soldiers gave up - and are still giving up - for the cause of the Republic peace - are things to me that shall never ever wane, timeless are their friendships, even in the darkness which I feel engulfs our present world like a spiritual malaise, our military remembrances above all should remind us of the high price of our freedom.
The Philippines is but one undertaking of Country, our one Filipino nation but one nation among many others who are but one family of nations allied to the one common cause of all undertakings of Country which is, despite the false image that this midnight of war, here upon our last wintering, would have us all think about ourselves, peace and the advancement of our shared humanity.
Therefore, it is impossible for me to ever think about the Philippines devoid of her relationships with other states and our nation devoid of her fraternity with other nations. We do not live in a void of war, we live in an absolute embrace of belongings upon belongings unto our one LORD.
Which is why at times, I often think about my other Filipino compatriots and their absolutist sentiments about our allies, we seem to either absolutely love them or hate them like it is to treat strangers. But isn't it that family members are always entitled to the benefit of the doubt and things within a family's home and hearth are resolved in a much different way than things upon a cold and bitter battlefield between two unfamiliar sides. Blood - human blood - once shed upon the ground of earth cries out forever not only to God but to the remembrances of our nations and until the Last Day, we are to keep these remembrances holy - lest we forget, lest we forget.
I know there are bad apples in the bunch and that, at all times and in every place, there are soldiers unfit to wear the uniform but let us not be inspired by their malice when we remember those by whose virtue we now live and breathe the free air of Country. We do not remember the fallen because of the evil of the adversary of peace, we remember them because of their glorious example and their golden virtue.
Besides, only our allies will pay heed to our Constitution - if we do not appreciate this, we are inviting our enemies to teach us how to value our friends.
Drug Debrief
I hate illicit drugs! They form a completely different sense of loyalty that makes different people out of familiar faces.
Enough said.
---<--@
Sleep Apnea
They say in a recent article that those people with sleep apnea are at 40% more at risk of death - period. Which kind of amuses me because in reality, all people are at risk of death - from 0.1 to 100%, in fact. But then the article carries on to say that it increases the risk of complications of certain illnesses and then I understood what it was trying to express.
I have sleep apnea, my loveliest love - severe obstructive sleep apnea. Which means I snore and I stop breathing in my sleep. My old doctor told me that this means that my brain needs more sleep than the average brain because though I may think I am asleep, when I stop breathing during my sleep, my brain wakes up and therefore, I do not really get the full benefit of sleep when compared to the average person. Which is why I am so addicted to energy drinks and were I an avid coffee drinker, I know I would be just as addicted to coffee.
Bring it all together + hypertension and I can see that this article is relevant to my condition. But its really a good thing that these days I can smile, my darlingest dear, even with my problems all around my ears, I am never without hope. Because I love my Miyang Marie and my Miyang Marie loves me.
10%, 20%, 40%, 80% - The LORD calls us when the LORD calls us
and when our God does, its always 100%. Instead of worrying of dying, I am more concerned with living a life of peace and friendship with our LORD, our LORD's own and my fellow human beings.
Besides, worrying and the associated stress that comes with overly worrying about things beyond our control changes nothing of the outcomes that we are always presently called to apply our talents to achieve. So I say, Alfred Neuman was right, "what me worry?"
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
VFA
Too, I have patriotic sentiments, my love. And while I do value my one Filipino nation very much, I also value along with our national remembrances, the national remembrances of our friends from other nations allied to our common cause of Country. What our soldiers gave up - and are still giving up - for the cause of the Republic peace - are things to me that shall never ever wane, timeless are their friendships, even in the darkness which I feel engulfs our present world like a spiritual malaise, our military remembrances above all should remind us of the high price of our freedom.
The Philippines is but one undertaking of Country, our one Filipino nation but one nation among many others who are but one family of nations allied to the one common cause of all undertakings of Country which is, despite the false image that this midnight of war, here upon our last wintering, would have us all think about ourselves, peace and the advancement of our shared humanity.
Therefore, it is impossible for me to ever think about the Philippines devoid of her relationships with other states and our nation devoid of her fraternity with other nations. We do not live in a void of war, we live in an absolute embrace of belongings upon belongings unto our one LORD.
Which is why at times, I often think about my other Filipino compatriots and their absolutist sentiments about our allies, we seem to either absolutely love them or hate them like it is to treat strangers. But isn't it that family members are always entitled to the benefit of the doubt and things within a family's home and hearth are resolved in a much different way than things upon a cold and bitter battlefield between two unfamiliar sides. Blood - human blood - once shed upon the ground of earth cries out forever not only to God but to the remembrances of our nations and until the Last Day, we are to keep these remembrances holy - lest we forget, lest we forget.
I know there are bad apples in the bunch and that, at all times and in every place, there are soldiers unfit to wear the uniform but let us not be inspired by their malice when we remember those by whose virtue we now live and breathe the free air of Country. We do not remember the fallen because of the evil of the adversary of peace, we remember them because of their glorious example and their golden virtue.
Besides, only our allies will pay heed to our Constitution - if we do not appreciate this, we are inviting our enemies to teach us how to value our friends.
Drug Debrief
I hate illicit drugs! They form a completely different sense of loyalty that makes different people out of familiar faces.
Enough said.
---<--@
Sleep Apnea
They say in a recent article that those people with sleep apnea are at 40% more at risk of death - period. Which kind of amuses me because in reality, all people are at risk of death - from 0.1 to 100%, in fact. But then the article carries on to say that it increases the risk of complications of certain illnesses and then I understood what it was trying to express.
I have sleep apnea, my loveliest love - severe obstructive sleep apnea. Which means I snore and I stop breathing in my sleep. My old doctor told me that this means that my brain needs more sleep than the average brain because though I may think I am asleep, when I stop breathing during my sleep, my brain wakes up and therefore, I do not really get the full benefit of sleep when compared to the average person. Which is why I am so addicted to energy drinks and were I an avid coffee drinker, I know I would be just as addicted to coffee.
Bring it all together + hypertension and I can see that this article is relevant to my condition. But its really a good thing that these days I can smile, my darlingest dear, even with my problems all around my ears, I am never without hope. Because I love my Miyang Marie and my Miyang Marie loves me.
10%, 20%, 40%, 80% - The LORD calls us when the LORD calls us
and when our God does, its always 100%. Instead of worrying of dying, I am more concerned with living a life of peace and friendship with our LORD, our LORD's own and my fellow human beings.
Besides, worrying and the associated stress that comes with overly worrying about things beyond our control changes nothing of the outcomes that we are always presently called to apply our talents to achieve. So I say, Alfred Neuman was right, "what me worry?"
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Monday, August 24, 2009
20090824d
To my Miyang -
I took a path for a promise made - Restore peace to our world - to the Middle East, to my own Filipino nation. But I was by the spirit of war deceived. It never intended to give me back my own peace. The voices in my head only intended to exploit my weakness and rob my own nation of our common heritage with the one family of the nations of Mankind. It never sought to recognize my humanity nor my hope, nor my love, nor those who love me - it placed me in an impossible position.
It sought to make of me a thing of division which is exactly what I am not. How can I ever build upon a lie?
If you want to know me - I am a human being and a citizen of my one Republic. I am not a number. Nor am I nameless to my friends. I have a name.
And the outcome that I am working to provide for my nation is peace.
I do not know if these voices are real or not, my darlingest dear. If they were real, they can only be one of two things - one that gathers with us in which case, they keep to their promises or one that scatters against us in which case, they are empty of promises.
I would give everything to see my people free and to keep to the remembrance of our heroes.
But how can something so hostile to my existence, completely wretched though I may be, ever be benign? Am I not one of those who are of the people? If it is capable of trampling my natural rights as a citizen and a human being, it is capable of doing the same to any human being. How can such a spirit restore peace to my nation or think about doing the same to the larger family of nations?
I do not know how long my life will last, my loveliest love, nor if these voices in my head will ever go away, but amidst all of this darkness and confusion, one thing always manages to lead me back to sanity, and that is my remembrance of you.
And so I want you to know these things, that you may know I never do anything from motives other than good things, that I am not a creature animated by hate.
And that, at the end of my life, I want to be buried with you in Bergen Belsen, my loveliest love.
I do not know what this life may bring but I will carry on as far as I freely and humanly could, the labors of our hopes together, my loveliest Miyang, all towards a better world for all men, women and children of the one family of the nations of Mankind.
---<--@
I took a path for a promise made - Restore peace to our world - to the Middle East, to my own Filipino nation. But I was by the spirit of war deceived. It never intended to give me back my own peace. The voices in my head only intended to exploit my weakness and rob my own nation of our common heritage with the one family of the nations of Mankind. It never sought to recognize my humanity nor my hope, nor my love, nor those who love me - it placed me in an impossible position.
It sought to make of me a thing of division which is exactly what I am not. How can I ever build upon a lie?
If you want to know me - I am a human being and a citizen of my one Republic. I am not a number. Nor am I nameless to my friends. I have a name.
And the outcome that I am working to provide for my nation is peace.
I do not know if these voices are real or not, my darlingest dear. If they were real, they can only be one of two things - one that gathers with us in which case, they keep to their promises or one that scatters against us in which case, they are empty of promises.
I would give everything to see my people free and to keep to the remembrance of our heroes.
But how can something so hostile to my existence, completely wretched though I may be, ever be benign? Am I not one of those who are of the people? If it is capable of trampling my natural rights as a citizen and a human being, it is capable of doing the same to any human being. How can such a spirit restore peace to my nation or think about doing the same to the larger family of nations?
I do not know how long my life will last, my loveliest love, nor if these voices in my head will ever go away, but amidst all of this darkness and confusion, one thing always manages to lead me back to sanity, and that is my remembrance of you.
And so I want you to know these things, that you may know I never do anything from motives other than good things, that I am not a creature animated by hate.
And that, at the end of my life, I want to be buried with you in Bergen Belsen, my loveliest love.
I do not know what this life may bring but I will carry on as far as I freely and humanly could, the labors of our hopes together, my loveliest Miyang, all towards a better world for all men, women and children of the one family of the nations of Mankind.
---<--@
20090824
Corruption
Let us ponder on these things...
Why are we, the children of Mankind, ordered into nations?
Things are different here in exile time.
Outside of faded Eden, a single human being can never hope to survive the hostile environment of an unknown earth.
But the divine commandment to build and transform this world into an inhabited earth is not without wisdom.
It would be unthinkable for our LORD to ever be lacking in glorious perfection!
For no Man can ever hope to fulfill this divine commandment on his or her own.
Because The labor of building up the earth is the labor of our nations.
We are nations to provide for each other - to be keeper and friend.
But the world of our present time is full of nations who are strangers to each other.
Who then shall suffer for this but our generations?
God calls us to strive as nations and to fulfill each of our own undertakings of Country.
For the motive of Country is a divine motive.
But if the motive of Country is not available. Man will think to preserve his or her family.
This is a human motive. Which is also good but when misplaced fragments the common good.
And when the common good is fragmented darkness fills the air of our breathing together with the emptiness of the void.
When this happens and the lineages of our hopes are broken, there will be division upon the earth.
Where there is division, there must also be war.
And the spirit of war shall oppress the lands and enslave her peoples. For the motive of war is neither human nor divine.
It is diabolical.
But we are not without help. Whatever assists the good of Man and helps to build the communities of Mankind, this motive is angelic.
All motives except that of the Devil and those aligned with the Devil helps toward fulfilling the motive of God which is the will of Divine Providence over all of creation, seen and unseen.
And all that is Providential inclines all things towards the good, the common or the greater good and the absolute good.
Corruption that is ignorant of the motive of Country is one that is able to be corrected by understanding.
But the other kind is permanent and must be dealt with by the justice of both heaven and earth.
For in terms of our nations we are not dealing with one or two lives, though one life alone is of infinite worth, we are dealing with many hundreds and thousands of lives across time (the generations) as well as dimensional space (tribes and families), severe is the final accounting for those who with their malice poisons the waters of our nations.
And all things in time, God-willing.
Let us ponder on these things...
---<--@
Let us ponder on these things...
Why are we, the children of Mankind, ordered into nations?
Things are different here in exile time.
Outside of faded Eden, a single human being can never hope to survive the hostile environment of an unknown earth.
But the divine commandment to build and transform this world into an inhabited earth is not without wisdom.
It would be unthinkable for our LORD to ever be lacking in glorious perfection!
For no Man can ever hope to fulfill this divine commandment on his or her own.
Because The labor of building up the earth is the labor of our nations.
We are nations to provide for each other - to be keeper and friend.
But the world of our present time is full of nations who are strangers to each other.
Who then shall suffer for this but our generations?
God calls us to strive as nations and to fulfill each of our own undertakings of Country.
For the motive of Country is a divine motive.
But if the motive of Country is not available. Man will think to preserve his or her family.
This is a human motive. Which is also good but when misplaced fragments the common good.
And when the common good is fragmented darkness fills the air of our breathing together with the emptiness of the void.
When this happens and the lineages of our hopes are broken, there will be division upon the earth.
Where there is division, there must also be war.
And the spirit of war shall oppress the lands and enslave her peoples. For the motive of war is neither human nor divine.
It is diabolical.
But we are not without help. Whatever assists the good of Man and helps to build the communities of Mankind, this motive is angelic.
All motives except that of the Devil and those aligned with the Devil helps toward fulfilling the motive of God which is the will of Divine Providence over all of creation, seen and unseen.
And all that is Providential inclines all things towards the good, the common or the greater good and the absolute good.
Corruption that is ignorant of the motive of Country is one that is able to be corrected by understanding.
But the other kind is permanent and must be dealt with by the justice of both heaven and earth.
For in terms of our nations we are not dealing with one or two lives, though one life alone is of infinite worth, we are dealing with many hundreds and thousands of lives across time (the generations) as well as dimensional space (tribes and families), severe is the final accounting for those who with their malice poisons the waters of our nations.
And all things in time, God-willing.
Let us ponder on these things...
---<--@
20090824b
I collected these thoughts last night, my loveliest love:
Dear darlingest Miyang Marie,
A Little Love Story
The measure of love is to love without measure.
I do not know where I happened upon this saying, my loveliest love, but isn't it so true?
When I was younger, I looked at love differently. I took it from itself. I made it mine and mine alone.
I wanted my girlfriend for myself and myself alone. And she wanted the same of me.
But love has a way of turning the tables on strangers like us.
In its own mysterious time, unknown to the uninitiated, to make itself known, love suddenly reveals itself.
With a sword, it pierces the heart. It draws blood to quicken the soul to itself.
Then with strong arms, it subdues the self until it makes us all its own.
And suddenly, the stranger is a stranger no more.
Unfortunately, my darlingest dear, that relationship did not survive the quickening of love.
For our hearts were not able to bear the doubt nor our egos able to withstand the hurt.
Neither of us were strong enough to bear for each other, our love; the failing of our youth.
I was hurt. She was hurt. Love was also hurt.
But it was the hurting that heals and it was the bearing that teaches. And so for many years I grieved. Not really knowing that love also wept with me.
I do not know how many years it took for love to bear me away from my grieving, my loveliest love. But when I was able to smile again, my darlingest Miyang, it was with you.
It is all that I can remember now.
All love begins with a doubt. When the heart asks itself, "do you love me?" It reassures by giving us every chance to prove ourselves.
If one loves the beloved without measure, there is a sense of wholeness that embraces both ways and the heart that knows it doubts it not.
There is a bittersweet pain to our loving, like a longing for love itself, and it is the experience of being in love.
For at the same time that loves takes us unto itself, it sets us free.
---<--@
The Me? How?
Remember, when things were yet so uncertain between us and we were held together by the littlest of trusts?
It was the Me? How? A time of trials. But the questions that we were asking at the time were not a confirmation of doubt.
It was the Me? How? It was a question that seeks to affirm our own willingness to find each other, even in the dark, under a blanket of stars.
It was the Me? How? All love begins with a doubt.
That was years ago.
---<--@
Love and Marriage
Which one comes first? How do we know when?
Both these questions seem simple enough. And sure enough, one is tempted to come up with quick answers like I was just now.
We might as well tell wine when to become wine.
Most certainly, these are very complicated questions. And it takes time to know what those answer are.
Sometimes wine is already wine and sometimes we have to make more wine. Things are in different states of being.
But some might ask how it is with you and I so I say yes, we are in love and no, we are not married.
You are neither my wife, my sister nor my friend - you are all of these, my Miyang Marie - in fact, you are more than all of these, my loveliest love. There are no human words to describe our relationship - it is the destiny of all true relationships to become this way - like the angels.
Marriage is for the earth. Its consummation is life. Love is for eternity. Its culmination is an everlasting joy.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Miyang Marie,
A Little Love Story
The measure of love is to love without measure.
I do not know where I happened upon this saying, my loveliest love, but isn't it so true?
When I was younger, I looked at love differently. I took it from itself. I made it mine and mine alone.
I wanted my girlfriend for myself and myself alone. And she wanted the same of me.
But love has a way of turning the tables on strangers like us.
In its own mysterious time, unknown to the uninitiated, to make itself known, love suddenly reveals itself.
With a sword, it pierces the heart. It draws blood to quicken the soul to itself.
Then with strong arms, it subdues the self until it makes us all its own.
And suddenly, the stranger is a stranger no more.
Unfortunately, my darlingest dear, that relationship did not survive the quickening of love.
For our hearts were not able to bear the doubt nor our egos able to withstand the hurt.
Neither of us were strong enough to bear for each other, our love; the failing of our youth.
I was hurt. She was hurt. Love was also hurt.
But it was the hurting that heals and it was the bearing that teaches. And so for many years I grieved. Not really knowing that love also wept with me.
I do not know how many years it took for love to bear me away from my grieving, my loveliest love. But when I was able to smile again, my darlingest Miyang, it was with you.
It is all that I can remember now.
All love begins with a doubt. When the heart asks itself, "do you love me?" It reassures by giving us every chance to prove ourselves.
If one loves the beloved without measure, there is a sense of wholeness that embraces both ways and the heart that knows it doubts it not.
There is a bittersweet pain to our loving, like a longing for love itself, and it is the experience of being in love.
For at the same time that loves takes us unto itself, it sets us free.
---<--@
The Me? How?
Remember, when things were yet so uncertain between us and we were held together by the littlest of trusts?
It was the Me? How? A time of trials. But the questions that we were asking at the time were not a confirmation of doubt.
It was the Me? How? It was a question that seeks to affirm our own willingness to find each other, even in the dark, under a blanket of stars.
It was the Me? How? All love begins with a doubt.
That was years ago.
---<--@
Love and Marriage
Which one comes first? How do we know when?
Both these questions seem simple enough. And sure enough, one is tempted to come up with quick answers like I was just now.
We might as well tell wine when to become wine.
Most certainly, these are very complicated questions. And it takes time to know what those answer are.
Sometimes wine is already wine and sometimes we have to make more wine. Things are in different states of being.
But some might ask how it is with you and I so I say yes, we are in love and no, we are not married.
You are neither my wife, my sister nor my friend - you are all of these, my Miyang Marie - in fact, you are more than all of these, my loveliest love. There are no human words to describe our relationship - it is the destiny of all true relationships to become this way - like the angels.
Marriage is for the earth. Its consummation is life. Love is for eternity. Its culmination is an everlasting joy.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
20090824a
These thoughts I collected yesterday, my darlingest:
Dear darlingest Miyang,
Confusion
I am so confused right now, my love. Not about our one family of nations and the outcomes that are required of them - those things are always high up on the horizon. I know well how to defend the peace of our nations and I use this knowledge to steer my life.
Right now, my darlingest, it is my own personal peace that is being assaulted.
My uncle has schizophrenia, you know. I too, have a history of this illness, my loveliest love. But the difference with me is that I can still make the distinction between what is not and what is but sometimes, when these voices become too vicious or too convincing, I come to doubt this ability. But it is then that I turn to my spiritual grounding.
These voices seem to know to attack me where and when I am most vulnerable seeking not to undermine my convictions of God and Country but to destroy my relationships so as to be able to isolate and to break me. It seeks to turn me against those I have come to love and sometimes, it drives me to the point where I fear for my own life as well as the life of my own family and friends. Oftentimes, I only have the solace of my spiritual relationships to give shelter to my sanity. No one in this world seem willing to either listen or understand me about these things, my darlingest, which is why I really do appreciate you so much. But even my own friendship with you is not immune to these voices that seem to hate me and all that I am at a level that is incomprehensible to me. And I try to avoid even writing the exact words that these voices use against me - and you - because I do not want to remember them at all.
I know drug use have greatly contributed to this illness and I admit to that fact which is why I worry when these voices occur outside the haze of methamphetamine abuse. It is part of my past life which at the outset of my awareness of the truth of things, late as it was, I have unceasingly strived to remove from my present life.
Notwithstanding all of these, I continue on with my life and trust all in all to the LORD that even these afflictions are meant to fulfill a purpose in His plan.
I do not know much right now, my loveliest love, but to focus on my work and my recovery. And to hold on to my friendships trusting that even though at times when the sky is so full of rain just like it is right now and I can not see the stars up ahead and above of me, that even though unseen, they are yet still ever there. I only have to endure, my darlingest, with you.
But I also can't help but be engaged in the problems that plague those things I care most about - like the peace of our one family of nations, particularly of my own Filipino nation - and so I do what I can because once one is privy to love, that truth in the heart can never be undone. And even this, those voices have learned to exploit which is the main issue at the root of my confusion at the moment.
Are they real, are they not - what is real to me is only what I love in the LORD and what loves me for being me.
You know, I don't even know if I shall publish this on our Planet Annelies, my loveliest love. Sometimes, I am made to trust in the love itself and so this is what I will do right now, my darlingest, I shall trust.
Simply put, my Miyang, what is clear to me now is only this - that my personal focus right now should be on my work and my recovery.
If anything, my loveliest love, at the very least, I feel that I am now more equipped to once and for all to deal with my addiction to what is past and leave behind the last thing that is holding me back from our present hope that I may one day be able to say with you with much rejoicing in our hearts to the heavens and the earth that I am finally totally free from this infernal bondage of the vice of drug abuse along with all of its associated and perverse evils.
I am beginning to burn with a fire of pure loathing for illicit drugs but not its victims. And so I one day pray to be able to use this hope of mine to effectively help those many, many others who I know are still suffering from this same sin.
All things in time, God-willing, my love.
---<--@
Now, for the lighter side of things...
Appreciation
Though one is initially attracted to a person from a purely external reality, when in time one learns to appreciate the beautiful, it is usually our love that wonders and we begin to feel that mysterious yearning from within.
And as we become more and more conscious of our seeking to glimpse at the heart of a person, we become more and more aware of the presence of the beloved...
So when in time one has learned to appreciate beauty, one does not think to look at any physical attribute which is why anything that is sexual only serves to ruin the moment.
Yup! T'is deep stuff, my darlingest, but true.
Save for you, my loveliest love, this is how I universally appreciate pretty cats. For I wasn't really aware of your true beauty, my Miyang, when I was initially introduced to you through your diary. It was a real schlep, I know.
It is just awful how so many hearts are broken unto tears by a seemingly prevailing ignorance of itself. Yet amidst sin, grace does abound, my darlingest, and I say this from my own experience - with all them purty cats - single cats, that is: We all know that 1 + 1 = 1.
---<--@
The Call Center Industry
I think I have a good enough cross section of this industry for me to be able write something meaningful about it, my darlingest dear.
I think the call center industry here in the Philippines is a good opportunity to open our culture to the other cultures of our world.
I had to go to Australia for me to find out there are human beings in this world other than Filipinos, you know. I got shell shock for a month just by listening to too much Aussie slang.
But these days, things are slowly opening up for our beloved Philippines. And the Call Center Industry, with all its pros and cons, is at the forefront of this change. And I am quite thankful for the opportunity. And I am sure many others are just as blessed by this as I am.
So welcome to the call center industry, my loveliest love, where the job satisfaction is not all about the money.
One must also look at the company culture, the career path, the friendships, the perks and the sheer satisfaction at the end of the day of a job well done. Because if it were all about the money, you'll be sure to burn up. Because if you don't care for the industry it will drink all your beer and you'll age at twice the normal rate.
It is a service industry, my darlingest. The bottom line is this: It is not about the money - it is about helping people help you help yourself.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Miyang,
Confusion
I am so confused right now, my love. Not about our one family of nations and the outcomes that are required of them - those things are always high up on the horizon. I know well how to defend the peace of our nations and I use this knowledge to steer my life.
Right now, my darlingest, it is my own personal peace that is being assaulted.
My uncle has schizophrenia, you know. I too, have a history of this illness, my loveliest love. But the difference with me is that I can still make the distinction between what is not and what is but sometimes, when these voices become too vicious or too convincing, I come to doubt this ability. But it is then that I turn to my spiritual grounding.
These voices seem to know to attack me where and when I am most vulnerable seeking not to undermine my convictions of God and Country but to destroy my relationships so as to be able to isolate and to break me. It seeks to turn me against those I have come to love and sometimes, it drives me to the point where I fear for my own life as well as the life of my own family and friends. Oftentimes, I only have the solace of my spiritual relationships to give shelter to my sanity. No one in this world seem willing to either listen or understand me about these things, my darlingest, which is why I really do appreciate you so much. But even my own friendship with you is not immune to these voices that seem to hate me and all that I am at a level that is incomprehensible to me. And I try to avoid even writing the exact words that these voices use against me - and you - because I do not want to remember them at all.
I know drug use have greatly contributed to this illness and I admit to that fact which is why I worry when these voices occur outside the haze of methamphetamine abuse. It is part of my past life which at the outset of my awareness of the truth of things, late as it was, I have unceasingly strived to remove from my present life.
Notwithstanding all of these, I continue on with my life and trust all in all to the LORD that even these afflictions are meant to fulfill a purpose in His plan.
I do not know much right now, my loveliest love, but to focus on my work and my recovery. And to hold on to my friendships trusting that even though at times when the sky is so full of rain just like it is right now and I can not see the stars up ahead and above of me, that even though unseen, they are yet still ever there. I only have to endure, my darlingest, with you.
But I also can't help but be engaged in the problems that plague those things I care most about - like the peace of our one family of nations, particularly of my own Filipino nation - and so I do what I can because once one is privy to love, that truth in the heart can never be undone. And even this, those voices have learned to exploit which is the main issue at the root of my confusion at the moment.
Are they real, are they not - what is real to me is only what I love in the LORD and what loves me for being me.
You know, I don't even know if I shall publish this on our Planet Annelies, my loveliest love. Sometimes, I am made to trust in the love itself and so this is what I will do right now, my darlingest, I shall trust.
Simply put, my Miyang, what is clear to me now is only this - that my personal focus right now should be on my work and my recovery.
If anything, my loveliest love, at the very least, I feel that I am now more equipped to once and for all to deal with my addiction to what is past and leave behind the last thing that is holding me back from our present hope that I may one day be able to say with you with much rejoicing in our hearts to the heavens and the earth that I am finally totally free from this infernal bondage of the vice of drug abuse along with all of its associated and perverse evils.
I am beginning to burn with a fire of pure loathing for illicit drugs but not its victims. And so I one day pray to be able to use this hope of mine to effectively help those many, many others who I know are still suffering from this same sin.
All things in time, God-willing, my love.
---<--@
Now, for the lighter side of things...
Appreciation
Though one is initially attracted to a person from a purely external reality, when in time one learns to appreciate the beautiful, it is usually our love that wonders and we begin to feel that mysterious yearning from within.
And as we become more and more conscious of our seeking to glimpse at the heart of a person, we become more and more aware of the presence of the beloved...
So when in time one has learned to appreciate beauty, one does not think to look at any physical attribute which is why anything that is sexual only serves to ruin the moment.
Yup! T'is deep stuff, my darlingest, but true.
Save for you, my loveliest love, this is how I universally appreciate pretty cats. For I wasn't really aware of your true beauty, my Miyang, when I was initially introduced to you through your diary. It was a real schlep, I know.
It is just awful how so many hearts are broken unto tears by a seemingly prevailing ignorance of itself. Yet amidst sin, grace does abound, my darlingest, and I say this from my own experience - with all them purty cats - single cats, that is: We all know that 1 + 1 = 1.
---<--@
The Call Center Industry
I think I have a good enough cross section of this industry for me to be able write something meaningful about it, my darlingest dear.
I think the call center industry here in the Philippines is a good opportunity to open our culture to the other cultures of our world.
I had to go to Australia for me to find out there are human beings in this world other than Filipinos, you know. I got shell shock for a month just by listening to too much Aussie slang.
But these days, things are slowly opening up for our beloved Philippines. And the Call Center Industry, with all its pros and cons, is at the forefront of this change. And I am quite thankful for the opportunity. And I am sure many others are just as blessed by this as I am.
So welcome to the call center industry, my loveliest love, where the job satisfaction is not all about the money.
One must also look at the company culture, the career path, the friendships, the perks and the sheer satisfaction at the end of the day of a job well done. Because if it were all about the money, you'll be sure to burn up. Because if you don't care for the industry it will drink all your beer and you'll age at twice the normal rate.
It is a service industry, my darlingest. The bottom line is this: It is not about the money - it is about helping people help you help yourself.
---<--@
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Sunday, August 23, 2009
20090823b
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
An update, my loveliest love, that I should like to share with my one Filipino nation:
The Visayas
The main challenge here is the terrain. As with all national challenges, when we as one nation apply ourselves to these, they have the inherent capacity to become strengths.
It is not lost to me that the Visayas constitute another star upon our old Defiant and therefore, an integral part of our one Republic whole. And so I am currently undertaking a study of her history and demographics.
Just the same as in the Sarangani Bay* area in Mindanao, her SSC (Strategic Secondary Capital) with Manila, I am in favor of placing in Cariaga Bay in the Catbalogan area and with the same requirements in terms of sea level, sea access and natural defensibility.
I am also taking into consideration by this placement of our Visayan SSC, the effective allevaition of the prevailing poverty in that area, the highest in all of the Visayas.
*I was initially looking at the bays along the northern coast but the only strategically defensible bay in the whole of Mindanao is Sarangani Bay. Too, both the sea and land routes into Sargangani also pass along those areas in Mindanao that require increased traffic in terms of economic goods as well as, upon the breaking of the siege of war, tourism.
I should that we all bear in mind that these SSCs are to be built to last till the Last Day which is why defensibility (both from man-made as well as natural disasters) is also paramount in our consideration of these things. I am already about 80% complete with the basic City Charters for these SSCs.
I am of the conviction that we all need to work on these and I will present these concepts on our blog as soon as it is advisable. I would also appreciate any help that may be extended towards this end.
---<--@
The Barangay Park
At the limits of every barangay within our SSCs, we shall be mindful not to place anything that is incomprehensible to the soul of the common people.
Therefore, where two of our communities meet, there would not be a line upon the sand or an invisible limit that shall mark the demarcation but a beautiful space specifically intended for human interaction, rest and recreation.
I conceive this as a barangay park of which maintenance is also the mutual responsibility of both (or any) barangays that border these natural spaces within our city limits. The city itself shall have its own park, of course.
The barangay park, library and post office extension are all conceived as basic venues of a larger community interaction that will contribute to a greater sense of participation and therefore a sense of common citizenry within our city.
---<--@
Symptoms of Division
If we look closely, we can see the symptoms of the division of war right inside our own nation. It is these divisions, more than who we shall vote for next year that keeps me awake at night.
The alleged "oversight" that precipitated in the pulling out of former President Aquino's security cover is one of these symptoms. Whether intentional or non-intentional, the fact that it happened is in itself evidence of this.
First of all, during that time, my loveliest love, we only had three living former Presidents - FVR, Tita Cory and Erap. Its not like we had a million people to protect - only three.
If the enemies of our Republic had the foresight to exploit that immense security gap, it is not just any side within our one Republic that would suffer the impact of this, the whole nation itself will suffer the blow.
A sentry will never leave his or her post until relieved. This is standard military procedure. It is normally considered desertion of duty for a sentry to do so and desertion also usually carries the severest of penalties.
How this happened both frustrates and confuses me. It is just as well that nothing untoward happened to the person we left unprotected because if something did, our own remembrance of these things would not be what we are granted as a nation to enjoy today.
Division is darkness and it blinds us to the keeping of the common or greater good. And though all of our Philippines is mired in its gravity, with all our regions requiring adequate consideration, the epicenter of this, I feel, is in Mindanao.
If peace should be observed in Mindanao, it carries that the whole of our Republic shall also be able to do the same. And all Filipinos shall be enabled to prosper together from our honest labors.
I feel it is good that we understand these things now being thankful that worst things did not happen to haunt our nation forever.
---<--@
On to other things...
Jupiter 2009
There was another impact event in Jupiter about a month ago. 15 years after Shoemaker-Levy, the probability of this event occurring within that astronomically minute span of time would have been a meaningless statistic but for that looming sense that I feel about 2012 (which I have not posted until now and only because it has become relevant to this discourse).
But again, nothing about the future is writ in stone so regardless of these things, we must all together continue to aspire to reach for the future we intend to reach at the now of this present time being all the more inspired to build from our hopes, the beginnings of a better world into the new age before us.
If nothing at all happens in 2012, all the better for all of us of the one family of the nations of Mankind for building on the foundations of our peace now, because by then, we'll all be ahead.
In this world of ours, hurtling upon the void of exile time, those things beyond our control that don't happen are usually the best things for us to be thankful about, my loveliest love.
Unfortunately, these are also the things that we as human beings are wont to forget or dismiss as pure luck. But there is no such thing as luck, for it is not luck but remembrance that truly rules our reality.
---<--@
I love you, my loveliest love.
Always to always,
Pusing
20090823a
I collected these thoughts yesterday afternoon, my darlingest:
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
Motive of Country
What is my motive, some might wonder, behind my desire to see my own nation prosper? As if this were something unnatural to the common call of human citizenship - it is my love for our shared humanity - that drives me to desire to see things change in my nation and by extension, in our failing world, for the better, my darlingest.
Every calling that beckons Man towards the labors to which his or her life was intended by his or her one common Creator upon this earth, that animates the breathing within his or her soul, drives into motion the spirit within his or her being so that our humanity is constantly in a state of becoming. For while time is a flow, Man is an unfinished work.
We call ourselves by so many different words to describe this motion e.g. Filipino, American, Australian, Christian, Iraqi, Farmer, Artist, Teacher, etc. but it is not these motions that keep us apart, it is our inability to understand that these motions are means that are inclined towards the same end which is the perfection of our humanity.
Now, this perfection is the labor of our Creator and the mandate of heaven so must not trouble us so much as the acceptance of our own humanity.
But what I am trying to say here is this, that far from these labors driving us further apart, these labors are the things that should bind us together. What I personally have come to believe is this: That we are all, at every instant, despite these many human labors and in spite of our disparate human weaknesses, a human being - each and every one of us - equal in dignity as well as in our potential to do good.
This is how I see my fellow man - apart from any malice which seek to debase our spirit and distinct form the treacherous adultery of war - I seek to see us first and foremost for who we truly are - human beings and citizens to each other. So in distinguishing what we are and who we are apart from what we are not and who we must not become, I have come to love my own nation not as a thing to be held against its own will by my feeble hands but as a labor of life to be surrendered unto by a willing heart. Because if we see us as souls apart from this midnight darkness, we are indeed, something to be seen - like living lights, we are, in the darkness made to reflect the One light upon this visible creation that all creation may know that God is and that our LORD is one LORD alone.
The vision of that crystal blue sphere fascinates me just as much as that same vision of a darkness that is inseparable from the void terrifies me because it affects all of us and I know that without my friends I am nothing. It takes a whole sky to lead us back to the dawn, one whole firmament.
Our LORD wills that all of us be saved and so, in spite of my own limits and failures, I am also likewise filled with this same desire for who am I to contend with my God for it is He Who we all must follow. These two questions one must always be ready to answer at the east gate of our returning to Eden: Who are we without our LORD? Who are we without each other?
For I am not someone to follow, I am someone to work with and I am always glad to work alongside my friends.
And if I were to advise anyone as regards to our nations, it is this: Our world may seem to our minds divided not because it is but because the labors of building up the inhabited earth must be ordered according to our nations and therefore, the natural resources of the earth itself is not meant to be divided against our nations but must be a thing freely shared by the labors of all of our one family of nations. We may draw lines upon the earth but not upon our hearts for love can never be divided against itself.
Questions as regards to sovereignty of our nations, in my own view of these things, are never questions that have as their answers, those things derived from the division of war but from our belongings with each other as interdependent human communities - as wholes upon wholes - in God and Country, for God and Country. It is in the people, for the people, by the people. Therefore, time, treasure and terrain can be said to be negotiable things but life itself is non-negotiable, above all human life.
For my own nation, I enjoin us - however and whatever our own little parts in this great labor of life and of hope - return to our labors together that we may prosper the peace, prosper the people.
Slowly, ever as those trees grow, if we shall learn again to believe in each other in God, applying ourselves to the task of Country, then it is only just as true to say that we shall certainly bear the fruits of our togetherness. And it is said that these fruits last forever.
I love you, my loveliest love.
Always to always,
Pusing
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
Motive of Country
What is my motive, some might wonder, behind my desire to see my own nation prosper? As if this were something unnatural to the common call of human citizenship - it is my love for our shared humanity - that drives me to desire to see things change in my nation and by extension, in our failing world, for the better, my darlingest.
Every calling that beckons Man towards the labors to which his or her life was intended by his or her one common Creator upon this earth, that animates the breathing within his or her soul, drives into motion the spirit within his or her being so that our humanity is constantly in a state of becoming. For while time is a flow, Man is an unfinished work.
We call ourselves by so many different words to describe this motion e.g. Filipino, American, Australian, Christian, Iraqi, Farmer, Artist, Teacher, etc. but it is not these motions that keep us apart, it is our inability to understand that these motions are means that are inclined towards the same end which is the perfection of our humanity.
Now, this perfection is the labor of our Creator and the mandate of heaven so must not trouble us so much as the acceptance of our own humanity.
But what I am trying to say here is this, that far from these labors driving us further apart, these labors are the things that should bind us together. What I personally have come to believe is this: That we are all, at every instant, despite these many human labors and in spite of our disparate human weaknesses, a human being - each and every one of us - equal in dignity as well as in our potential to do good.
This is how I see my fellow man - apart from any malice which seek to debase our spirit and distinct form the treacherous adultery of war - I seek to see us first and foremost for who we truly are - human beings and citizens to each other. So in distinguishing what we are and who we are apart from what we are not and who we must not become, I have come to love my own nation not as a thing to be held against its own will by my feeble hands but as a labor of life to be surrendered unto by a willing heart. Because if we see us as souls apart from this midnight darkness, we are indeed, something to be seen - like living lights, we are, in the darkness made to reflect the One light upon this visible creation that all creation may know that God is and that our LORD is one LORD alone.
The vision of that crystal blue sphere fascinates me just as much as that same vision of a darkness that is inseparable from the void terrifies me because it affects all of us and I know that without my friends I am nothing. It takes a whole sky to lead us back to the dawn, one whole firmament.
Our LORD wills that all of us be saved and so, in spite of my own limits and failures, I am also likewise filled with this same desire for who am I to contend with my God for it is He Who we all must follow. These two questions one must always be ready to answer at the east gate of our returning to Eden: Who are we without our LORD? Who are we without each other?
For I am not someone to follow, I am someone to work with and I am always glad to work alongside my friends.
And if I were to advise anyone as regards to our nations, it is this: Our world may seem to our minds divided not because it is but because the labors of building up the inhabited earth must be ordered according to our nations and therefore, the natural resources of the earth itself is not meant to be divided against our nations but must be a thing freely shared by the labors of all of our one family of nations. We may draw lines upon the earth but not upon our hearts for love can never be divided against itself.
Questions as regards to sovereignty of our nations, in my own view of these things, are never questions that have as their answers, those things derived from the division of war but from our belongings with each other as interdependent human communities - as wholes upon wholes - in God and Country, for God and Country. It is in the people, for the people, by the people. Therefore, time, treasure and terrain can be said to be negotiable things but life itself is non-negotiable, above all human life.
For my own nation, I enjoin us - however and whatever our own little parts in this great labor of life and of hope - return to our labors together that we may prosper the peace, prosper the people.
Slowly, ever as those trees grow, if we shall learn again to believe in each other in God, applying ourselves to the task of Country, then it is only just as true to say that we shall certainly bear the fruits of our togetherness. And it is said that these fruits last forever.
I love you, my loveliest love.
Always to always,
Pusing
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