20090904a

Sorry, my darlingest, things are just really difficult here where I am right now, but I am still writing about the things we are most concerned about - including the progress of my own life. I just need to review some of those entries as well as put down some new ideas. There thoughts I collected 20090827:

Dear darlingest Miyang,

Copenhagen and Biking

I just saw a report on the Big Boss Cat (the BBC) about the City of Copenhagen being the most bicycle friendly city in Europe. I feel so glad for Copenhagen and Sweden, too!

I personally have always like biking and I know of more than a few closest of friends as well as family who loves to bike. I know you yourself love to bike. And Margot, too. And you know, speaking of Sweden reminds me of that cute little line from the movie "Hey, Hey its Esther Blueburger, 'Swedish?'"

All of these are indeed good reasons to applaud Copenhagen and by extension Sweden, of course, for this fact. But we do have deeper and more profound reasons also to be advocates of the same with Copenhagen.

For when it comes to saving our environment - it takes much to reap much. When it comes to global warming, baby steps do not count, my love. Odd but true.

And so let me tell you this, my loveliest love, our fair Miyangersjia is 100% with Copenhagen on this - the planning and the designs of our roads and highways will and must incorporate not just motor traffic but biking, pedestrian (jogging) as well as efficient mass transportation lanes.

We are but one planet so none of us could truly ever claim to have one feet on the issue and the other one where exactly? For the good sake of our earth, we all must be in it to win it. And if we can not do it by nations, Miyang, we will do it by cities and believe together that if we build it, the day will come that we shall achieve it and the rest will follow.

This initiative must and will mesh with all the other green initiatives within our fair Miyangersjia like wind energy, proper public education, public ownership and responsible citizenry, waste recycling, our market triangle application that seeks to maintain an agrarian base and the principles of our City Charter itself all must come together in the individual citizen to help us together build a shelter of community that shall not only endure but prevail for our shared humanity till the Last Day.

Pornography

I remember a time when I kept my own secret stash of porn. I call those times those "times of shame". I also remember how the addiction fought against me when time came and the LORD asked me to destroy them all. It occurred to me that I bought it with my own money, it occurred to me that to be efficient I should keep them or at least give them to my friends but all of those avenues were evil and evil begot. Now, I never keep secret stashes of poison porn.

While there are times when I still do fall into temptation as regards to pornography, those times I have further succeeded in limiting only to when my will is weakened by drug abuse. And on the highway of my life, here on our eastward travels together on the Main Meow Meow, my dear beloved Purrrincess Meowrrrja Meowrrrj, drugs are due to take the next exit into the void of oblivion.

I said no to both poison porn and demon drugs at their very roots - irrevocably and absolutely. Of course, God had to break my stupid pride before all of that and this was the difficult part. For as I humbly accepted to the LORD that these things are a lie and that my God alone is the truth it was then that the LORD, our God, turned me over each new leaf and I have been shedding all of my old autumnal foliage ever since. And you know what the very best part of the story is, he gave me you and I was never, ever the same, my Miyang, for nowadays it seems, I am the ball, you are the bounce.

There were times when the external times of the day ruled my life and the clock of my addiction ran with the tides and the times of the earth and the moon. There was a time in my life when it was easier to flee into the arms of falseness and vanity when under the cover of the physical darkness of the night or when an alibi presented itself to my sin ever like the serpent presented itself to our first parents.

But it seems - bless the LORD - those times are waning in my life, my love. For nowadays, my darling, when it might seem to the untrained heart like night out here in the world, in the universe within my soul, it is always noontime because I am here, trying - striving - to be always to always present to where neither secret nor division can be kept from the glorious golden gaze of the one Daystar Sun of my life, Who is the One Almighty, our LORD God. Away from Here I have no belonging, my darlingest, because away from here is away from you and away from you, my love, is away from the all of you.

And that thinking I once shared with other suffering porn addicts, at least those single ones, that marriage to a purty cat can be a remedy to poison porn, that won't work either. For this line of thinking is nothing but another invitation into a whole new chapter of disillusionment and hurt but this time wreaked upon the lives of more than just one person, my darlingest dear, instead of just the one suffering addict.

The roots of porn is not corporeal, this poison is - like the darkness of our world of this present time - a spiritual malaise. And all things spiritual have their battles fought and won (and lost) in the heart of the person who our LORD calls individually by our name into battle against the evils within him or herself.

And so I do not see now how marriage to a purty cat can help any suffering addict if the very locus of our will to prevail against evil is not within ourselves. If we consider marriage or the "other" to be our way out instead of our own person, we only invite others into our selfish nightmare.

There is a way to effect change and it is just like what Gandhi said, by being the change we want to see in the world. And we must learn to do this change not for self but for the beloved of the self - the "you and I" - for the motions of this change, if it were truly intended for the good, is both shaped and directed by everliving love between the you and the I.

Knowing now what I understand in my heart of hearts, you can also now understand and appreciate with me why those times were "times of shame", my Miyang. And why keeping close to you, my love, you serve to guard my soul. I love you so much.
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It is through understanding that knowledge is learned but it is only through loving that understanding is begot. Knowing the way is not the same as getting there. So always lead with your mind but think with your heart.
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[... Our trainer at work is like a mama cat. Well, to my own "wave" at least, my darlingest, which is what all training classes are called over there at my job.

This mama cat impression is the impression that I get of her image in my soul. Its hard to explain but a mama cat image is a pretty darn good image to have. Even when she says please, its so irresistible because she's a mama cat.

Now, the world might understandably complain that it's not a sexy or a glamorous image but I am not referring to vanity here. These impressions that I speak of is sort of like a snapshot of a person's capacity to apply the self to what the heart have come to know and to love and as my own heart is convinced that this cat, our trainer, does love her own like her own that is what I perceived her as - a mama cat.

Our other trainer is different. She appears to me as a mentor cat and her kind of nurturing is the kind that molds the mold of knowledge that it may be correctly applied.

You see wisdom is never taught but is imparted in the moment from life to life.

Knowledge uses a bridge of words, numerals and concepts but wisdom can only be instantaneously understood in the moment. This is why good teachers teach us more by who they are than by what they teach.

All of these, my darling - the mama cat image, the mentor cat image - peculiar though these things are to my perspective in life with you, are nevertheless all universal aspects of that one and the same love that imparts life to all of our living - together. ...]
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I love you.

Always to always,

Pusing