20090827

I collected these thoughts yesterday, my darlingest dear:

Dear darlingest Miyang,

Some Good News

I have some good news, my loveliest love. My mother texted me yesterday about her immigration petition for me. My mom and my step dad are US citizens, you see, and she said that she had recently learned from her sister, my aunt, in the US that her immigration petition for me has just recently been approved. Apparently, my aunt heard from our immigration lawyer in San Francisco about the approval.

Now I really don't want to get my hopes up too much just yet. I want to be really, really cautious about it all. But let me tell you, my darlingest dear, this could not have come at a better time. I really need to get away from the vestiges of my past life and through this seemingly unreal development, I feel that God is somehow telling me that if only I can cling on just a little bit more that our hopes together shall soon pan out, my Miyang, that amidst all the evil in the life of every Man there must also be a will of good that we all must believe in and rely upon. So, Bless the LORD, my loveliest love, for God alone is good.

I really would like to explore this avenue that seem to be opening up before us, my love, a little bit more closer but I should like to wait for a little more confirmation from my aunt or our lawyer.

All things in love remain in love, my love, and this is true with me which is why I must be careful because any unrequited love though seemingly heroic when viewed in retrospect hurts a lot when it is being lived in vitae and though this kind of self-abnegating hurt I feel is always a very good exercise in piety, one must always be careful to never exceed them to a point. Because taken to excess, its virtue becomes blind both ways, one from the dullness of lack that leads to complacency and the other from the darkness of pride that leads to hatred.

My chosen path is a way of love, my Annelies Marie, and you know that because I am in this way with you. It is a basic rule of life along this way to never allow the self to fall from either side of this path and avoid from becoming mired in either a state of complacency or of hatred most especially in the pious exercise of the spirituality of God and Country.

You can see this in the love that I personally bear for the Australian and American undertakings of Country as well as the Philippine one. Each of these precious motions of life and lineages of hope I hold in my heart as much as possible, with a love that - as freely and as humanly as I can express it - is without compare.

Therefore, any more or any less of this love more than what our LORD God alone may prescribe for me is futile and so I must never undertake to be any more or any less than what or who I am. Which is also why while I do allow for suffering in my life that I lovingly embrace, at the very same time, I do not wish to drink from the cup of suffering more than what I am given to drink.

I will not assume any more love than what I can give - either of persons or of nations. Not because I do not love us all but because I do, my loveliest love. And so when I am silent or am perceived to be silent about my love for anything it is not because I was or I am never there but because I seek to love all things like it is to ever always be there - to be from always to always.

These seemingly circuitous unbosoming, I know are often times difficult to understand, even for me, but what I do know is this: that I can instinctively trust these things because I never put them down without complete validation from my own heart of hearts.

And so while I should desire to plan for coming to America, I do not want to be so carried away by the motion that I forget to live in the present moment here in God with you and with all of our friends. And I do love my friends from work! This is sense of prudence and caution is one of those hard lessons I learned from my previous wanderings in Australia.

One thing is for sure, if our LORD God allows it, and I am permitted to return to the States, I will not waste a moment of my time over there, making sure with my life's width and breadth that the path that I am going to take this time with every choice that I make will be the one that leads to life, towards peace and friendship with our LORD and with all of you. I will build from there what I need so we can also build from here, my darlingest, and anywhere else this life may take us cats.

Yet above all I must make sure that where ever our LORD wills to apply my life that the necessary outcome of peace shall still remain one and the same outcome - one peace.
---<--@

Ninoy and Cory

If my nation wants to honor our late beloved Corazon Aquino - this is my personal opinion:

Let us remember Ninoy and Cory together on the same day of national commemoration and not separately because just the same as we should honor their virtue as individuals, we must also never forget their relationship with each other that gave them both the strength to carry us all through.

And then, let us put her beside her husband on the 500 note.

To me personally, our relationships with each other are more important than the individual parts.

It also hurts me a little when I see words of farewell to our heroes because I fear those words are somehow an excuse to forget. Personally speaking, I can never say good bye to the good because I see their achievements everywhere I go.
---<--@

Miyangersjian Monuments

When I think about this, I also think about the theme of the monuments worth building in our Miyangersjia - to ennoble the spirit of our community. One of the first ones among all of these would be a monument dedicated to the common people which is the monument of our one Filipino nation, titled "the eternal Philippines".

There will rarely be a depiction in Miyangerjia of a static single individual - our monuments will always depict the timeless motions of friendships, of belonging and of peace.
---<--@

Like and Love

When I was a little kuting, I said I love you to a girl I barely knew. And thought it was all the right thing to do. What an awkward moment that was! That moment drew for my awareness the line between the certainty of age and the recklessness of youth.

All love begins with a doubt like it is to like some things you never love and to love some things you never like. Love begins with a doubt, like a flower sleeping in the bud, it patiently awaits to know the beloved.

You are completely in love when you can stand away from your love and still say I am complete, completely in love.
---<--@

Lust

My dear co-worker one night - by all standards, a purty cat - a few days ago was sexually assaulted. The barangay watch in that area precluded what could have been a terrible thing not only to my friend but to all of her family and her family of friends, me included.

I do not even think of how I could bear with that were our LORD not kind enough to send a watchman to her assistance that night.

You see, my loveliest love, lust is a completely different reality away from love. And we shall look into this but not today. I do not yet want to go into that depressing place. Today, I just want to be here with my Annelies Marie, my Mrrrowley Polley, my Meowrrrja Meowrrrj, my Purrrincess Miyang.

Also, we're going to talk at greater length about addiction in general and drug addiction in particular some time in the future as well. Both lust and the wrong kinds of addictions are directly related, you see and we will try to trace them to their roots.

[... The thing with all evil things at first is it looks like something good (passive - it looks like the truth) and if it doesn't succeed in doing so, at some level, it tries to pass of as something good (active - it lies to the truth).

This always the MO of evil and so no matter how evolved its appearance may have become and no matter how slick its forked tongue may have grown, its primordial behavior like the night is to the day never changes nor does it possess the capacity to change.

Evil is a spirit just like sin is an act. Which is why we should never judge any human being without hope lest we despair of others nor should we judge our own selves without the same hope lest we ourselves commit the sin of despairing against the truth. ...]
---<--@

I love you.

Always to always,

Pusing