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I collected these thoughts last night, my loveliest love:

Dear darlingest Miyang Marie,

A Little Love Story

The measure of love is to love without measure.

I do not know where I happened upon this saying, my loveliest love, but isn't it so true?

When I was younger, I looked at love differently. I took it from itself. I made it mine and mine alone.

I wanted my girlfriend for myself and myself alone. And she wanted the same of me.

But love has a way of turning the tables on strangers like us.

In its own mysterious time, unknown to the uninitiated, to make itself known, love suddenly reveals itself.

With a sword, it pierces the heart. It draws blood to quicken the soul to itself.

Then with strong arms, it subdues the self until it makes us all its own.

And suddenly, the stranger is a stranger no more.

Unfortunately, my darlingest dear, that relationship did not survive the quickening of love.

For our hearts were not able to bear the doubt nor our egos able to withstand the hurt.

Neither of us were strong enough to bear for each other, our love; the failing of our youth.

I was hurt. She was hurt. Love was also hurt.

But it was the hurting that heals and it was the bearing that teaches. And so for many years I grieved. Not really knowing that love also wept with me.

I do not know how many years it took for love to bear me away from my grieving, my loveliest love. But when I was able to smile again, my darlingest Miyang, it was with you.

It is all that I can remember now.

All love begins with a doubt. When the heart asks itself, "do you love me?" It reassures by giving us every chance to prove ourselves.

If one loves the beloved without measure, there is a sense of wholeness that embraces both ways and the heart that knows it doubts it not.

There is a bittersweet pain to our loving, like a longing for love itself, and it is the experience of being in love.

For at the same time that loves takes us unto itself, it sets us free.
---<--@

The Me? How?

Remember, when things were yet so uncertain between us and we were held together by the littlest of trusts?

It was the Me? How? A time of trials. But the questions that we were asking at the time were not a confirmation of doubt.

It was the Me? How? It was a question that seeks to affirm our own willingness to find each other, even in the dark, under a blanket of stars.

It was the Me? How? All love begins with a doubt.

That was years ago.
---<--@

Love and Marriage

Which one comes first? How do we know when?

Both these questions seem simple enough. And sure enough, one is tempted to come up with quick answers like I was just now.

We might as well tell wine when to become wine.

Most certainly, these are very complicated questions. And it takes time to know what those answer are.

Sometimes wine is already wine and sometimes we have to make more wine. Things are in different states of being.

But some might ask how it is with you and I so I say yes, we are in love and no, we are not married.

You are neither my wife, my sister nor my friend - you are all of these, my Miyang Marie - in fact, you are more than all of these, my loveliest love. There are no human words to describe our relationship - it is the destiny of all true relationships to become this way - like the angels.

Marriage is for the earth. Its consummation is life. Love is for eternity. Its culmination is an everlasting joy.
---<--@

I love you.

Always to always,

Pusing