20081213

Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

My last shift was such a bear and things at my dad's place ain't that easy on the soul either that I had to get away from it all. So I decided to stay overnight at my mom's place and laugh at life for a while.

Well, I had a bit of a blue with my mom soon after I arrived and I almost left but was stopped by a text message that my mom sent 30 minutes before that I just noticed asking me what time I was to arrive. I had to think for a bit - and decided to stay and talk things over. What really bugs me is the partisanship between two sides who should for the sake of their children be one and the same. When I am at my dads, its one side critical of the other. When I am at my moms, its the same and what's worse, both my mom and my dad don't hide it from their children so that all the while as I was growing up, it was all in my face and in the face of my sisters. And now that I'm 36 years old, its still the same. I had to draw some lines, and in a way that is good and not combative or hostile to any side. I also have had to accept some things in my present that are at this moment, beyond my control. And so my mom and I talked and I am glad to report that the whole thing went well.

So well in fact, that I have decided to stay there every Friday and spend that night off with my mom and my step dad both of whom I love and who love me, of course. Its all well and good at my dads place but sometimes I need to get away from here as well.

Anyway, as I was sleeping over there at my moms place - sometime toward the morning, I had a vivid memory of a very succinct conversation that I thought I had with my mom. A conversation that felt sandwiched between sleep and sleep, I asked her if we had that conversation which she replied to the negative. Well, there are things that tend to stay with me, my darlingest, and you know that all to well - this would be one of those things. I felt as though a question was asked to me and what that question exactly was I can not recall but what was very clear to me was the answer that I myself gave and the answer was this, "that Anne had to choose to love you back and for that to happen, it has to have God's permission." I have been reflecting on the question itself and to the best of my thinking I believe that the question was all about the longevity of our friendship bonds - about why it had endured for this long without fading or disappearing - because you chose to love back and for this to happen, it has to have our LORD's permission.

I love you, my Miyang.

Always to always,

Pusing