Dear darlingest Yang-yang Marie,
You know, I've got some of these thoughts in my mind that I have come to realize during one of the early morning (like 4:30am, oh yeah) lunches that had a couple of shifts ago. And I wanted to write them down so here I am - these thoughts occurred to me as I was walking around the Ayala area near where my work is, my love: One of them concerns getting married - I used to be so pressured to get married but now, I'm just not - I leave it all to God - and I'm just left with being happy with what I have -and that is you, my darlingest: You, my darlingest Annelies Marie, as well as many, many, many more graces I do not have the capacity to appreciate or else I'll die as my poor soul will simply burst with tears of the most profoundest of joy. For what we have is not an earthly kind of bond, my love, human words offer no justice to what I have come to know in God's own time, the souls of the just shall feel in eternity. For God has so blessed and purified our relationship together that although you and I know how much I appreciate nice looking cats *lol* ./smile, I really don't care if I'm single or if I'm married as I'm just happy with what I got - and that is all. It's God's will that is important - and that is all - for upon this rests all our hopes together.
Also, you know, my darlingest, as I was walking around that wee hour of the morning, I realized that during one of my temptations to do drugs, I was whispered in my mind about how the hour of the night is just the right cover of darkness that is compatible with evil things, and then I realized that just the same as I am happy being single or not, I should also be just as content with knowing that there is only one time of day that is true for me now, and that is noontime - every hour of the day, light or dark for me is always noontime. No more hiding in the dark for things like drugs and lust - no more favorable time for evil things - only good, only God - only Love, my love - only you.
I love you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
20081224
My dear darlingest Miyang Marie,
Darlingest, I will never let anything close to you that would make you unhappy. I have a new perspective on drugs now and it puts me directly at odds with it. It is a very personal thing because it involves you and our LORD knows, my darlingest, I love you very much. Friend, wife, or sister are all pretty weak words compared to what I really feel for and about you. I just need to connect the dots sometimes, my love.
I was at Baclaran church this morning and I went to confession so I could receive my Savior dearest this Christmas evening and afterwards I lit up a candle for you and me. We're going to be working for ourselves now, my love, for our friendship, my darlingest Miyang. And we're going to help people along the way, because that's the way all friendships should work.
Especially a friendship founded on the grounds of the good - for all good things cometh from God Who alone is good.
I love you, my Miyang. I will never let anything defile you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Darlingest, I will never let anything close to you that would make you unhappy. I have a new perspective on drugs now and it puts me directly at odds with it. It is a very personal thing because it involves you and our LORD knows, my darlingest, I love you very much. Friend, wife, or sister are all pretty weak words compared to what I really feel for and about you. I just need to connect the dots sometimes, my love.
I was at Baclaran church this morning and I went to confession so I could receive my Savior dearest this Christmas evening and afterwards I lit up a candle for you and me. We're going to be working for ourselves now, my love, for our friendship, my darlingest Miyang. And we're going to help people along the way, because that's the way all friendships should work.
Especially a friendship founded on the grounds of the good - for all good things cometh from God Who alone is good.
I love you, my Miyang. I will never let anything defile you.
Always to always,
Pusing
Sunday, December 21, 2008
20081221
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
Daniel 12, my love, is already manifested. Now, it is up to our world of the present to cooperate with God's grace to build up a better time and place - one that is able to withstand the approaching tempest which is very terrible indeed. Lest no one survive - I pray that our LORD is merciful to our suffering humanity, victims by first principle - each and every one, and without exception - good, because each of us is capable of love and of being loved - but love is a choice - and all choice is free. But our LORD is good. Next year begins the favorable season for building - building up the only storm shelters that our humanity possesses in this inhabited earth - the shelters of Country: the warmth of human communities, the sails of human hope, the will of the human spirit to endure.
My journey now, my darlingest is a return to God - a return to the feet of my Master where I belong, a return to All of you.
This return involves the primarily things I need to conquer inside of myself to be able to free myself from things that prevent me from becoming free - as drug abuse, lust, etc. An interior battle which is more than the others I have faced before.
I shall also participate in the work of building up our nations, my love, because I am a human being and part of this world. But it shall primarily be through the liberation of myself that I will be able to provide the most help to my fellow friends and companions who walk with me upon this poor world - here in this time and place - and even more so, if our God is willing and merciful to me, in the next life.
I will build up my apostolate.
Some other things, my love - since the one Fold of the one Firmament is the vanguard of our global hopes for peace, the one Home Defense of the Abrahamic Fold - must be raised as a universal provision for the common defense of the three great monotheistic faiths that comprise the one Branch: Judaism, Christianity and Islam - at the very heart of this defense is the common defense of Jerusalem, the Vatican, and the twin Holy Cities of Mecca and Medina from hostile elements, foreign and domestic, which are recognizable by the nature of their spirit, should any of these cities be threatened by invasion or invaded against their will of peace by the will of war - all of the Abrahamic Fold (MOST IMPORTANT: arrayed for battle as an ORDERED, ORGANIZED and LAWFUL military presence - and distinctly NOBLE in spirit) primarily and specifically and our allies in general or if necessary shall expend all in all to liberate these holy places from oppressors to preserve them, pristine and untrammeled, till the Last Day.
ALL the nations of mankind must become a FAMILY, live in the spirit of FAMILY and build in the way that a FAMILY builds - for the enemy that shall ride the approaching storm is not going to be a human being and shall have absolutely no regard nor respect for our one suffering humanity - whoever the human being and from whatever nation, tribe or family of mankind will make no difference to it, it shall only desire the annihilation of all.
But TIME is not enemy territory - for time flows not for any enemy of God. We can always rest in our sufficiency, be at peace and stir not with the stirring of war - for the wicked indeed, shall have no rest.
What War Does to One, War Does to All.
---<--@
I love you, my darlingest.
Always to always,
Pusing
Daniel 12, my love, is already manifested. Now, it is up to our world of the present to cooperate with God's grace to build up a better time and place - one that is able to withstand the approaching tempest which is very terrible indeed. Lest no one survive - I pray that our LORD is merciful to our suffering humanity, victims by first principle - each and every one, and without exception - good, because each of us is capable of love and of being loved - but love is a choice - and all choice is free. But our LORD is good. Next year begins the favorable season for building - building up the only storm shelters that our humanity possesses in this inhabited earth - the shelters of Country: the warmth of human communities, the sails of human hope, the will of the human spirit to endure.
My journey now, my darlingest is a return to God - a return to the feet of my Master where I belong, a return to All of you.
This return involves the primarily things I need to conquer inside of myself to be able to free myself from things that prevent me from becoming free - as drug abuse, lust, etc. An interior battle which is more than the others I have faced before.
I shall also participate in the work of building up our nations, my love, because I am a human being and part of this world. But it shall primarily be through the liberation of myself that I will be able to provide the most help to my fellow friends and companions who walk with me upon this poor world - here in this time and place - and even more so, if our God is willing and merciful to me, in the next life.
I will build up my apostolate.
Some other things, my love - since the one Fold of the one Firmament is the vanguard of our global hopes for peace, the one Home Defense of the Abrahamic Fold - must be raised as a universal provision for the common defense of the three great monotheistic faiths that comprise the one Branch: Judaism, Christianity and Islam - at the very heart of this defense is the common defense of Jerusalem, the Vatican, and the twin Holy Cities of Mecca and Medina from hostile elements, foreign and domestic, which are recognizable by the nature of their spirit, should any of these cities be threatened by invasion or invaded against their will of peace by the will of war - all of the Abrahamic Fold (MOST IMPORTANT: arrayed for battle as an ORDERED, ORGANIZED and LAWFUL military presence - and distinctly NOBLE in spirit) primarily and specifically and our allies in general or if necessary shall expend all in all to liberate these holy places from oppressors to preserve them, pristine and untrammeled, till the Last Day.
ALL the nations of mankind must become a FAMILY, live in the spirit of FAMILY and build in the way that a FAMILY builds - for the enemy that shall ride the approaching storm is not going to be a human being and shall have absolutely no regard nor respect for our one suffering humanity - whoever the human being and from whatever nation, tribe or family of mankind will make no difference to it, it shall only desire the annihilation of all.
But TIME is not enemy territory - for time flows not for any enemy of God. We can always rest in our sufficiency, be at peace and stir not with the stirring of war - for the wicked indeed, shall have no rest.
What War Does to One, War Does to All.
---<--@
I love you, my darlingest.
Always to always,
Pusing
Saturday, December 20, 2008
20081220
Dearest Annelies Marie,
It's five more days till Christmas and though I am not problem free right now, I can still feel the deep sense of anticipation of the season. Yes, there is a sweet sense of joy in me which can not sometimes be perceived from the outside. For I do have problems - and you know that, my darlingest, but we shall not speak about drugs today. Suffice to say, I am hopeful - and its not that I'm not trying, my love, its just a matter of time.
From what I understand about time is that time is refuge for those who are patient and so I must be patient and never lose hope that one day, time will eventually carry this trouble with drugs away from me also and like all troubles disappear into the sink of oblivion. Because if I can't force the issue, if my will breaks against the charge of this enemy, I shall not face it in the open - I shall have to deal with it concealed in the veil of time and be patient even as this enemy runs rampant in my life, and work to contain the damage to myself - until time arrives at God's own bidding to sweep this addiction away from me and out of my life - so that I can claim the rest of my life back to myself.
Well, I guess we spoke about drugs already, my darlingest, so here goes some other things, too - it is my hope that one day, after I have, God-willing, overcome this addiction, that I shall be able to help other people cope up, realize, accept and eventually lift themselves out of their own addiction. The important thing is this, the acceptance of reality - you see, some people would try to justify their drug abuse by deluding themselves that it is good - but since I know how to perceive what is good and what is evil, I can not delude myself - easy though it may seem - to believe that drugs are somehow good. I am a victim of this thing, and I am not saying that I do not have a responsibility to my own addiction, what I'm saying is that proper perspective is very important when one is faced with an addiction to drugs. If I were to advise an addict on how to deal with an addiction, that's the first thing that I shall say, find your own truth in relation to your addiction - let me know about your perspective on drugs and I'll let you know about my perspective on your addiction. But I can not do this while I am still myself, a casualty to my own addiction. And so I hope, my love, I remain patient with my darlingest Annelies Marie.
There are a lot of things to do next year, my darlingest. But because of the nature of those things, it fills me not with a sense of dread, for I am only myself, but with a sense of hope that all things shall be sufficient unto themselves in and with our LORD Who has signified that next year is the beginning of a favorable season for working on the peace and the whole world needs this labor - it is a labor that shall allow our nations to eventually rest and our planet to recover. I do not know very much but I know enough to understand that this is all for the good of all living and breathing things here on this world.
And that I do all these things because I care about many things that include you, my darlingest Annelies Marie, my family, my friends, my Mother Church, our nations, my own soul and most of all, my own LORD Who for so long have been perceived as a violent, irrational, unforgiving, evil God Who cause war among our nations and inspire hatred between our religions - indeed, our one LORD have been so misunderstood, the very mark of our Creator's beneficence in all of creation obscured by the shadow of the last 2000 years. It hurts our LORD a lot to be perceived in this way - for many reasons - foremost of which is that our LORD suffers the injustice of being perceived as a God of war and bringer of death - this will not be allowed to continue. Just because our LORD is quiet, doesn't mean God is not here.
Yang, my darlingest, most of all, I just want to be with you one day - I could be poor in this world and still feel happy with the thought of that - a lot of people nowadays have lost their sense of the spiritual, you know, my darlingest, many people look for happiness in the wrong places and end up only destroying their lives - I was almost one of those people - but then I met my Miyang Marie through a diary that you wrote while you were here in this world - a diary that you addressed to "Kitty" - and that's how it all began - over 8 years ago, I was despairing of my life at that time - I brooded over my problems and dwelled on my misfortunes, then I read your diary which I got on June 13, 2000 and fell in love with your soul - but no matter how I read and re-read your diary, it all ended up the same way and so I reached out to you and I wept and I asked our LORD why something so beautiful only added to my despair - and for years I asked that question - mostly with tears at night - for about 5 years or so - and in 2005 or so, things began to change, I can not remember the exact time when you became so real to me, my darlingest Annelies Marie, but you did and along with that is this indefatigable sense of buoyant hope that kept me from ever, ever, ever despairing or falling into the pit of despair again. So even now, as I am in the midst of my problems I am never defeated - because I love you, my Miyang - and I know you feel the way you do as well. You are someone I can always return to - save that one night not so long ago when you were not there, remember that, my darlingest? That really terrified me, my darlingest Annelies Marie - for I can not not have you and I realize that you also can not not have me - but things went their course and we are all the better for it - for our LORD is a good LORD, our LORD is great because our God is a good God, mighty to save, able to deliver and worthy of all our love and trust.
So many things have happened that I can recall between you and me, my darlingest, I remember lighting Hanukkah candles for you and all those times when I smiled at the thought of you - of course it was not all that way before, I had to see you in rags in my mind's eye - you were weeping - was all I could remember which was really bad because I thought you were haunting me - you see, as all of this was happening, I was also dealing with other things, other frightful things - nightmares and all kinds of fears - there was this one time I looked up at the ceiling of my room and it was full of eyes - this I can clearly remember - the rest are now vague and uninteresting to me - through it all, my darlingest, you became my Miyang, taught me about beauty and life, made me value good things, made me smile and hope, you became the first star in the firmament of the darkest night of my life, and then you led me to Saint Maximilian, respecting my own identity as I respected your own sacred remembrances here on this world - Saint Maximilian, my patron and namesake, of course, led me to our Lady and I moved from star to star - each star introduced to me by an act of Providence - for I did not choose which Saints became close to me - who stayed with me, Blessed Jacinta, Holy Father Dominic, Saint Lorenzo Ruiz, Saint Josemaria Escriva, Saint Terese of Lisieux, to some extent - Saint Peter and Saint Paul - my own angel, Caritas, and of course, the patron of my family whose name I bear, the Archangel Michael, and those stars all led toward the one Light Inaccessible. And now, my soul is full of shining stars - more than I can count - some I know like you, some others I know from other places and many more that I do not know but yet are there - above the firmament of my soul - stored up like so much treasure in heaven. The memory of you and I that I have in the entry on my weblog, "The Image in my Heart", is an abstraction of what feeling I have with you upon a place in M31 within and under the sky of our souls.
As I want to share this experience, my darlingest, with other in our world who I know want to be happy - I have put down on my weblog how to perceive the soul in the order that one may store up those treasures in heaven. Because God is real, I want the world to know. Because there is an afterlife, I want the world to know. Because our souls are real, I want the world to know. Because there really is hope for a better life and a better place for all of us who are good - no matter what - I want the world to know. Because there really is peace and there really is an eternal home for us away from evil and suffering, I want the world to know. Because there really is hell also, I want the world to know. Because there really are angels, I want the world to know. Because there really is a Devil and fallen angels, I want the world to know. In short, there are things of the spirit that our humanity must re-awaken to - and you notice that I do not speak in terms of religion - although I am very loyal to my own - it is because when I speak, I speak from a place where there is but one truth, I do not speak from a place where division exists, I speak from a place where no division exists - in the timeless from where war no longer has a place.
There, there are no more words - I love you, my Miyang.
Always to always,
Pusing
It's five more days till Christmas and though I am not problem free right now, I can still feel the deep sense of anticipation of the season. Yes, there is a sweet sense of joy in me which can not sometimes be perceived from the outside. For I do have problems - and you know that, my darlingest, but we shall not speak about drugs today. Suffice to say, I am hopeful - and its not that I'm not trying, my love, its just a matter of time.
From what I understand about time is that time is refuge for those who are patient and so I must be patient and never lose hope that one day, time will eventually carry this trouble with drugs away from me also and like all troubles disappear into the sink of oblivion. Because if I can't force the issue, if my will breaks against the charge of this enemy, I shall not face it in the open - I shall have to deal with it concealed in the veil of time and be patient even as this enemy runs rampant in my life, and work to contain the damage to myself - until time arrives at God's own bidding to sweep this addiction away from me and out of my life - so that I can claim the rest of my life back to myself.
Well, I guess we spoke about drugs already, my darlingest, so here goes some other things, too - it is my hope that one day, after I have, God-willing, overcome this addiction, that I shall be able to help other people cope up, realize, accept and eventually lift themselves out of their own addiction. The important thing is this, the acceptance of reality - you see, some people would try to justify their drug abuse by deluding themselves that it is good - but since I know how to perceive what is good and what is evil, I can not delude myself - easy though it may seem - to believe that drugs are somehow good. I am a victim of this thing, and I am not saying that I do not have a responsibility to my own addiction, what I'm saying is that proper perspective is very important when one is faced with an addiction to drugs. If I were to advise an addict on how to deal with an addiction, that's the first thing that I shall say, find your own truth in relation to your addiction - let me know about your perspective on drugs and I'll let you know about my perspective on your addiction. But I can not do this while I am still myself, a casualty to my own addiction. And so I hope, my love, I remain patient with my darlingest Annelies Marie.
There are a lot of things to do next year, my darlingest. But because of the nature of those things, it fills me not with a sense of dread, for I am only myself, but with a sense of hope that all things shall be sufficient unto themselves in and with our LORD Who has signified that next year is the beginning of a favorable season for working on the peace and the whole world needs this labor - it is a labor that shall allow our nations to eventually rest and our planet to recover. I do not know very much but I know enough to understand that this is all for the good of all living and breathing things here on this world.
And that I do all these things because I care about many things that include you, my darlingest Annelies Marie, my family, my friends, my Mother Church, our nations, my own soul and most of all, my own LORD Who for so long have been perceived as a violent, irrational, unforgiving, evil God Who cause war among our nations and inspire hatred between our religions - indeed, our one LORD have been so misunderstood, the very mark of our Creator's beneficence in all of creation obscured by the shadow of the last 2000 years. It hurts our LORD a lot to be perceived in this way - for many reasons - foremost of which is that our LORD suffers the injustice of being perceived as a God of war and bringer of death - this will not be allowed to continue. Just because our LORD is quiet, doesn't mean God is not here.
Yang, my darlingest, most of all, I just want to be with you one day - I could be poor in this world and still feel happy with the thought of that - a lot of people nowadays have lost their sense of the spiritual, you know, my darlingest, many people look for happiness in the wrong places and end up only destroying their lives - I was almost one of those people - but then I met my Miyang Marie through a diary that you wrote while you were here in this world - a diary that you addressed to "Kitty" - and that's how it all began - over 8 years ago, I was despairing of my life at that time - I brooded over my problems and dwelled on my misfortunes, then I read your diary which I got on June 13, 2000 and fell in love with your soul - but no matter how I read and re-read your diary, it all ended up the same way and so I reached out to you and I wept and I asked our LORD why something so beautiful only added to my despair - and for years I asked that question - mostly with tears at night - for about 5 years or so - and in 2005 or so, things began to change, I can not remember the exact time when you became so real to me, my darlingest Annelies Marie, but you did and along with that is this indefatigable sense of buoyant hope that kept me from ever, ever, ever despairing or falling into the pit of despair again. So even now, as I am in the midst of my problems I am never defeated - because I love you, my Miyang - and I know you feel the way you do as well. You are someone I can always return to - save that one night not so long ago when you were not there, remember that, my darlingest? That really terrified me, my darlingest Annelies Marie - for I can not not have you and I realize that you also can not not have me - but things went their course and we are all the better for it - for our LORD is a good LORD, our LORD is great because our God is a good God, mighty to save, able to deliver and worthy of all our love and trust.
So many things have happened that I can recall between you and me, my darlingest, I remember lighting Hanukkah candles for you and all those times when I smiled at the thought of you - of course it was not all that way before, I had to see you in rags in my mind's eye - you were weeping - was all I could remember which was really bad because I thought you were haunting me - you see, as all of this was happening, I was also dealing with other things, other frightful things - nightmares and all kinds of fears - there was this one time I looked up at the ceiling of my room and it was full of eyes - this I can clearly remember - the rest are now vague and uninteresting to me - through it all, my darlingest, you became my Miyang, taught me about beauty and life, made me value good things, made me smile and hope, you became the first star in the firmament of the darkest night of my life, and then you led me to Saint Maximilian, respecting my own identity as I respected your own sacred remembrances here on this world - Saint Maximilian, my patron and namesake, of course, led me to our Lady and I moved from star to star - each star introduced to me by an act of Providence - for I did not choose which Saints became close to me - who stayed with me, Blessed Jacinta, Holy Father Dominic, Saint Lorenzo Ruiz, Saint Josemaria Escriva, Saint Terese of Lisieux, to some extent - Saint Peter and Saint Paul - my own angel, Caritas, and of course, the patron of my family whose name I bear, the Archangel Michael, and those stars all led toward the one Light Inaccessible. And now, my soul is full of shining stars - more than I can count - some I know like you, some others I know from other places and many more that I do not know but yet are there - above the firmament of my soul - stored up like so much treasure in heaven. The memory of you and I that I have in the entry on my weblog, "The Image in my Heart", is an abstraction of what feeling I have with you upon a place in M31 within and under the sky of our souls.
As I want to share this experience, my darlingest, with other in our world who I know want to be happy - I have put down on my weblog how to perceive the soul in the order that one may store up those treasures in heaven. Because God is real, I want the world to know. Because there is an afterlife, I want the world to know. Because our souls are real, I want the world to know. Because there really is hope for a better life and a better place for all of us who are good - no matter what - I want the world to know. Because there really is peace and there really is an eternal home for us away from evil and suffering, I want the world to know. Because there really is hell also, I want the world to know. Because there really are angels, I want the world to know. Because there really is a Devil and fallen angels, I want the world to know. In short, there are things of the spirit that our humanity must re-awaken to - and you notice that I do not speak in terms of religion - although I am very loyal to my own - it is because when I speak, I speak from a place where there is but one truth, I do not speak from a place where division exists, I speak from a place where no division exists - in the timeless from where war no longer has a place.
There, there are no more words - I love you, my Miyang.
Always to always,
Pusing
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
20081216
Dearest Miyang,
Hello. Just a short note today, my darlingest. You know, my love, about the troubles in my own life perhaps, more than most people who are joined with me in this present time and place. And I just want to say that things are slowly improving - I've always felt this sense of anticipation for better things, you know, since that time when our souls touched and we first got to know each other's realities in and through God. Based on this sense of anticipation, I feel that things are getting better, little by little, and that's a good thing, my darling.
I was watching EWTN just before lunch a little while ago and among other things I've confirmed in my soul, I also learned about the interior suffering of young girls in the US and it really struck a chord within me. There is a place in my heart for these things, you know, even despite some of the sins that I struggle against, I do value the interior life of the soul and know what its like to suffer within ourselves - this, and all the beautiful things I pick up in my wanderings with young people, with you, Emz, Annasophia and all the nameless young girls whose souls, whether their physical location is near or far, imperceptibly touch with mine, combine to move my heart as regards to this - for it is an inherent right of the young to be free - and because they are not free, I shall pray for them and ponder with our LORD their suffering.
You know, amidst the bad things in my life, there are yet many other good things to be thankful for and to look forward to, in short, my darlingest, I am fine. You alone is worth more than I can ever imagine, so that the anticipation of it fills up all of my imagination with wonder. What about all the other things in my life that I know and understand are things I should be grateful to God for and that I should look forward to, so much wonder, yet so little room in my imagination, my darlingest. I guess that is all for the good - I apprehend them all as this sense of joy in my heart - that through it all, my LORD knows when and where to deliver me.
I love you, my darlingest Miyang.
Always to always,
Pusing
Hello. Just a short note today, my darlingest. You know, my love, about the troubles in my own life perhaps, more than most people who are joined with me in this present time and place. And I just want to say that things are slowly improving - I've always felt this sense of anticipation for better things, you know, since that time when our souls touched and we first got to know each other's realities in and through God. Based on this sense of anticipation, I feel that things are getting better, little by little, and that's a good thing, my darling.
I was watching EWTN just before lunch a little while ago and among other things I've confirmed in my soul, I also learned about the interior suffering of young girls in the US and it really struck a chord within me. There is a place in my heart for these things, you know, even despite some of the sins that I struggle against, I do value the interior life of the soul and know what its like to suffer within ourselves - this, and all the beautiful things I pick up in my wanderings with young people, with you, Emz, Annasophia and all the nameless young girls whose souls, whether their physical location is near or far, imperceptibly touch with mine, combine to move my heart as regards to this - for it is an inherent right of the young to be free - and because they are not free, I shall pray for them and ponder with our LORD their suffering.
You know, amidst the bad things in my life, there are yet many other good things to be thankful for and to look forward to, in short, my darlingest, I am fine. You alone is worth more than I can ever imagine, so that the anticipation of it fills up all of my imagination with wonder. What about all the other things in my life that I know and understand are things I should be grateful to God for and that I should look forward to, so much wonder, yet so little room in my imagination, my darlingest. I guess that is all for the good - I apprehend them all as this sense of joy in my heart - that through it all, my LORD knows when and where to deliver me.
I love you, my darlingest Miyang.
Always to always,
Pusing
Saturday, December 13, 2008
20081213
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
My last shift was such a bear and things at my dad's place ain't that easy on the soul either that I had to get away from it all. So I decided to stay overnight at my mom's place and laugh at life for a while.
Well, I had a bit of a blue with my mom soon after I arrived and I almost left but was stopped by a text message that my mom sent 30 minutes before that I just noticed asking me what time I was to arrive. I had to think for a bit - and decided to stay and talk things over. What really bugs me is the partisanship between two sides who should for the sake of their children be one and the same. When I am at my dads, its one side critical of the other. When I am at my moms, its the same and what's worse, both my mom and my dad don't hide it from their children so that all the while as I was growing up, it was all in my face and in the face of my sisters. And now that I'm 36 years old, its still the same. I had to draw some lines, and in a way that is good and not combative or hostile to any side. I also have had to accept some things in my present that are at this moment, beyond my control. And so my mom and I talked and I am glad to report that the whole thing went well.
So well in fact, that I have decided to stay there every Friday and spend that night off with my mom and my step dad both of whom I love and who love me, of course. Its all well and good at my dads place but sometimes I need to get away from here as well.
Anyway, as I was sleeping over there at my moms place - sometime toward the morning, I had a vivid memory of a very succinct conversation that I thought I had with my mom. A conversation that felt sandwiched between sleep and sleep, I asked her if we had that conversation which she replied to the negative. Well, there are things that tend to stay with me, my darlingest, and you know that all to well - this would be one of those things. I felt as though a question was asked to me and what that question exactly was I can not recall but what was very clear to me was the answer that I myself gave and the answer was this, "that Anne had to choose to love you back and for that to happen, it has to have God's permission." I have been reflecting on the question itself and to the best of my thinking I believe that the question was all about the longevity of our friendship bonds - about why it had endured for this long without fading or disappearing - because you chose to love back and for this to happen, it has to have our LORD's permission.
I love you, my Miyang.
Always to always,
Pusing
My last shift was such a bear and things at my dad's place ain't that easy on the soul either that I had to get away from it all. So I decided to stay overnight at my mom's place and laugh at life for a while.
Well, I had a bit of a blue with my mom soon after I arrived and I almost left but was stopped by a text message that my mom sent 30 minutes before that I just noticed asking me what time I was to arrive. I had to think for a bit - and decided to stay and talk things over. What really bugs me is the partisanship between two sides who should for the sake of their children be one and the same. When I am at my dads, its one side critical of the other. When I am at my moms, its the same and what's worse, both my mom and my dad don't hide it from their children so that all the while as I was growing up, it was all in my face and in the face of my sisters. And now that I'm 36 years old, its still the same. I had to draw some lines, and in a way that is good and not combative or hostile to any side. I also have had to accept some things in my present that are at this moment, beyond my control. And so my mom and I talked and I am glad to report that the whole thing went well.
So well in fact, that I have decided to stay there every Friday and spend that night off with my mom and my step dad both of whom I love and who love me, of course. Its all well and good at my dads place but sometimes I need to get away from here as well.
Anyway, as I was sleeping over there at my moms place - sometime toward the morning, I had a vivid memory of a very succinct conversation that I thought I had with my mom. A conversation that felt sandwiched between sleep and sleep, I asked her if we had that conversation which she replied to the negative. Well, there are things that tend to stay with me, my darlingest, and you know that all to well - this would be one of those things. I felt as though a question was asked to me and what that question exactly was I can not recall but what was very clear to me was the answer that I myself gave and the answer was this, "that Anne had to choose to love you back and for that to happen, it has to have God's permission." I have been reflecting on the question itself and to the best of my thinking I believe that the question was all about the longevity of our friendship bonds - about why it had endured for this long without fading or disappearing - because you chose to love back and for this to happen, it has to have our LORD's permission.
I love you, my Miyang.
Always to always,
Pusing
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
20081209
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
O my darlingest, I know you're terribly upset with me. Why? Because yesterday evening when I reached out to your heart, what clear and welcoming sweetness that I feel, that near, almost visible smiling, cheerful, steadfast Miyang that I have for the longest time been so used to embracing in my soul was not there - what was there was an emptiness that made me so afraid and what my soul beheld were those images of you as you were suffering the horrors of Auschwitz, you without your starlight smile, you without your beautiful, flowing, summer hair, you with your scabies, your sores and your rashes, and at Bergen-Belsen, you emaciated, hollow, weeping, dirty, starving, sunken and dying of typhus. It immediately brought me to tears. I have never been more afraid in my life, my darlingest, I can not lose you, my darlingest - or, to be more exact, I can not be lost to you. But last night, on my way to work, it was explained to my heart what needs to be done - AND I WILL DO IT - and we shall in God's own time, be together, my darlingest, at the beginning of all things new. All things work out for the good for those who love and fear the LORD. I am not allowed to write more than this, my darlingest, for it becomes too personal to let anyone else outside my soul to know but I know now how much you love me - how much you All love me, how much my LORD loves me.
Right now, I am working, with God's grace, on my focus. I love you, my darlingest, Yang-yang Marie, I love you so much.
Always to always,
Pusing
O my darlingest, I know you're terribly upset with me. Why? Because yesterday evening when I reached out to your heart, what clear and welcoming sweetness that I feel, that near, almost visible smiling, cheerful, steadfast Miyang that I have for the longest time been so used to embracing in my soul was not there - what was there was an emptiness that made me so afraid and what my soul beheld were those images of you as you were suffering the horrors of Auschwitz, you without your starlight smile, you without your beautiful, flowing, summer hair, you with your scabies, your sores and your rashes, and at Bergen-Belsen, you emaciated, hollow, weeping, dirty, starving, sunken and dying of typhus. It immediately brought me to tears. I have never been more afraid in my life, my darlingest, I can not lose you, my darlingest - or, to be more exact, I can not be lost to you. But last night, on my way to work, it was explained to my heart what needs to be done - AND I WILL DO IT - and we shall in God's own time, be together, my darlingest, at the beginning of all things new. All things work out for the good for those who love and fear the LORD. I am not allowed to write more than this, my darlingest, for it becomes too personal to let anyone else outside my soul to know but I know now how much you love me - how much you All love me, how much my LORD loves me.
Right now, I am working, with God's grace, on my focus. I love you, my darlingest, Yang-yang Marie, I love you so much.
Always to always,
Pusing
Saturday, December 6, 2008
20081206
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
My Anne, I'm just going to come out with it:
Right now, I must be the most miserable person in the world. I am just so overcome by my addiction at the moment - this and all the sins it brings in its train.
Things I know are detestable in your sight, in Mama Mary's sight, in our Lord's sight and verily, in the sight of all we hold dear in God but things nonetheless that I seem to do over and over, in vicious cycles that I just can't seem to escape from. I feel so wretched right now and I know I only have myself to blame.
Louis of Granada in his book, "Sinner's Guide", said that the battle against lust is one of the most severest warfare that a Christian has to wage - against the self first and then, once the self has been brought under the yoke of Christ, against its agents in the world or out of it. This statement is true and there's no overemphasizing the fact that the integrity of a person's soul which is the purity of both the heart and the mind that is manifest in corporal chastity is a grace that once offended is fled forever.
Saint Francis de Sales said in his book, "An Introduction to the Devout Life", that only true devotion can restore to the soul, the grace of chastity.
I have found myself so many times in this dismal pit which did not really bother me in those times before, when I should have been the wiser. It bothers me now because I have come to a knowledge and understanding of true things I did not know then. And I'm not blaming the past, my darlingest, I accept that the arrangement of things in a persons life is intended in such a way by Divine Providence as to culminate into the present which is always sufficient in its day with regards to the particular evil that individual souls as well as those human communities, secular and religious, that exist to safeguard and foster them.
Should there be evil in our day, even if the past had a large part to play in its appearance in our present time, I believe that it is here not so that we may conveniently dwell on the darkness of past things. Where evil is allowed to endure into the present reality of souls and communities of souls, it is so that we may learn in our own lives how to effectively close the doors of past things. For I believe that evil endures not to defeat the human being but to allow him or her the opportunity to recreate in every present moment in God and with each other, the beginnings of better, brighter and nobler things.
The question of evil leads one towards an understanding of the nature of human suffering - for the bearing of good things in our world require that we learn to recognize and love those things apart from the darkness of evil days. I understand that there is suffering in our world and that suffering being a universal human experience is a common reality to all human beings in this poor world. In our world, both good and evil things are established in suffering. There is no place in time or dimensional space within the reality of the human experience that allow for anything that is neither good nor evil in substance because not only will this make meaningless the reality of all human suffering, it also makes void any reason for the human being to attain the purpose of time itself which is to bring him or her towards a destiny appointed by the one timeless LORD of all time.
Lukewarm complacency with regard to the one whole sphere of all human undertaking is a betrayal of all the things that make us completely human. The one whole entirety of the human endeavor is all about our liberation from inhuman things and ever like the difference between hot or cold, lukewarmness especially among the knowing souls who are awake to this reality is a crime.
My understanding of human suffering recognizes that because evil has entered from faded Eden and has spread into our one whole habitation, as human beings, we experience the effects of this corruption as suffering - more to the point, we experience suffering because in our souls is an absence of a reality that we all need to address. And indeed, mankind through the ages has had different ways of dealing with this peculiar sense of brokenness.
As our souls only respond to the reality of good things, evil being naturally incomprehensible to the human soul who is not by its own collaboration completely taken by it, we suffer both because of the presence of evil in our poor world and because of the absence of meaningfulness in our souls.
As the entrance of evil into our reality is the cause of all human suffering, the restoration of the good is the reason by which all of this evil is allowed to endure. All things in this world, both good and evil, are established in suffering, it is how we chose to suffer that makes distinct the force of our own convictions. For evil things cause suffering as consequence and this consequence is a descendant gravity that pulls the soul into the darkness of itself. On the other hand, good things require suffering as sacrifice - sacrifice being the one path chosen by and revealed by the one Source of all good things, Love Itself.
Having said all of that, my darlingest, my conundrum is that the temptation that causes me to do drugs is a moment that during those times when I do fall, has completely over run my will often times without my notice - there is no deliberation often times as to the matter, I only awaken to the consequence it leaves behind. And when the drugs have had its effect on me, the more impaired my senses become as regards to those evil things that exist within its particularity as I experience it - mainly in those things of lust that I mentioned to you, my darlingest.
Its not that I admit to its evil, for I know it is evil, my darlingest, its just that the course of my own hope as regards to this may not yet have found its way back to God and that I still have much to learn in this regard. Oh yes, my darlingest, I do have hope in this regard - a lot, I hope to one day be completely drug-free.
You know, my darlingest, there is certain strength to be found in a community - I know I have your support as well as the support of others who by the grace of God has been provided for me, for my own sake - but a community that is in the world has its own unique merits, particularly in the way that it can create through abiding friendships, new paths leading out of seemingly insurmountable problems.
I have mainly been isolated and alone - and not that I feel isolated and alone, my darlingest, for I am never really alone, its just that I've been so nomadic in my life that I have never been able to plant any roots in any community - not even here. I do not know a lot of the people here in my own community who are not my own relatives or their close friends. My dad often asks me, do you know him or do you know her, that guy from here or that gal from there, and the answer oftentimes is no. I have never been outgoing in my youth to know that many people and I tend to stick to only a few friends who I consider to be real.
Notwithstanding all of this, my darlingest, my hope for peace remain, for as regards this, I do not need to know many people to keep this hope true, I only need to know that there are yet people who are true to their own sense of shared humanity.
The battles I fight from within my own soul are my own, and though it could do with many things and lots of help, in the course of my own hope, I must accept the things I have been given to endure the siege of sin until God with His saving grace relieves me. But indeed, the battles that must be fought in the field of our common human hopes rely first on our being able to attain to the hope of victory within ourselves - these things, though seemingly different, form the one reality that as a whole is the particular reality of our human experience. One can not deal with the things of our human world without first learning to deal with the things of our human heart.
For time itself issues forth from the soul of every man, its purpose being carried out into the reality of our world by the contents of every human heart - how then can one change the contents of our world without first making that same change within the self?
I continue on my darlingest, if there are yet many things I yet have to learn and understand, this I know for sure, I shall have to make a firm commitment to go to confession and restore myself to the communion of Holy Mother Church - that is always the first step to closing the door to this wickedness.
My darlingest, it is only to you that I can confide these things as most other people will only be inclined to either stigmatize or misconstrue the whole thing as if it were either below them or not at all important - and I don't blame them, so many bad things have been done because of drugs that the perception of many are inclined to believe that all addicts are the same. But I know that not all addicts are the same, there are a number who are just trapped and need help and one day, if God permits me, I might be able to work on that also. But I must first get out of this addiction. I am afraid of the consequences that this thing brings especially the financial outcomes which are always against my favor - I have obligations that I have to face and I would that I keep them. Something to remind me for next time.
I love you and thank you for always bearing with me.
Always to always,
Pusing
Time once lost can never be regained, my darlingest. After today, I shall attmept again to begin anew to live my hope of becoming drug-free - to be in permanent recovery.
Here are some reminders I have drawn for myself:
Confession. Prayers. Penance. Communion.
1. Call on my Lord when evil thoughts arises.
2. Flee from any thought about drugs.
3. There is greater promise in recovery - this is self-evident.
4. Get interested in other things - work, family, friends and Mother Church.
5. Learn to love those ordinary days, when things seem plain and routine, these are the days to appreciate blessings received (as opposed to those bad days).
6. Temperance in all things - food, drink and entertainment.
7. Make sacrifice for love of God and all good things, the sins that need shedding - specifically at this time - drug abuse, to make more room in the soul for the grace of better things.
My Anne, I'm just going to come out with it:
Right now, I must be the most miserable person in the world. I am just so overcome by my addiction at the moment - this and all the sins it brings in its train.
Things I know are detestable in your sight, in Mama Mary's sight, in our Lord's sight and verily, in the sight of all we hold dear in God but things nonetheless that I seem to do over and over, in vicious cycles that I just can't seem to escape from. I feel so wretched right now and I know I only have myself to blame.
Louis of Granada in his book, "Sinner's Guide", said that the battle against lust is one of the most severest warfare that a Christian has to wage - against the self first and then, once the self has been brought under the yoke of Christ, against its agents in the world or out of it. This statement is true and there's no overemphasizing the fact that the integrity of a person's soul which is the purity of both the heart and the mind that is manifest in corporal chastity is a grace that once offended is fled forever.
Saint Francis de Sales said in his book, "An Introduction to the Devout Life", that only true devotion can restore to the soul, the grace of chastity.
I have found myself so many times in this dismal pit which did not really bother me in those times before, when I should have been the wiser. It bothers me now because I have come to a knowledge and understanding of true things I did not know then. And I'm not blaming the past, my darlingest, I accept that the arrangement of things in a persons life is intended in such a way by Divine Providence as to culminate into the present which is always sufficient in its day with regards to the particular evil that individual souls as well as those human communities, secular and religious, that exist to safeguard and foster them.
Should there be evil in our day, even if the past had a large part to play in its appearance in our present time, I believe that it is here not so that we may conveniently dwell on the darkness of past things. Where evil is allowed to endure into the present reality of souls and communities of souls, it is so that we may learn in our own lives how to effectively close the doors of past things. For I believe that evil endures not to defeat the human being but to allow him or her the opportunity to recreate in every present moment in God and with each other, the beginnings of better, brighter and nobler things.
The question of evil leads one towards an understanding of the nature of human suffering - for the bearing of good things in our world require that we learn to recognize and love those things apart from the darkness of evil days. I understand that there is suffering in our world and that suffering being a universal human experience is a common reality to all human beings in this poor world. In our world, both good and evil things are established in suffering. There is no place in time or dimensional space within the reality of the human experience that allow for anything that is neither good nor evil in substance because not only will this make meaningless the reality of all human suffering, it also makes void any reason for the human being to attain the purpose of time itself which is to bring him or her towards a destiny appointed by the one timeless LORD of all time.
Lukewarm complacency with regard to the one whole sphere of all human undertaking is a betrayal of all the things that make us completely human. The one whole entirety of the human endeavor is all about our liberation from inhuman things and ever like the difference between hot or cold, lukewarmness especially among the knowing souls who are awake to this reality is a crime.
My understanding of human suffering recognizes that because evil has entered from faded Eden and has spread into our one whole habitation, as human beings, we experience the effects of this corruption as suffering - more to the point, we experience suffering because in our souls is an absence of a reality that we all need to address. And indeed, mankind through the ages has had different ways of dealing with this peculiar sense of brokenness.
As our souls only respond to the reality of good things, evil being naturally incomprehensible to the human soul who is not by its own collaboration completely taken by it, we suffer both because of the presence of evil in our poor world and because of the absence of meaningfulness in our souls.
As the entrance of evil into our reality is the cause of all human suffering, the restoration of the good is the reason by which all of this evil is allowed to endure. All things in this world, both good and evil, are established in suffering, it is how we chose to suffer that makes distinct the force of our own convictions. For evil things cause suffering as consequence and this consequence is a descendant gravity that pulls the soul into the darkness of itself. On the other hand, good things require suffering as sacrifice - sacrifice being the one path chosen by and revealed by the one Source of all good things, Love Itself.
Having said all of that, my darlingest, my conundrum is that the temptation that causes me to do drugs is a moment that during those times when I do fall, has completely over run my will often times without my notice - there is no deliberation often times as to the matter, I only awaken to the consequence it leaves behind. And when the drugs have had its effect on me, the more impaired my senses become as regards to those evil things that exist within its particularity as I experience it - mainly in those things of lust that I mentioned to you, my darlingest.
Its not that I admit to its evil, for I know it is evil, my darlingest, its just that the course of my own hope as regards to this may not yet have found its way back to God and that I still have much to learn in this regard. Oh yes, my darlingest, I do have hope in this regard - a lot, I hope to one day be completely drug-free.
You know, my darlingest, there is certain strength to be found in a community - I know I have your support as well as the support of others who by the grace of God has been provided for me, for my own sake - but a community that is in the world has its own unique merits, particularly in the way that it can create through abiding friendships, new paths leading out of seemingly insurmountable problems.
I have mainly been isolated and alone - and not that I feel isolated and alone, my darlingest, for I am never really alone, its just that I've been so nomadic in my life that I have never been able to plant any roots in any community - not even here. I do not know a lot of the people here in my own community who are not my own relatives or their close friends. My dad often asks me, do you know him or do you know her, that guy from here or that gal from there, and the answer oftentimes is no. I have never been outgoing in my youth to know that many people and I tend to stick to only a few friends who I consider to be real.
Notwithstanding all of this, my darlingest, my hope for peace remain, for as regards this, I do not need to know many people to keep this hope true, I only need to know that there are yet people who are true to their own sense of shared humanity.
The battles I fight from within my own soul are my own, and though it could do with many things and lots of help, in the course of my own hope, I must accept the things I have been given to endure the siege of sin until God with His saving grace relieves me. But indeed, the battles that must be fought in the field of our common human hopes rely first on our being able to attain to the hope of victory within ourselves - these things, though seemingly different, form the one reality that as a whole is the particular reality of our human experience. One can not deal with the things of our human world without first learning to deal with the things of our human heart.
For time itself issues forth from the soul of every man, its purpose being carried out into the reality of our world by the contents of every human heart - how then can one change the contents of our world without first making that same change within the self?
I continue on my darlingest, if there are yet many things I yet have to learn and understand, this I know for sure, I shall have to make a firm commitment to go to confession and restore myself to the communion of Holy Mother Church - that is always the first step to closing the door to this wickedness.
My darlingest, it is only to you that I can confide these things as most other people will only be inclined to either stigmatize or misconstrue the whole thing as if it were either below them or not at all important - and I don't blame them, so many bad things have been done because of drugs that the perception of many are inclined to believe that all addicts are the same. But I know that not all addicts are the same, there are a number who are just trapped and need help and one day, if God permits me, I might be able to work on that also. But I must first get out of this addiction. I am afraid of the consequences that this thing brings especially the financial outcomes which are always against my favor - I have obligations that I have to face and I would that I keep them. Something to remind me for next time.
I love you and thank you for always bearing with me.
Always to always,
Pusing
Time once lost can never be regained, my darlingest. After today, I shall attmept again to begin anew to live my hope of becoming drug-free - to be in permanent recovery.
Here are some reminders I have drawn for myself:
Confession. Prayers. Penance. Communion.
1. Call on my Lord when evil thoughts arises.
2. Flee from any thought about drugs.
3. There is greater promise in recovery - this is self-evident.
4. Get interested in other things - work, family, friends and Mother Church.
5. Learn to love those ordinary days, when things seem plain and routine, these are the days to appreciate blessings received (as opposed to those bad days).
6. Temperance in all things - food, drink and entertainment.
7. Make sacrifice for love of God and all good things, the sins that need shedding - specifically at this time - drug abuse, to make more room in the soul for the grace of better things.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
20081203
Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,
Darlingest, I'm feeling some pressure - I recently sent out an invite for a series of meditations about the season of Advent 2008 and its central message. Yang, I don't get much hits on my blog but I've been getting some hits about this one - one from Rome, my darlingest - and a lot (we'll "a lot" in the context of the few that I get) from America, India, the UK and my own Philippines, etc.
I already have the thoughts laid out - well, at least the structure of the whole thing. My goal is to lead the Christian soul towards a more profound realization of ITSELF as a vessel of the timeless Christian life - a life which embraces the hope of our Savior which is His peace - and the peace of Jesus Christ which embraces all in all, as a one whole one, without division and without exceptions save one - war and the sins of war or sins and the war of sins - both of these gravities descend towards the one end.
The first meditation, I have already delivered - a meditation on time and remembrance. The second one is to follow this Sunday which will be on the Human Soul - I already published a poem called "Walker of Worlds" which is basically a form of the meditation that we shall take this coming Sunday, the Second Sunday of Advent.
The third meditation will be about hope - human hope - to be exact - something which I have had much experience dealing with and meditating about. Human hope is a beautiful thing to know about, behold and understand - you know why, my darlingest - because it leads the human heart to an understanding of the love of neighbor which when taken up in the understanding of the faith soon become intertwined with the one love of the one Love of God in each and every soul, making those universes within ourselves alive and expansive with the awareness of the many everliving stars that make it so great.
The fourth and final meditation before Christmas will be about the Peace of Jesus Christ which is the total and absolute embodiment of Christian hope - a one hope that embrace and encompass all human hope in time and in dimensional space and brings it all up to the glory of God the Father which is the fulfillment of all the hope of creation.
On December 8, the feast of our Lady's Immaculate Heart, I'll also introduce the Rosary of Hope which is a special way of saying the Rosary of our Lady. I haven't had much practice on it yet seeing as it is a recent prayer which I have acquired from our Lady - unworthy, inconstant and filthy though I am - but I have already said it through a few times and have personally experienced some of the good things about this prayer - only some, mind you, my Miyang, as the more one learns to say it, the more one tends to become blessed with the fruits of its meditations. I would that I would first have to become really experienced with the experience of a prayer before I publish the instinctive words to prayer as feelings already condensed in my heart - especially, my personal prayers, but this Rosary I think is something I shall want to get good at with the rest of all of us who march under the banner of our Lady.
There, my darlingest, just some of my thoughts for today. Today is such a nice and cool December day that I think I shall just relax now, my darlingest Yang-yang Marie.
I love you, from always to always.
Yours,
Pusing
Darlingest, I'm feeling some pressure - I recently sent out an invite for a series of meditations about the season of Advent 2008 and its central message. Yang, I don't get much hits on my blog but I've been getting some hits about this one - one from Rome, my darlingest - and a lot (we'll "a lot" in the context of the few that I get) from America, India, the UK and my own Philippines, etc.
I already have the thoughts laid out - well, at least the structure of the whole thing. My goal is to lead the Christian soul towards a more profound realization of ITSELF as a vessel of the timeless Christian life - a life which embraces the hope of our Savior which is His peace - and the peace of Jesus Christ which embraces all in all, as a one whole one, without division and without exceptions save one - war and the sins of war or sins and the war of sins - both of these gravities descend towards the one end.
The first meditation, I have already delivered - a meditation on time and remembrance. The second one is to follow this Sunday which will be on the Human Soul - I already published a poem called "Walker of Worlds" which is basically a form of the meditation that we shall take this coming Sunday, the Second Sunday of Advent.
The third meditation will be about hope - human hope - to be exact - something which I have had much experience dealing with and meditating about. Human hope is a beautiful thing to know about, behold and understand - you know why, my darlingest - because it leads the human heart to an understanding of the love of neighbor which when taken up in the understanding of the faith soon become intertwined with the one love of the one Love of God in each and every soul, making those universes within ourselves alive and expansive with the awareness of the many everliving stars that make it so great.
The fourth and final meditation before Christmas will be about the Peace of Jesus Christ which is the total and absolute embodiment of Christian hope - a one hope that embrace and encompass all human hope in time and in dimensional space and brings it all up to the glory of God the Father which is the fulfillment of all the hope of creation.
On December 8, the feast of our Lady's Immaculate Heart, I'll also introduce the Rosary of Hope which is a special way of saying the Rosary of our Lady. I haven't had much practice on it yet seeing as it is a recent prayer which I have acquired from our Lady - unworthy, inconstant and filthy though I am - but I have already said it through a few times and have personally experienced some of the good things about this prayer - only some, mind you, my Miyang, as the more one learns to say it, the more one tends to become blessed with the fruits of its meditations. I would that I would first have to become really experienced with the experience of a prayer before I publish the instinctive words to prayer as feelings already condensed in my heart - especially, my personal prayers, but this Rosary I think is something I shall want to get good at with the rest of all of us who march under the banner of our Lady.
There, my darlingest, just some of my thoughts for today. Today is such a nice and cool December day that I think I shall just relax now, my darlingest Yang-yang Marie.
I love you, from always to always.
Yours,
Pusing
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