20081129A

Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

I've had some sleep now, my darlingest. I feel relieved the more normal things get with me.

With my drug abuse, my darlingest - you know, I am not happy about any of my relapses - I just want to let you know, my love. My mood is brilliant when I know that I am sober and pure in heart and mind - but my darlingest, with drugs, with methamphetamine, I feel at the least somber, sometimes, I feel completely disgusted, sometimes I feel so isolated, but deep inside of me there is always this feeling that I would kick myself in the behind if I could - stupid. stupid. stupid. I observe myself, and when I do write about things in my heart, I know that these are separate things - there is an indivisible wall that separates what is evil and what is good in my soul and they never mix together. I do not have good desires because of evil things nor am I motivated to attain to the good because of the evil that I see, my darlingest.

I do not like to write about things going on around myself but my darlingest, sometimes, I just wish I could disappear into our place in M31 and just be there with you. Nobody understands me, my love, nobody here understands me - sometimes I get told that I am stupid, crazy, weird, out-of-place, insane, because I am quite open about some of truths of my interior life like you - my darlingest, as I am a proud friend of yours, I tend to let people know - I guess they just tolerate me but sometimes I get told that its stupid, etc. I don't really care. My spirituality also - the fact that I am personal with Jesus and with Mama Mary, that I am intimate with the Intimate, all of these give me much reason to rejoice - especially when I am hurt or told bad things about the things I truly hold dear in my heart.

I love them, though, my darlingest. And if I could only make them feel what it feels like to have all of these - it would make them happier, I am certain, it would really rock their universe out. But I am also careful to obey the Gospel counsel to be careful about the sharing of spiritual gifts because there are some people who will be from indifferent to downright nasty about it. And so, my darlingest, most of my most significant thoughts I put down on my weblog - advertise them never - and let Providence act on them - so that if they are not in accords with the Divine will, they will not really get far - but if they are - then, God will do with me as He wills. But I do not put down all of my thoughts, my darlingest, there are some things I can never, ever put down - I wouldn't know how to or its too personal to be shared with anyone else. Like your promise to me, my love, there are some things which I will never put down - ever. But mostly, I can't put things down because they are not there - like this prayer I have for some time now wanted to write for Blessed Jacinta - you know how much I love Blessed Jacinta Marto, my darlingest, I really haven't spoken much about her but I've received feedback from my weblog sometime back saying that it would be nice to compose a litany for Jacinta - I agreed. I love litanies because they allow you to see details that allow you to become more familiar and therefore, more close to say, our Lord, Jesus Christ, or Mama Mary - but try as I might, the words won't come - I know the format of the prayer and I know the theme but the prayer just won't come.

Yang, you know, one of the biggest problems in this world of the present time where I am, is war. Maybe it would be more appropriate for me to capitalize the "w" and say "War" - in the proper term which signifies specificity.

In the lingo of the news media of our nations, this problem - or a symptom of it - is called, "terrorism". Right this very moment, there is a major incident in India, in Mumbai where some armed militants wreaked havoc by attacking hotels and indiscriminately targeting civilians. It is incomprehensible to the human soul, this kind of hatred - I know, my love, because I have a human soul and it does not understand it, absolutely has no place for it within itself - I personally know it is incomprehensible, and I know that millions feel the same way. I know you do, my darlingest, having yourself suffered much, my darlingest, I remember how I was so very, very careful about many things with you way back when our hearts were new to each other - we had to discover for ourselves the things we are familiar with in each other today - and of course, God in His own time, works to purify and concentrate the love in our friendship and I can say now that we have gone really far - yes, I can more clearly understand the line of the Tina Arena song just now, my darlingest Miyang Marie, we have gone - well, not far, but have grown closer quite significantly, huh? It's true.

Well, anyway, I do not like the word, "terrorism", my love, because it masks the real threat - War - is the problem - War with a capital W. Terrorist actions that indiscriminately inflict violent force against civilian targets for various reasons, not one of them military - is an offense not only to the sensibilities of the human soul, by extension, we could easily say that this offense extends also to the holy angels - who are custodians of sacred life - to the Saints of God whose hopes on earth remain with the dreaming of the people - and the our LORD Himself to Whom all sacred life on the inhabited earth completely belongs to - all animals, all plants and most especially, every individual human being who has ever walked, is walking, or shall ever walk this world - belong to our LORD - life here, I have always maintained, is a probation in love, an exile from love, a confession of love, a witness to love and is therefore, possessed by no one but God Who IS LOVE. It does not take a lot of effort for me to know how offended our LORD is when all these things happen - if it can affect human souls who in their finite natures carry in it an infinite capacity to love and to be loved, imagine the infinite nature of God, how our LORD feels, how our God must feel. Just because our LORD chooses to be quiet for a season doesn't mean He doesn't feel these things, and just because God is quiet does not mean things like murder, especially the murder of our innocents, is ever, ever, ever right or even remotely permissible - for all things that apply itself here from the Wisdom of our LORD in eternity, apply at all times, apply in all places - and are as changeless and immovable as the Truth where which these laws draw potent issue, and as such derive their active and constant ability to promulgate itself within the soul of the human being for if the soul of man knows these things to be offensive, it is because man was prior informed by the Justice of God in the golden realms of the heaven of God's eternity.

But it is not the knowing soul, aware of its own truth, that carries out these indiscriminate attacks against our innocents, it is the unknowing, the unwilling or the willful - and of the three, only the latter deserve the full force of our military arms - in time, here on this inhabited earth and in the void of the angels, outside of this inhabited earth, the hosts of the LORD march unseen, arrayed and awaiting the command of the one Sovereign of all sacred life and the one Holy Sustainer of all universes, seen and unseen. Man upon his passing away from this world will pass through a cleansing of fire even before he or she is consumed by the fire of felicity and behold in his face the Love of God in eternity or the fire of ignominy and be forsook to the rage of Satan and all his demons and reprobates in hell. For the soul of man is grounds inviolable and must needs be proven - nor will our LORD reach out with His power - in order to condemn those who by their own sin have condemned themselves, for God does not condemn, sins condemn, God loves, creates, sustains, cherishes, preserves and fulfills - God restores, God liberates and God justifies - but condemnation does not come from our LORD, condemnation comes from the soul of man who by its willful sin have in its own universe replaced the one everliving Sustainer of all universes, seen and unseen, with an idol of stone.

The history of our LORD's actions in the world have always proven God to be a jealous God, and so our LORD is a jealous God - but only because God is a God of Love - just as much as to those who forsook Him, God shall become for them, their one single regret in hell - to those who embrace Him, God shall become for them, the fulfillment of all their wandering, and the realization of things beyond the pale of their most glorious imaginations - for to those who love Him with a love that is true, even despite of their misgivings, God guards jealously.

"Terrorism" is a symptom of a global pandemic - a paradigm of conflict, a spirit of devouring, a beast of War - this beast is a destroyer of nations - former angels entrusted with the care of communities, corrupted principalities who were one given the charge of nations entire who now burning with a relentless fire of an undying hatred for all living communities, human, animal or plant and all living communions (in exile time), human and angelic and/or human and divine (grace) - but since the stewardship of mankind is the key to our inhabited earth, it shall be the nations - as instruments of human stewardship of God's visible creation - that shall be at the heart of their burning hatred - and so, I went back to the message at Fatima, for it was there were the signs were manifested - thus, no other signs shall be made manifest - only choice - choice and their consequence - the conclusion of Fatima should inform the souls of those who know - and the light of things meant for the benefit of other lights should inform the souls of those who must awaken to the firmament - as the numberless stars of our Father Abraham who with the righteous souls of the world are commissioned by necessity of the times - therefore by Divine Providence - to establish and preserve the order of the one family of the nations of mankind. And shield the people of the world from the looming threat of War that shall surely arrive as like an illness, it is already manifesting its symptoms - of which "terrorism" is but one.

Even for the secular minded person, the utility of the nations as shelter and solace from the hostile darkness of the unknown earth must hold some promise - and so this is a matter not for the exclusive concern of religions, this is a human issue and so therefore, the consequences also shall bear its necessary weight of evils against human realities - but it is here where the application of religion draws its greatest nobility - for the honor of all religions rely on their ability to contribute to the improvement of the state of man in exile time and there has never been a time where this is possible but now - most especially for the numberless stars of our Father Abraham who now lies at the threshold of a choice whether to remain in the darkness of the past with war or turn away from the darkness of the past and begin now the honorable striving for peace, in the Name of the LORD, on behalf of our shared humanity, and in defense of the one family of the nations of mankind.

O numberless Stars of Father Abraham, know you now that the honor of our one God is entrusted to our hope and our ability to deliver on this promise shall have significant bearing on the lasting shape of things to come. Time to redeem from the darkness of the past, our sense of direction, and turn away from the darkness of this midnight world, let us complete our remembrances of the one peace, bring forward our hopes into the now and advance together with faith eastwards, into the dawn, unto the LORD, unto the one whole one.
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You see, my Miyang, some things that I do, I do not because I know why but because I must, because I care, because I love.

I have work again tonight. What I love about my work is the satisfaction of knowing that I've helped someone connect to someone - its always so nice to know that I've helped make someone happier - even for just a little bit. Also, it is good to feel the satisfaction of work - it is good to earn from something that gives you satisfaction. I know we both jive on our viewpoints as regards to work - my problems with drugs at times affect my work like in my last work - but that is a separate issue, my darlingest, from the ethics that we both believe in.

Of course, we can't always be the same, my darlingest - what makes you unique enriches me and what sets me apart from you only makes you more beautiful for just being yourself - I know you completely disagree with the bad things I do - like my drug abuse - but I also completely agree with your disagreement - drugs are bad - its that you've stayed with me for this long that really mystifies me - there are numberless people, all of them belonging to this stretch of time and this sense of place, that have come and gone, but you stayed, my darlingest, you stayed and made all of my dreaming possible - probable - you stayed and I became a better person, closer to God and closer to God's creation, you stayed and I never again was afraid to love, or be hurt because of love - the world will never know how much I love you, my darlingest.

Tomorrow is the first Sunday of Advent, my darlingest. I have a commitment on my blog to do some meditations about the meaning of the Christmas season - my goal is to renew in people's hearts, the hope of the season - renew it by giving them a perspective on time and remebrance, first - I have written it out already and just need to proof read it tomorrow.

Also, my darlingest, the world right now is in a financial crisis - of course, I care about this, too. But this, too, is symptomatic of the same problem - I have thought about the financial crisis and since I never talk about money, I really did not have a viewpoint and so I had to acquire one - you see, money to me is a by-product and not a product, I know - because of you, my darlingest, to strive for happiness - and money is a by-product of this striving. Now, I am not a rich person in terms of money, my darlingest, and I admit the financial world does not interest me as much as the immaterial world but I have realized these two realms form one human reality and this is a peculiarity that is proper only to our being human.

Our stewardship as human beings extend to both seen and unseen realms that for our own being as a whole appear to our total sense of awareness to form one seamless reality - but they are not really seamless - our experience of time, its flow and our movements herein, form a boundary that separates our physical existence with our spiritual existence in the soul - these two halves that make our being whole makes us human only insofar as this experience of reality is peculiar to our awareness - where the soul and the body separated, either the soul or the body can be said to be a complete human being - we were created to inhabit this specific reality which is our habitation and that is the whole of the visible universe AND the universes within each and every human soul - one should never think that the soul is anything close to the properties and limits that our bodies have - our souls are not human bodies nor are they created in the shape of human bodies nor are they contained within the body as if imprisoned - these lines of thinking directly impacts the way in which the soul is made manifest to the reality of itself because these faculties of realization belongs to and is proper not to the body but to the soul.

Having said all of that, the financial crisis - something I once thought was furthest from the problem, I have now realized to be another symptom of the same problem - you see, War and the spirit that animates it thrives on opposition for reasons we already know - another thing about War is that it has its center of gravity in the spiritual realms, therefore, the soul of man, not informed of its own reality - neither shielded nor aided by the power of God - is vulnerable to think itself into void - it would think it does not exist where in fact, it is itself thinking of itself - a soul turned into the darkness like this means that the awareness of the human being in the reality of our habitation is aware only of the physical dimension of the totality which comprise the whole of the human habitation which was from our creation intended for our growth and maturation in God, in each other and with the angels in their own realm - now, after the fall of Lucifer and his hosts, the angelic realm is the void of angels, a source of conflict - and the human soul exists in the void of angels - bear in mind the timeless nature of the finite and the infinite - that the infinite realms of the heaven of God's eternity is distinct from the timeless but finite realms originally intended as the natural habitation of the angels - which after the fall of Lucifer - is become the void of angels - in our human reality, this is manifest each moment we are tempted in our souls - by sources other than physical or corporeal - the war in heaven finds neither location nor bearing here in our own reality, it is where it manifests action - therefore, were a soul unaware of this, its guidance of the whole human person would leave the physical dimension vulnerable to the entrance of evils that are not proper to this place. Such have wars thrived and entire nations been annihilated, but the past is such that it leads us to the reality of present things - and bearing in mind that time itself is an instrument of God - free from evils that find its origin in the void and entrance in the heart of man, we may certainly trust to our sacred remembrances to lead us to the truth of things and that time itself shall soon reveal for us the purpose for which time is begun. Of this, we can be absolutely sure - time will end and all who are good, who love the good and belong to the good, will be well enough for it. That should give firm anchor to our hope that evil though the days may be, evil is proper only to itself, neither time nor good things, neither our sacred dead nor the souls of those who are good have their belongings with evil - we only have to keep ourselves separate, keep true to our own good, be thankful for the good, recognize the good in others and know where to defend and when to defend the life of our shared humanity - for the ultimate defeat of evil itself and of war itself can only be effected by the power of Almighty God, our labor is for each other and for each other's good as complete individuals, wholes upon wholes, from our families, to our communities, to our nations, to our local regions, to our regions, to our continents, and to our one planetary whole - we shall labor now a labor hope and shed our tears not for ourselves but for those who are yet without hope, we shall labor to establish for this world, the one family of the nations of mankind - for the sake of those generations to come. Only in this way shall the evils symptomatic of the problem be arrested and the wrath of evil days to come be deflected - by our dreaming together, as the numberless Stars of our Father Abraham, and as the one family of the nations of mankind.
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I love you, my Miyang. I'm going to rest now. I still have to work later on tonight.

Always to always,

Pusing