20081110

Dear Darlingest Annelies Marie,

It's been a bit since my last update so here goes.

I'm happy, dear darlingest! I'm happy because I've managed (with all your help, of course) to stave off the temptations and the urges to do any more drugs. I have to admit all the paternal admonitions that our good LORD has laid upon my poor, happy self has prepared me for the worst. The temptations to do any more drugs seem weaker now compared to what punishment I know Father has in store for me if I disobey. Besides that, you and Mama Mary have extracted a promise from me as well - and both of you I love very, very dearly. This promise also stands as a counterpoint to my own selfish desires because it seems sweeter to me to please you and Mama Mary more than to see me indulge in some self-destructive behavior as drug abuse. It is like what St. Paul has said, all things work out for the good for those who serve the LORD.

Another bright spot in my life right now is my job. Anyway, the job has it's demands (what job doesn't, my darlingest) but it also has it's rewards - mostly the friends that I make and the people that I help connect with other people. The job takes a high volume of calls per shift but takes home no stress whatsoever after shift. Good enough for me, my love. I know my primary occupation here in this world and the rest shall follow.

Oh, I've resolved to write for you, my darlingest, 1575 haikus in the format that I have created for myself to commemorate - of course - our friendship but the 1575 is to commemorate your 15.75 years spent in this poor world of ours. This labor is sweet - sweet like the promise I made to you and Mama Mary.

Well, let me tell you about the dream that gave me the impression of this promise. This is probably the most vague dream of all - hard to describe, my love, so bear with me. I had the impression of Mama Mary standing in front of me - but I can only see her feet - and an angel was in front of her. Then I had the impression of me taking drugs - the one drug that I take which is methamphetamine - and then this sunken feeling overcame me, a feeling that I've completely failed somehow. And then a resolution - NOT to fail - and then - very vaguely - you, my love, my darlingest Annelies Marie. And that's the dream. You see, these dreams are significant IF they stay with me. Or else, I forget them like much of my yesterdays. I can only carry so much information in my head, you know, my darlingest. That's why I don't memorize so much jokes - a disadvantage when trying to meet with women - because I don't have room for much jokes in my head. I have one or two and that's about it, my Miyang - you know it. I'm mostly carried aloft by your cheerfulness more than anything else, my darlingest. You make me smile and when I can almost see your smile - right close to me, it seems to me like the whole world smiles with you.

OK, today is Monday - yesterday is Sunday. My good friend from HSBC invited me over to her Baptist Church anniversary and so to accommodate her request I made sure I attended the Saturday anticipated mass with my cousin and my grandmother to have much of Sunday clear as I have to travel to Carmona, Cavite.

I am excited of course to hear anything said about my most loving Jesus and I know in my heart as well that I'm committed enough to my Mother Church not to allow anything to disturb my interior peace. As a matter of fact, I wanted to come there not only as a friend to my friend but also as a brother to my separated brother and sisters in the Lord. It is after all in keeping with the charism of my community.

Now, the service went well, and as I have had experience before with the general outline of Protestant services having been with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for a season in my own past life, I was not at all surprised when the service lasted for close to three hours. I could have spent the whole day in corporate worship if it had lasted that long and it all would seem to me like a minute long. I mean, I was at times sleepy, but that's the condition of my body and not my soul. I have sleep apnea which causes me to be sleepy but in my body only, mind you.

Everything went well until the last 30 minute stretch when first of all, the pastor likened my Mother Church to the Roman soldier who pierced the side of our Lord with a lance - Longinus. It would have been all well and good if he had also mentioned that Longinus converted to the religion of Jesus Christ after the aforementioned act but his motives were clearly to bedevil my Holy Mother Church - as if to discourage me from my love for the Beautiful Bride of Jesus Christ, he tried to uglify the Roman Church. He said he was formerly a Catholic and that now he's a Baptist and that basically that my Mother Church sucks. He did violence to my faith. They had me fill out a visitor's slip which asked me what religion I followed which I gladly filled out "Roman Catholic Christian".

And then that pastor called out those who wished to be "saved" to the front at which time a person from that church sat next to me to "share" with me some passages from the Holy Bible. This person seem to be operating from the assumption that as a Roman Catholic I was clueless as regards to my own Christianity and tried his darndest, my love, to persuade me with veiled words and isolated Biblical passages taken out of context that I read to mean simply that I must convert to their own brand of Christianity or else. Well, I turned all his arguments around on his ears and even though he was truly committed to doing violence to my own faith, I restrained myself from doing violence to his - I knew full well I could bring his own doctrine into confusion but that would also hurt my friend and I am loyal to all my friends. In the end, I asked us to rely on prayer and to pray for each other. He had this dissatisfied look on his face and I felt the warmth of his friendliness fled after he realized he could not turn me or budge me one inch. And this guy, I heard from my friend, is training to be a pastor.

The Holy Spirit of our LORD works in ways I can never comprehend which is good for all who at the very least possess a heart of good will and I don't care what religion a person is from, the Spirit of God animates the hearts of all good men. And I know I can quite definitely leave the rest to the LORD while leaving the good of my own friend squarely in my own keeping. So where I would have completely walked out of that church for mentioning something dishonorable about my Mother Church in my presence - and for motives that are questionable as well, I did not; where I could have traded violence with violence in an argument I know I could win against someone who disrespects my Catholic faith enough to presuppose that all Catholics are clueless, I did not; because my friend is a beautiful human being - loved by God the same with all the beautiful for being beheld by Him.

And you too, my darlingest is beautiful as you are - as you are, my love, not as I would like you to be - but as you are.

Well, my darlingest, that's my update.

I love you.

Always to always,

Pusing