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Dearest Miyang Marie,

Last night was trying, I went to work with little rest - a consequence of those recent sins of drug abuse - but it all went well, my love. I prayed my Rosary with Mama Mary and of course, I knew you came along, also. You kept me, my dear darlingest, the grace that saw me through, it was all you.

Now, I am committed - for all the love that I felt - to closing the door to this relapse with discipline and will over the coming days. I want to get my finances back in order, my dear darlingest - especially for next year when I plan to settle all the debts that I owe from family and with HSBC.

At the same time, I want to make little improvements on my wardrobe and also on some other things - perhaps do some aikido in a dojo somewhere. Also, I want to get Christmas present for some people. All of these require that I re-establish my sense of temperance back in my life so that temperance may establish its own order upon the material forces that make good my labor and align my possessions towards more worthwhile things. And so drug addiction must go into permanent recovery, my darlingest, and I am hopeful, too, that we shall with God's grace be able to do this - hopeful that this time, it shall be for good.

Of course, I need to go to confession - my sacramental life is vital to my overall spiritual health - I need to return to my Lord in Holy Communion, I've been tearing up every time I go to Mass seeing all those people receive my most loving Jesus while I go hungry. Also, my first Saturday mass obligation to Mama Mary is coming up again this December - I want to complete that five month requirement hopefully before my next schedule change. I've been barely going by with just Sunday masses and without the Eucharist, too.

Why did I go for close to five months without confession, my love, I don't really know if it was the right thing to do but having to summon up the right sense of contrition and those set resolutions with the Holy Spirit over and over and over made me feel as if I was offending God more if I go to confession just for the sake of knowing that I have gone to confession and that I have a clean conscience, I want to form and inform commitment on a gut level and never have to feel like I am going into any kind of sacramental contract with my most loving Savior, my Capital grace, half-baked and unconvinced that I shall be able to do with the grace He merited for me - at such a cost - what He intends for me. There are risks, of course, but I never did feel like I was shunning the sacraments, I was just being careful in the discernment of my intentions, especially about my own sacramental life with God - for the accounting of these, I am very much aware. And I will not, I will never, make void the Precious Blood that gave me new life.

Over the past few days, I felt love, my darlingest, and love is to be responded to with love - and so I shall with hopes refreshed, do this - for the Kingdom - for the LORD - knowing that in the one Communion, my good bring joy to all just as my sin bring sorrow to all - and the same with everybody - sancta sanctis - that is what its all about. And you, my dear darlingest, as you have always done, saw me through it all.

I love you, my dear, darlingest Annelies Marie.

Always to always,

Pusing