20100815

Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

Why?

I once asked God in prayer why can't He just make things all better for me, my love. I asked God why must I have to put up with all these seemingly persistent, never-ending frustrations and difficulties of my recovery. Why can't He make things better for me?

For recovery takes hard work, my Anne. It's not just about quitting drugs - that's really just the surface appearance of things. To the newbie recovering addict or to the uninitiated, it might seem like a very simple thing to ask an addict to make the choice to quit or to just continue on using. But recovery is deeper than it looks.

Recovery is initially all about making that big, life-defining choice to quit using. Because the first choice is the wrong choice and everything else is the choice of the addiction. This initial choice is almost always forced upon an addict when he or she "bottoms out".

But the real work of recovery begins, my darling, after that initial choice to quit using. Because what constitutes the real work of recovery is about making those little everyday decisions that allow me to uproot bad behavior and strengthen good ones; choices that seem invisible to the rest of the world.

Recovery both implicitly as well as explicitly requires that necessary exercise of virtue and the art of its grace. Because the essence of recovery is really all about re-learning to live my life aright once again - slowly but surely - without the use of drugs or the inclination to seek the false "high" of drugs.

And this takes hard work indeed, my Miyang - vigilant, anonymous work.

So I asked God one day, my love, and He replied to me - "my dearest child, if I take away your choices, then you would cease to be you, and it is you that I love and nothing else but."

Recovery is all about freedom, my darling. If God takes away that freedom, what's the point?

And it's not like I have no help in my recovery, my love. I just have to remain vigilant in my heart of hearts. I just have to know what and who I love above all. And that that's no longer drugs. As long as I am certain of this, my Anne, I know by the grace of God, I shall continue on recovering.

I have you, and that matters a heck of a lot to me.

---<--@

I love you.

Always to always,

=^.^=

"My dreams came true

when I found you,

I found you,

my miracle...

If you could see what I see -
you’re the answer to my prayers.
And if you can feel
the tenderness I feel,
you would know
it would be clear
that angels brought me here."

Angels Brought Me Here - La Diva