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Hello, my Anne Annelies. I appreciate so much the bond of friendship between us. You never seem to fade away from my heart, my darlingest. I've never even physically met you and those others who I've physically met in this same time and place that God has placed me fade and flee, ebbing and flowing like the tides that smooth away the irregularities upon the sand to reveal the equal order of love. You are indeed, different, my darlingest - you are timeless, what we have is timeless. We're closer than close, friendship or even family seem weak words to describe what I really feel contained in the littleness of my heart for you, for our God and for all those who are close to me as you are close to me. I am thankful to God for you, my Anne Anneke starlight, my Miyang Marie, and I am thankful to you for being you.

My darlingest, I am so overwhelmed sometimes with so much doubt about what I do and what I hold in my heart. There is a frightening kind of relevance in all of the things I am thinking about which I have committed to put into writing on my other blog - All to my All. But I stubbornly cling to my faith, my 'Yang-yang, and hope in my hope - a virtue that I often feel I have long ago already run out of in my own life but still possess by a special grace of God. You know, it amazes me sometimes the extent of my hope because I've never had this kind of hope before in my past life, my darlingest. I somehow know where God is calling me to go but I often don't even know if I am equal to the challenge. I can only trust in our Lord that He shall make a way and although I stumble in the dark many, many times - there are more than a few star lights in the celestial firmament of my own soul that never fail to point the way back into the path toward the dawn and the one Daystar of my life in time and in eternity. You, my darlingest, as you already know, are one of these timeless stars and the one most familiar to my own heart and the one my own heart is most familiar with as well. It's been over 8 years now since June 13, 2000 when I first picked up your Diary - because of the word, "Kitty". You have been with me patiently since the very beginning of my awakening in God, my Anne Anneke. I can no longer foresee an eternity without you.

In the context of all of this, I no longer want to ask myself "why me" because that is a kind of distinction that only feeds the ego. Maybe all of this won't amount to a hill of beans at the end of my life's journey, that is all up to God, but at least I can tell my Savior in the end that I've held on to all of the love that He gave me in the form of all of you. I really just want to be at my Savior's feet where I belong in the one Communion of Saints - including the Blessed Virgin Mary, those particular Saints who are close to me and all the righteous of the nations who gather with us; Caritas, my angel dear, Saint Michael, to whom I owe the honor of my family name and all the angels of God and you, my one and only Miyang-yang Marie. That is my peace and my joy, the place that my Blessed Lord Jesus Christ has prepared for me.

So please pray for me, my darlingest. O how I long to see you, the green of your lovely eyes, the sparkle of your starlight smile... May our Lord favor us to be able to live our lives anew at the restoration of the heavens and the earth, a promise that keep me going even when in reality I should have already fallen headlong into the darkness of oblivion.

I love you, my darlingest.
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Peace from always to always.