20090416

Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

Let me tell you, my love, about a dream I've had a few days before the personally very memorable Easter triduum of 2009. I've had a few other dreams, at least those ones that stayed with me, that I haven't yet mentioned but this particular one I should like to put down here because within this dream was you, my darlingest dear.

It was a terrible dream, my love, it was seen from a first person perspective; there was this very prominent list of atrocities that was listed according to their heinousness and their frequency was from the most heinous to the least most inhuman act. The setting of it all although I am not able to see any correlation with historical fact with the elements of this dream felt like it was back in WWII and the Holocaust, my darlingest dear. There was what felt to me like a scene from Bergen Belsen in the middle of the night and there were people, civilians - men, women and children, being thrown whole by men in uniform into this smoking hole in the ground. The thick, white smoke that came from that hole in the ground did not feel like the smoke of a fire but the smoke of poison gas, my darlingest dear. I have this vestigial (or "faint", perhaps "vestigial" is not the right word to use) memory of a scene before that scene that was a scene in the day of the Bergen Belsen camp that was out of context with the proceeding scene of people being thrown alive into a pit because this scene was serene and gave me a sense of wonder, like a dream come true. Anyway, I was witnessing in shock and horror all of the things that was happening in front of my face, there was no sound to the dream, only the terrible feeling that came from this appalling vision in gray scale. This scene from Bergen Belsen seems to occupy a position on the aforesaid list that was quite high on the scale; at the top of the list is something to be carried out at least twice a year. I wanted so much for that vision to end. I felt powerless and an increasing sense of panic grew within me that wanted very much to get away from there and then the scene was replaced by a vision of you, smiling to me like a star in the night; like a safe harbor for my heart amidst all that darkness, beautiful life amidst all this death.

You know, I have never seen a vision of you in a dream like this before, my love - you were well, so very well.

Religious tolerance and an understanding of differences - harmony across all honorable religions of the world - a better, kinder, brighter, nobler world for all men, women and children of our shared humanity - the things of our peace - a home away from Home for all of our one family of nations - these are the things I want to build with you, my love, and this dream speaks to me of the vital importance of not remaining silent - of not allowing those tyrannies that creep into the life of our peoples to take root and mature in the soil of our nations and of evil things to persist in the soul of each our endeavors of Country - because their fruits are not the fruits that our LORD intends from our native belongings to each other, as one human being to another human being - born upon this world of common places and common things and called upon by each our life to tread upon different paths of the one common belonging to life; being by our loneliness called by our longing for God and for Country to arrive by our togetherness, as a scale of wholes upon greater wholes, at a one common destiny - a one whole one where in between the limitless economy of our wholes are those distinctly personal spaces where we find out who we are as each ourselves, but all the rest, my love, is a one timeless, seamless friendship in and with God and each other in God - ascended nations, my love, divinely perfected from our understanding of an imperfect peace.

When I go to our local mall, I am always drawn to the ice skating rink, you know. I see you there, my love, giggling with your friends and I dream of my hope with you of one day being able to share the experience of the ice with you, my bestest, most purrritiest, most cutsiest of friends, in a setting that far outstrips the vague colors of the dreams we are able to dream in this present time. There are colors that are not yet even present in and to this world, my love, for the entire spectrum of life is not yet reflected here and so the experience of living is infinitely dulled, for all of us, suffering humanity, who are present herewith, because present here with us is the great lie of sin and the enveloping darkness that evil things create from it and with it.

Out of all of this I have fashioned a vision for my, our - Philippines, my love - for you share it with me as well, the eternal Philippines - one dream from among all of that dreaming of Country that must now finally begin to awake in my nation and in all of our nations of the one family of the nations of Mankind.

I can not emphasize enough the consequences - a regret that shall be felt by all nations - of any failure to ascend with the ascent of the wholes. For War shall sift through our nations like wheat and our one whole planet is at stake. But peace will prosper the people, repair our broken world and bring rest and rejuvenation to our wounded nations.

We will begin to flesh out the path that shall guide my, well - our people - with you (and indeed, all the true scions of humanity belong to the one family - the one Covenant family of nations) to the necessary and meaningful peace and the vision of our eternal Philippines, my love - indeed, there is so much to do, so much to do - and from here we shall extend our hope and assistance (as far are we could and as much as we are able) to all peoples of good will who shall ever need it while time is yet a flow and our hope yet stays aglow and God-willing, my love, while our LORD still yet allows it.

Yesterday, my love, was Hermeowne's birthday - I know it's misspelled, my darlingest dear, and mispronounced or its it really? And yes, I took her name to prayer with us, yesterday.

I love you, my love. I have to go for now.

Always to always,

Pusing

20090407

Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

You know, our LORD daily provides me with things that seem to confirm the movements of His will in my little life, my love. Those things that seem to overwhelm me with the force of their reality, that our LORD is truly, the one God of all creation and that upon our God's glory rests the hope of all living life.

I never seem to be bereft of reasons not to seek, love and serve our LORD God, the one triune Perfection (of Christian revelation) and the one God of my heart and to bless His Holy Name. For in spite of all the things that are dark in this world, there is indeed hope in the reality of our LORD.

All Christian revelation sprung from the wondrous Gospel of my Lord Jesus Christ, my love, is a marvelous thing and a Divine work of human hope. I can understand why evangelical Christians are eager to profess these shining truths, most especially - and I earnestly hope - those that are able to withstand the limits of our differences, of our common Christian faith. And they should, indeed, we all should.

However, faith and hope are two different things and though they both profess in substance to a witness of truths unseen, to confuse them is not profitable in the labors for which the ultimate purpose of Salvation history is founded upon which is the complete and absolute liberation of the one whole totality of human experience from all evil and this accomplished through the redemption of Mankind from the tyranny of sin: Peace to all men of good will.

The past is prologue to the things we are asked by God to build today and we are now come to a point in exile time where war among us shall no longer do, my love. It is time to speak to needful Mankind, our hope.

I we can not learn to trust in the good things we can see, we will never be able to follow the will of our unseen LORD Who is the one Light of our nations, changeless and eternal. And it is now, my love, in this midnight dark, perceived by those who are called to the quickening of the times, that our nations are in need of this Light, this one Light, this one peace.

My native Philippines, in much need of repair, the same with the many nations of our needful world, my love, must be able to follow this one Light eastward, to the morning of the new. It is the only way out of this midnight dark. There is so much to do for Country and it shall not be easy but these are things worth doing, and they are no longer impossible where we to apply ourselves to the promise to which we are called, my beloved compatriots - friends, one and all.

What am I, in the context of all of this, sweeping motion, my love, what am I...? I am troubled, a wretch, yet I am also eager for what good I know will come for my native Philippines and for all the good nations of our needful Mankind; bereft of peace, lacking in truth, badly broken and near exhausted by the ravages of war but never without hope, my love, hope in our shared humanity and this, our common hope ennobles me, making me more human in myself and less of what I am not and never was intended to be.

My dear Filipinos, all of you who love this, our one nation of the Filipinos, young, old, rich, poor, middle class, and all past into present hope - let us understand, here and now, that there never was any real divide between our one people, there can never be two eternal Philippines for we, from least to greatest, are but one nation spread across all the generations of Country - let us each move to complete in our hearts our remembrances of the peace, one with another, for we have much to do to secure for ourselves and our posterity the real, shining promise of this great land of the morning, for this great land of the morning, my friends, it shall appear. So believe in it, again - together.

And let us apply ourselves to this common hope of better, kinder and nobler things.

I have to go for now, my darlingest dear.

I love you.

Always to always,

Pusing

20090328

Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

Some of my thoughts seem hard to apprehend this morning, my love. I know they are there and what they are but they seem difficult (or even impossible) to express at this time. Probably because it's the weekend, my darlingest dear.

I love the people at work. You said in your diary that work brings satisfaction and that is so true, my love. My work and the people who work with me have served to enrich my experience of life and the timeless remembrance of these moments add to the sheer beauty of this path that we take together as one Country under the eternal vigilance of Almighty God; the one Republic of the Philippines - faithful to God and to each other.

When the realization of the immensity of the task set before our hope of Country sets heavily upon my mind, I look to these moments spent, here in this time and place, with each and every unique human person whose soul comes into contact with mine, and all of these, our timeless coming together never fails to refresh my hope that the Filipino dream of freedom and absolute liberation from evil is neither false nor fleeting but is a promise not only real and achievable but is near fulfillment in every Filipino who believes again that this dream is something worth having together, as I do, my love, as I do.

Because my conviction sets again like steel every time the Almighty blesses my heart to see the inherent competence and perceive the virtue that is present in each and every citizen of this, our land of the morning, that share with me those timeless moments of Country - and I am grateful, my love, I am grateful, because then I know that beyond the darkness of the corruption and the evils that plague my people, there is the reality of those good things in ourselves upon which we must again return. And then I know that this endeavor of Country is true, however difficult and immense the task may seem ahead of us, and that our eternal Philippines is a dream that, if we shall all come together as one nation, distinct among a great Covenant family of nations, shall one day awaken to God in eternity.

Ang Taong Bayan and Tunay na Kaymanan nang ating Bansa.

Mabuhay and Pilipino!

Kapayapaan sa Sambayanang Pilipinas!

Let the weekend begin! It's going to be great.

I love you, my Miyang - you and I, we're a unit.

Always to always,

Pusing

20090313

Dear darlingest Annelies Marie,

I've never felt so personally affected by the death of an artist, a poet, a fellow compatriot and a giver of gifts than I am of Francis Magalona, my love. His were the songs that begun to challenge the addiction in my life as well as initiated the question in me, perhaps unconsciously, of who I am as a Filipino patriot and a citizen of this inhabited earth.

Of course, I could name other great Filipino poets and artists, compatriots and givers of gifts that, in retrospect of the great impact of their life and art in me, bear great influence in my life but we are talking here, my love, in solemn spirit of the life and dreams, love and song of a particular one, our Kiko or Francis M.

I have never felt my Country grieve though I know that she had wept before. For I was asleep: My beloved Philippines never had revealed to me the depth of our sorrow than when this one native son of hers, a brother to me, flew from her bosom, toward God, to await with countless other heroes, the awakening of our dreams together, reborn and ascended forever as our one and only Eternal Philippines.

So go with God, Kiko. I actually texted that to 143, you know, my love. Please take care of our mutual friend, ok, my Miyang.

My recent incident with drug abuse has caused me to falter from the vision we were pursuing, my love, the clarity of things seem dulled and it shall take more repentance and prayer to gain them all back. But like I said before, I am never more confident than I am now that this sin, too, shall have its own day of Justice in my life. For I have felt a great coming together inside of me, like a falling into place, I can now recall at will, the ferocity and awareness that I require for the defense of my will to hold against this curse of drug addiction. By grace of God, through much prayer and a greater intensity of Sacramental communion, I know that this very significant sin in my life shall also be overcome with patience and time and in God's own time.

I have dreamt of Sunbeams, too, my love - just last night. I've felt the quality and purity of her friendship offered to all the children of God in the Name of Jesus Christ and though I know she doesn't really know me, my love, I care about that girl - a whole lot. And so, my darlingest, we shall give to her what is the best available good that is ours to give in God and holy friendship and that is our thoughts and prayers together for her own nation of Ireland.

You know, my love, it would be well suited for our world at this present time to recognize the distinct difference between a nation and a Country. Now, some would say that it may all just be a play on words, that a nation and a Country is one and the same thing. But we are not interested in words more than the substance that they convey which fills the truth that make real to our reality the things of our everyday human experience.

A nation is a noun; Country is a verb. A nation is always composed of human beings bearing and freely expressing the same belongings with each other - IN THE GREATER CONTEXT - of the one family of the nations of Mankind. A Country is a labor in exile time to perfect the synthesis of nation and state. It is the building up of the inhabited earth from the dusts of the unknown earth in exile time, salvation history running the course of all human hope. Another component of Country is the common market which also needs to be more clearly defined.

For a nation to be true to its founding, it only has to recognize its own distinct place within the greater scale of the wholes that represent the abiding governance of Divine Providence in all worlds, seen and unseen, but a Country that is true must exactly align, in the course of its hope, with that scale of wholes towards the one highest of Wholes, the encompassing and infinite immensity of our transcendent God Himself.

Many nations may take part in one endeavor of Country but all endeavors of Country that is genuine must seek to serve ALL nations. Our Sunbeams is All-American by call of Country but her roots shall always remain with her Irish people. This is an understanding that may only exist in a place where peace is paradigm because war as a whole seeks to enforce a worldview that is as static and impotent as those lines that are drawn upon the dust of the earth to divide our needful humanity rather than to share our common human responsibility in this world.

I do admit, there must be a lot more thinking and praying that needs to be done here, in this regard for I know that more things must come to light before this understanding can be said to be complete and we will do this, us and all others who are called like us.

Peace among Christians, my love, is the necessary balm that shall lead to the eventual healing of the wounds of the Irish nation. The reason I have dreamt of our Sunbeams, I understand, is so that I may be reminded of the awesome beauty of just one life, and of how infinitely worthwhile it is to help ensure that all nations retain their founding hopes TOGETHER as a family and that all true endeavors of Country neither fail with the faltering nor fall with the eventual fettering of the beast of war.

Saint Patrick's day is coming up this March 23; that's in ten days, my love. Something stirs in golden, emerald Ireland - and this something is the kind of malice that will do everything in its power to challenge and prevent what peace must become through us in this present time for the sake of the one family of the nations of Mankind and of all the generations of life. 

There is an inhuman will of an unseen intelligence that is at work in this world that knows to seek our vulnerability as nations - therefore, to prayer and to holy friendships, all Christians - most especially this season of Lent - and all persons of good will, seen and unseen. If we shall bear with each other, the peace of Christ which is our hope in God and Country, we shall soon learn in our common humanity, one with another, that we are always, always stronger than what seeks to divide us, as a Church and as nations manifest in her changeless image - for the good of all people of good will. Lest we forget. Lest we forget.

I love you.

Always to always,

Pusing